* So Santorum is doing well in the polls. And what does this mean? It means we have a three way race, i.e., a chance for a brokered convention.

A lot of people are hoping that will be our cure-all, allowing us to finally pick the none of the above, but isn’t going to be the Republican establishment making the pick? What are the chances they’ll come up with the RINOiest ticket ever?

“Hey? Do you think Arlen Specter might want to still run as a Republican? What if we told him Chuck Hagel would be his running mate?”

Everyone is thinking we’ll get someone like Mitch Daniels, but I don’t know. Risky move. But the alternative is Romney, Gingrich, or Santorum. So there are no bad choices. Only awful ones.

* Whales at Sea World aren’t slaves. A judge ruled that. For reals.

I hope the judge dismissed the case by yelling, “Shut up, hippie!” and punching the plaintiff in the face.

* George Lucas is now claiming that Han Solo never shot first in Star Wars. It’s like he’s trying to do special editions of our memories now.

Man, I wish George Lucas would just hand over Star Wars to someone else now. Think of the awesome movie someone who actually knows what makes Star Wars great could make if George Lucas were out of the way. One day, someone will be able to make another great Star Wars movie. We may have to wait until George Lucas dies though. Hopefully he doesn’t come back as a Force ghost to continue giving his creative input.

BTW, if you go see The Phantom Menace in 3D, you are part of the problem and are my enemy.

* Wisdom of the Day from Dave Holmes:

Obviously, the main reason I was initally so disappointed by The Phantom Menace was that I couldn’t tell which items were in the foreground.

* Still chugging away at my new book. Hope to get the first draft done (and a lot of pressure off my back) this weekend. Are you excited? You should be excited. But you won’t see it for a while. Until then, by another copy of Obama: The Greatest President in the History of Everything.

So we now have a right to force other people to pay for something we think we need. Yay.

We need a national point of order on exactly what a “right” is. We have a lot of “slavery is freedom” going on.

If you think you have a right to a job, food, and a place to live, slavery does provide all of that.

Rights do not evolve. Making rights ephemeral like that is a great way to lose them.

If it’s a right today, it would be a right a thousand years ago and a right you’d have alone on a deserted island.

I’m at CPAC, but I’m in disguise with a giant mustache and cowboy hat.

If we get a brokered convention, what the chance we’ll get an awesome ticket versus getting the RINOiest ticket ever?

“So, do you think Chuck Hagel would still want to run as a Republican?” #BrokeredConvention

“Great news! We’ve gotten Arlen Specter to rejoin the GOP. We’ve also picked a nominee. These two items are related.” #BrokeredConvention

“We’ve dubbed our current choices ‘The Three Musketeers.’ There’s a moderate, a different kind of moderate, and a westcoast liberal.” #BrokeredConvention

Today at CPAC, I’m wearing a disguise so I look exactly like Jonah Goldberg. If you see him, it’s probably me. I won’t drop character.

* Obama is apparently dumber than we thought. He knew that forcing religious organizations to pay for contraception — and abortifacients — would be controversial, but he thought it would play out as, “This is about contraception; no one finds contraception controversial anymore.” Of course, it’s played out as religious liberty issue, which is huge deal to Americans. But Mr. Bitter Clinger isn’t really in tune with Americans, so it caught him by surprise.

Obama: no useful experience or abilities, arrogant, and completely out of touch with the concerns of regular Americans — I’m starting to think he might be a bad president.

* Government dependence has shot up 23% under Obama. He probably considers that a success — “Look at how many more people government is helping!” — but he’s an idiot. And now that’s just another obstacle to cutting government; you get people dependent on it, and then they’ll freak out like a guy going through withdrawal if you try to take it away.

We have a lot of problems with our government in this country, and we’re not going to fix it without some sort of long term plan. Does anyone running actually offer that?

* Liberals now love drone strikes and keeping Gitmo open. Ends up all the things they screamed about most were just partisan bluster. Who could have guessed that… other than anyone who has ever dealt with the left before.

What are the core beliefs that liberals have that they will turn on their own side if a Democrat goes against them? That babies should be aborted? I think that’s about it. Basically just any view they feel to guilty about to ever walk back on.

* Apparently we might be going to war with Syria. Do they have oil? I think that’s only okay to do when the country doesn’t have anything of interest to the United States.

And while we’re in Syria… Iran is right there. Might as well get to it now and save some money. It’s like when they film a movie and its sequels back to back — it’s way cheaper that way.

* The iPad 3 will reportedly come out in March. I still have an iPad 1, which compared to the new stuff now looks like something a caveman would use to beat to death a woolly mammoth. I’ve also saved up my allowance (SarahK gives me an allowance every month if I’m good) to upgrade my tablet. So wow me, Apple. I’m ready this time. Make me a believer.

Didn’t Intrade have Romney at 99% chance of winning Colorado yesterday? Not really a shinning success for it.

Santorum, eh? Any analysis on how his jib is cut?

I wait at the end of the level to fight you in a protracted battle… LIKE A BOSS!

Fun Fact: I watched the 2000 election returns come in at a Santorum reelection party. That was a long night.

The problem for Romney is that it’s hard to get excited about him in the primary unless the alternative is McCain.

Was it just a dream, or did America’s deadliest sniper claim to have punched out the E*Trade baby?

Buttercup yells “Go! Go! Go!” and starts running. I don’t think it’s possible for something to be cuter.

Liberals would benefit having someone go through their beliefs they think are mainstream and mark which ones are actually weird liberal bubble things.

* I have a new New York Post column on why Occupy Wall Street is the greatest political movement and will be around forever.

Nothing ruins a political movement like achieving its goals. No one wants to keep yelling and waving signs after they get what they want. OWS wisely avoided this pitfall. The Occupiers roared in with nonspecific anger — about such things as Wall Street, with its walls and its streets, and the rich, with their money they got somehow — but it never set any actual goals.

* So not only did Rick Santorum win the caucuses in Minnesota and Missouri, but he also won Colorado. Yesterday, Intrade had Romney at a 98% chance of winning Colorado. No one saw this coming. I’m still not sure what’s going on. Someone explain this to me. Who is this Santorum? Where did he come from? Why are people voting for him?

Apparently, Santorum has like no money and no big name endorsements, so who knows if he can keep this up. But this has to be scaring Romney. People just really don’t like him and want another viable choice. And finally it’s Santorum’s turn in the spotlight. They say he’s a big government conservative, but the other option, Romney, is a big government not conservative.

* So what happened to Newt? Is he still around? I guess there’s a limit to how many times you can be frontrunner and lose it.

* And I’m out of blogging time. Working hard on my new book that will solve all of America’s problems, though. I should be back to my normal blogging capacity next week.

* Oh yeah, feel like I should mention something on the Prop 8 decision. No time for meaningful commentary — which IMAO is always abundant with — but I think the best way to keep people from tinkering around with marriage until it’s completely asinine is to get it out of government.

Two groups in this country: racists who look at Obama and see a black president and non-racist who see a hugely incompetent president.

I asked CPAC if I was allowed to attend, but they told me no. That’s because it’s RINO dominated this year. All martini sipping elites. I brought my own martini shakers, but they were still like, “You’re too conservative. You’ll cause trouble.”

Elites don’t want to hang with an Idaho conservative. They’re all like, “Why don’t you run off and protest taxes on potatoes.”

I’m going to throw my own conservative conference in Idaho. It will be at a compound. Admission will be $5 less if you bring a gun, because no one will argue over five bucks with someone holding a gun.

Heh. The new Spider-man film is directed by a guy named “Webb.”

Better off having the government get out of the marriage business than have it redefine religious custom. Legal contracts between consenting adults for all!

I like to imagine there is this spookily-voiced voice actor whose only job is to say the title of Resident Evil games.

I have the new Resident Evil game for the 3DS. I also have a deadline for my next book. Being an adult sucks.

Hmm. Maybe playing video games helps me write better. Does anyone buy that argument? Scientists, get on it!

Elder Scrolls, stop having towns load separately from the rest of the world so we can fly again.

I miss the flying from Morrowind. I don’t miss the cliff racers.

If OWS crashes CPAC and is violent, next year consider holding CPAC in a city that recognizes conceal carry rights.

You know how in horror movies you think the bad guy is dead, but he keeps popping back up? Romney is like the opposite.

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

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From James:

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From James:

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From James:

From James:

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From Les of Brick Moon:

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My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Arik:

From Arik:

From Arik:

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From Arik:

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From Arik:

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From Arik:

From me (Harvey):

From me (Harvey):

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From Neil:

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From Proof:

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This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with [Hat tip: Island Girl]:

Yes, that’s President “Man of the People” sitting behind the wheel of a 2013 Shelby GT500 [MSRP $60,000, and gets about 15 mpg]

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Tough call this week.

James’s “no tongues” is a relatively obscure line from a very popular movie, but Les’s “pink drone” comes from a story that got very little play in the MSM.

I’m inclined to call this one a tie.

What say you?

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PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

* Obama says he’s getting better at being president and deserves a second term. Well, for the first claim, maybe he is getting better. He had the advantage of starting so poorly, it was hard for him to do any worse. As for the second part, it’s more a question of whether we as a country deserve him. And since we haven’t genocided anyone recently, I’m going to say “No.”

* Is Santorum going to finally have his day? Polls show he could win Minnesota and Missouri while coming in second in Colorado. The party hasn’t really given him much consideration — despite technically winning Iowa — making him pretty much the only one not to be a frontrunner yet. His problems are charges he’s a big government conservative, he comes off as whiny sometimes, and a couple terms as Senator by itself isn’t much of a qualification to be a president. But he’s stuck around, so he has stick-to-it-tiveness. And he’s not Romney. Maybe that’s enough.

What’s this “brokered convention” thing again?

* So Iran apparently has an army of ninja women. That does seem like the appropriate first step before getting nuclear weapons. I don’t know how we skipped over it.

* So if you were looking to the New York Post for a new column by me, instead there’s one by the puppy blender. Is he moving in on my turf? His column is on Obama and rising tuition costs, and it’s not very funny so I don’t get the point of it.

* Wisdom of the Day from jon:

Madonna was super unsupportive when her dad tried to be a preacher.

The new revelations about JFK don’t change the fact that he heroically… what was it he’s supposed to have done again?

Maybe Obama should use the Beatle’s “Getting Better” as his campaign theme song.

It’s not an easy task to channel my awesomeness into the written word, but I do what I can.

For the Red Dawn remake, will the underground resistance run around shouting, “Honey Badgers!”?

* So there was a Super Bowl over the weekend. I didn’t think the commercials were that great this year. There were only a handful I liked. Like the one with the dog in running shoes. What did you think?

And a Battleship movie? Come on.

As for the game, well I guess it was exciting that last minute or so.

That’s all I have to say about that.

* There was also the Nevada caucus Saturday which Mitt Romney won handily. That means… I dunno. I don’t think anything. This is all going to get dragged out until at least Super Tuesday which is March 6th. Then hopefully we’ll have a merciful end to all this.

* By the way, have you ever heard this story about Mitt Romney and the search for a business partner’s missing daughter? It certainly doesn’t make Romney or Bain Capital look that bad.

* We had good economic news, which is bad economic news so far as it means Obama has a better chance of reelection. Of course, it’s only good in relative to how bad things are (and the unemployment number is only good if you ignore how much smaller the workforce is that it used to be). Still, it’s inevitable the economy is going to rebound at some point no matter how much Obama worked against it; capitalism is just too strong. And when you get the bottom that low, a big boost is inevitable eventually.

Still, hope we can lose the dead weight of Obama in November, but I’m going to try getting into the 1% either way.

* As for another reason we need to get a different president, look how one of Obama’s favorite Justices tells Egypt that our Constitution isn’t a great model to follow and they should look to other countries. Of course, is it that big a surprise that liberal Justices don’t like our Constitution when they do everything they can to ignore its meaning?

Of course, maybe the reason Ginsburg thinks she doesn’t like the Constitution is that she’s never actually read it.

* Wisdom of the Day from James Taranto:

I’ve never seen the antiabortion side of the debate try to deny the other side’s existence the way the pro-abortion side does.