Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’re going out to where even the Gila Monsters use SPF 50 as we head west to Arizona, so let’s get started…
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The 13 rays of red and gold in Arizona’s state flag represent the original 13 colonies as well as the typical sunburn acquired by tourists.

* Arizona is a large state in the southwestern US. It was originally part of Mexico until after the Mexican-American war when it snuck across the border.

* Many old people move to Arizona to retire, only to be sold as slaves to work in the state’s many copper mines.

* The original London Bridge was shipped stone-by-stone and reconstructed in Lake Havasu City, mostly to give retirees something to do between mining shifts.

* The Arizona desert was the site of many nuclear tests in the 1950′s. Which explains why Senator John McCain has no hair.

* What happened to his spine is still a mystery.

* The Grand Canyon is located in Arizona and was discovered by the Brady Bunch in 1971.

* Raise your hand if you wish Bobby & Cindy would’ve STAYED lost.

* Yeah, me too.

* Arizona’s state fossil is petrified wood, which has NOTHING to do with old men and Viagra.

* Arizona has a reputation for incredibly hot weather, however, during the winter months, it gets cold enough that molten steel will actually freeze solid if left outside.

* Arizona is a Hopi Indian word meaning “Help! I’m melting!”

* Arizona was once struck by a giant meteor that left a crater over a mile in diameter. Geologic studies of the area indicate that God was actually aiming for Las Vegas.

* There are 11 different species of rattlesnake in Arizona. Surprisingly, none of them taste like chicken.

* Despite the presence of a large, modern football stadium in Glendale, Arizona, the state has no professional football team. The key word here being “professional”.

* The state gemstone of Arizona is turquoise, a semi-precious stone with a name so gay even General Motors wouldn’t name a car after it.

* One of the most attractive features of Arizona are its many towering stone mesas. While driving underneath them, be careful to watch for falling coyotes.

* Heh. He’ll NEVER catch that roadrunner.

* The state plant of Arizona is the Saguro Cactus. It’s numerous sharp spines are perfect for holding your unused rattlesnakes.

* When you need them again, you can peel them right off. Just like velcro!

* The state neckwear of Arizona is the cattle-rustler’s noose.

* The landlocked state of Arizona once had a battleship named after it, which makes about as much sense as a weight loss program named after Michael Moore.

* The state bird of Arizona is the Cactus Wren, a small bird that will fit neatly between your unused rattlesnakes.

* The majority of Arizona’s land is set aside as reservations for Indians, none of whom can rain dance worth a damn.

* The Hopi Indians of Arizona are best known for their multi-colored “Indian corn” as well as their annual “most colorful poo” contest.

* The Grand Canyon’s most famous waterfall, “Disaster Falls” was named after Howard Dean’s presidential campaign. YEEEEARGH!!!

* Camels were once used to transport goods across Arizona, but were banned after it was discovered that their noxious emissions contributed to global warming.

* Don’t believe me? Just look at what they’ve done to the Middle East.

* The 13 rays of red and gold in Arizona’s state flag represent the original 13 colonies as well as the typical sunburn acquired by tourists.

* Very few battles in the Civil War were actually fought in Arizona because it was just too damn hot to fight. Mostly they just flipped a coin to determine a winner.

* Thank God the North had a good supply of two-headed coins.

* Arizona became the 48th state on February 14th, 1912, thus freeing Mexicans from the burden of having to sneak all the way north into Utah.
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That wraps up the Arizona edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be cigar-shopping in Clinton country as we take a look at Arkansas.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go grab some of my unused rattlesnakes. [insert velcro sound effect]

From the Rush Limbaugh Show, via a video clip posted on Fox Nation, here’s just the audio of Obama saying a collection of anti-capitalist things, without Rush’s commentary:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

NOTE: Obama’s comment “White folks’ greed runs a world in need.” was from the audiobook version of “Dreams From My Father.”

Say, remember when I compared Hunter of Atomic Monkey Action Squad to Bill Whittle, but I couldn’t prove the similarity because Whittle let his Eject!Eject!Eject! site go to hell and you could only access his archives via the Internet Archive Wayback Machine?

Well, it’s come to my attention that Eject!Eject!Eject! is now back online, archives & all.

Bill says he probably won’t be updating the site, but complaining about that is sorta like complaining about Shakespeare not updating Hamlet.

From Basic Instructions, this is probably as close as we’re going to get to an honest conversation about race in America.

How to Fight Casual Racism

[Think you have a link that's IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

The most beautifully epic rant against global warming alarmism you’ll see today, and possibly ever:

[Direct link]

It’s Everybody Blog About Brett Kimberlin Day, and since he sues people who tell the truth about him, I’m gonna play it safe and just make stuff up:
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Oh man, those Danish cartoonists are just begging for trouble!

1) Sure, Brett may be a convicted domestic terrorist on the payroll of Democrat power players who files harrassing lawsuits against conservatives for fun and profit, but to his credit, he never ate a dog.

2) Brett’s a little irritable these days because when people hear his last name, they mistakenly assume he’s a Kardashian sister.

3) Brett’s favorite phrase is “I know where you live.” HOW a human being lives, however, is apparently above his paygrade.

4) Brett got money from the Heinz Foundation only after agreeing not to sue them for spelling it “ketchup” instead of “catsup”.

5) Brett categorically denies being 1/32 Cherokee, but has yet to comment on whether he was Harvard’s “First Person of Combustion.”

6) Brett is one the few American domestic terrorists who hasn’t written an Obama autobiography. Yet. We’ll keep an eye out at Amazon & let you know.

7) Brett has a very successful Vegas ventriloquist act, featuring his popular sidekick “Achmed“, whose catchphrase is “I SUE YOU!!!”

8) The only explosives Brett actually set up at the Indianapolis Speedway were Mentos and Diet Coke. However, things went terribly awry because, God help him, he’s just REALLY bad at chemistry.

9) I’ve seen internet rumors that Brett hangs his toilet paper “under” like some degenerate heathen, but I refuse to accuse him of something that vile without solid proof.

10) Also, no one’s ever actually SEEN Brett cry at the end of “Downfall” like normal people cry at the end of “Old Yeller.” Red eyes, runny nose, and soggy kleenex happen to allergy sufferers, too.
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I’ll give Dirty Harry the last word on Kimberlin [language warning]:

[YouTube direct link]

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UPDATE: Linked by Gulag Bound.

I had completely missed about this story until today. Basically, there is a domestic terrorist and his supporters trying to shut up conservative bloggers through intimidation. Just see Patterico’s story of having a SWAT team sent to his house. We can’t put up with crap like this.

UPDATE: Right Wing News interviews Robert Stacy McCain about being harassed by Kimberlin.

* Apparently, if the federal government used the same sort of accounting the states use, the real deficit for last year was $5 trillion. That’s $42,054 per household. But look at all we get for the money!

I’ve even heard Obama trying to say he’s good on spending. He doesn’t even try to claim he’s reduced spending, just that he hasn’t increased it at a very large rate. So we did all this emergency spending… and continued spending at greater than those levels the year after. And he wants a pat on the back for it. In a more just world, he wouldn’t just be thrown out of office, he’d be exiled. We should just rename Antarctica to “Failed Politicians Land.”

* Obama keeps getting made fun of on Twitter, so he’s trying to find ways around it. So that’s what the leader of the free world is reduced to: hiding from all the mean people on Twitter. But he’s totally going to protect us from a nuclear Iran.

Man, I miss Reagan. How’s the DNA extraction from the vial of blood going?

* In news proving that universe is still working as it should, Levi Johnston is now penniless, having completely squandered his one million dollars, and has had to move in with his drug-dealer mom and take a job as Obama’s new Treasury Secretary.

* New York Republicans are proposing a ban on anonymous comments that seems pretty clearly unconstitutional. Still, I wouldn’t mind a little less anonymity on the internet. Unless you’re a Chinese dissident, most people seem to use being anonymous to be a jerk. Maybe we can have a special section — a nicer section — of the internet where you can’t be anonymous to participate. And we also need to bring back dueling. For politeness.

* So it appears the new gay DC Comic superhero is…

Golden Age Green Lantern!

So, just like they said, it is a long established character (he dates back to 1940), but also not really a popular current character (when someone says Green Lantern these days, people think Hal Jordan and the space police). And Jim Treacher writes what should be one of many jokes we’ll be seeing:

Really, this news shouldn’t be a shock to comics fans. It was just a matter of time. After all, Green Lantern’s only weakness is wood.

Are they really picking a superhero to make gay whose weakness is wood? Almost seems like they’re doing it for the jokes. I think it was retconned that the weakness to wood wasn’t a defect in the ring but was psychological, so perhaps this sheds some light on that.

Levi Johnston has squandered his $1 million and has had to move back in with his mom and take a job as Obama’s Treasury Secretary.

I thought I had an awesome comeback to a critic in the comments to my column today.

So is this all some sort of Andy Kaufman type joke because I don’t really get it. #WHChat

If you could be president of any country, which would it be? #WHChat

Are you ever afraid Elizabeth Warren is going to scalp you? #WHChat

Do vampire capitalists sparkle? #WHChat

Julia has broken out of the lab. HOW CAN WE STOP HER?! #WHChat

[Vimeo direct link]

My favorite part is at 1:16

Also I don’t get the reference at 1:36. A little help?

Since Harvey posted the original picture that this photoshop is based on below, here is an earlier version of a little something I’m working on that isn’t quite ready for a full reveal yet. Consider it a ‘teaser trailer.’

[via Rubes]

According to Newsweek, Obama’s the first gay President.

According to DC Comics, a well-known superhero is coming out of the closet.

Kinda makes you look at this picture a little differently, doesn’t it?:

Man of Steel, President of Kleenex.

Figured you might be depressed from all Obama’s political riff-raffery, so here’s something in a 2nd Amendment vein to brighten your day. Most of these have videos so you can watch these babies in action.

10 Largest Caliber Weapons Ever

I’m kinda partial to the Punt Gun, myself:

The gauge of a shotgun goes down as the caliber goes up. For instance, the standard 12 gauge is equal to a 0.72-inch caliber, but is a small fry compared to the giant 2-gauge punt guns used in the 19th century. These formidable weapons were used for commercial hunting, bringing down whole flocks of wildfowl with a single blast. They were later taken up by sportsmen.

Too heavy to be lifted, the punt gun was fired from a rest in a one-man boat. The barrel was equivalent to 1.3-inch caliber and could fire a load equal to about 40 standard 12-gauge shells. Punt gunning proved so effective at killing flocks of birds that many states outlawed it by 1860.

[Think you have a link that's IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

[High Praise! to Les of Brick Moon]

Raise your hand if you’ve never thought about doing this to an EPA official:

[YouTube direct link]

Although Les makes his own videos, you can take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies”). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it isn’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.