* There was another — yes, another! — debate last night. Luckily, I had to work late and completely missed the whole thing. Another advantage of gainful employment.

Anyway, I heard that there was a long discussion of moon bases during it. I don’t like moon bases. That could ruin my nuke the moon plans. People would say, “You can’t nuke the moon; there’s a moon base there.” And I wouldn’t know how to respond to that. So a moon base is a horrible idea.

Consensus on the debate seems to be that Newt blew his chance to regain any momentum. Intrade now has Romney back to having an over 90% chance of winning Florida, so we’re back to “Romney is inevitable and nothing can stop him!” mode. So let’s once again practice being Romney boosters.

Here’s my new attempt at a Romney slogan:

“Romney 2012: Much like the T-800 in Terminator 2, he’s been reprogrammed to be on our side.”

* Hey, Biden is adding accents to his routine. After the election and we’re all celebrating acknowledging that Romney is president, he and Obama should develop a vaudeville routine and travel the country. Obama would be the Abbot and Biden the Costello. Part of the routine would be Biden constantly accidentally saying racist things about Obama while Obama just tries to ignore it — basically what he does in his presidency now.

“Hey, Obama!”

* Yet another Democrat has accused Republicans of being terrorists. I know I’ve made this point before, but it’s worth saying again: Obviously conservatives aren’t terrorists because liberals still exist. There are many more conservatives than liberals, we have lots of guns, we have the majorities in the military, so we if we ever did decide to be terrorists and kill all the liberals, it would probably take about a weekend. But we don’t, because that would mean. Still, it would be nice for liberals to acknowledge every once in a while that the only reason they exist is because conservatives eschew violence against others just because they disagree with them. In fact, they should give us a cash reward for how nice we are. We should demand that.

* James Taranto found this silly article about “colorblind racism”. I didn’t actually read it as the Orwellian title tells you all you need to know. If you’re arguing than one can’t end racism unless we still focus on race, you’re actually not arguing against racism. What you’re arguing is that you still need it and don’t want it to end.

* Here’s a letter signed by sixteen scientists (Science!) that there is no compelling need for drastic measures against global warming. I like how at the beginning the letter points out the use of “incontrovertible” by those arguing for global warming. There is no incontrovertible in science (there is in Science! but not science); if something is incontrovertible, it’s gone from science to dogma. Part of the problem of the whole global warming craze is its damage to the idea of what science really is. The anti-science people are really the ones who prop science up as some unquestionable religion when that’s never what true science would claim to be.

So we need more education for people on how to tell “science” from “Science!”.

* Wisdom of the Day from Michael J. Nelson:

“Barry White’s songs are less romantic if you imagine, with precise detail, Barry White making love.”

I’m okay with people saying Romney is the only viable choice. I just get angry if they act like he’s not a crappy choice.

It should be illegal to use the term “fair share” without some concrete definition of it. Sentence for this crime: punch to face.

“Fair share” will never be defined as far as taxation. It’s not a policy. It’s just a whine.

So are we serious on this debt thing, or is that just a partisan attack we’ll forget when we have a Republican president?

I thought this was funny.

[Direct link: Chuck Assay]

I used to work in Jacksonville. Them folks don’t like other folks coming to town to tell them to sit down and shut up. If the crowd is actually people from Jacksonville, I expect they’ll cheer, boo, or whatever, if they feel like it. If they are a bunch of transplants or college kids, they’ll follow meekly along.

Florida isn’t a southern state, except by accident of geography. Jacksonville, though, is a southern city. Or it was last time I was there.

So, are you going to watch the debate tonight?

* Intrade has Romney back up to about a 75% chance of winning the Florida primary and 80% chance of winning the nomination. It looks like the brief flirtation with Newt has ended as quickly and as quietly as the last time. And it’s not like Newt has done anything specific to lose support (and neither did he last time either), it’s just people sort of sober up and say, “I don’t know if this is a great idea.”

Still, it was nice to imagine for a bit that Romney wasn’t going to be our nominee. We can still hold out hopes for a brokered convention. What’s life without more hopes to see dashed?

* Timothy Geithner says a second term for him is unlikely. He wants to spend more time with his family learning to use Turbo Tax.

Maybe we should give him a going away party. Oh wait, we have no money for that. Instead, we should put him on an ice floe and push him out to sea.

* Only one of the presidential candidates is vowing to conquer space: Newt Gingrich. He has plans for a permanent moon base in eight years, and then we head to Mars. As the years go by, though, it’s become obvious that getting a man on the moon was a one time fluke of competency by the federal government, and we can hardly count on them to repeat that feat — at least not without Soviets breathing down our necks.

Still, we need to get to space. Eventually, abandoning Earth and starting a libertarian colony on Mars will be the last option left to save ourselves.

* Jay Leno is getting sued by Sikhs for showing a picture of one of their holy buildings, the Golden Temple, and claiming it is Mitt Romney’s summer home. Come on. I’m all for pretending to respect other religions, but if you make a giant golden temple, people are going to joke about it being a rich man’s summer home. That’s just reality. Deal with it.

* So Warren Buffet has a secretary who is either paid like a rich executive or just really horrible at doing her taxes. And because of her we’re supposed to take money from people who have demonstrated they know how to be smart with money and give it to people in Washington D.C. who have repeatedly demonstrated they’re complete idiots with money.

I’m getting tired of this stupidity. We just need to start deporting people. I don’t care where. There are just too many idiots and we need them out of the way if we want to get this country on track.

* Wisdom of the Day from Drew Cline:

I don’t mind that Obama uses a TelePrompter. I do mind that he won’t acknowledge it took the job of a union-wage cue card holder.

* How thick is your bubble?

When you compare charitable givings, aren’t the left way more greedy than the right?

It would seem like extreme hypocrisy when someone like Biden who gives $369 a year to charity complains about greed in others.

Maybe the press doesn’t find hypocrisy very interesting.

I guess the left are for more taxation because, knowing themselves, they can’t imagine voluntarily giving up money to help others.

Is there anything more miserable than really wanting grated cheese on your meal but then being unable to find a clean cheese grater?

We’re used to Ann Coulter being outrageous, but mindless shill for a moderate is at least a new kind of outrageous.

* I’m in the New York Post again!

Yeah, I know I’ve been having a column with them about once a week, but aren’t you amazed each time? Anyway, this one is on why it’s good to have a food stamp president and that government dependency is just a good idea.

Really, who would you rather take care of you? Cold, self-interested individuals or a warm, caring government?

* Obama gave his State of Union speech last night. I did not watch it. I’m paid enough for that. Sounds like it was a basically a rehash of all his previous ideas like they were brand new ideas. It’s like we’ve tried a little of the same and that didn’t work, so Obama’s solution is we need even more of the same. Plus, Obama added some more harping on fairness.

Yes, really; a rich Democrat whining about fairness. How innovative. It really is the party of new ideas.

And isn’t that just what the economy needs: more whining about fairness? No one even pretends taxing the rich will help the economy, but the Democrat can’t get off that because whining is more important to them than success as a nation.

Barack Obama is not a serious person and apparently has no intentions of ever being so. People keep talking about how weak the Republican field is, but our multiple bad choice sure beats the Democrats single horrible choice. We aren’t going to be forced to run a proven failure for president, so advantage us.

* One thing I’ve been wondering. With all the focus on the evil millionaires, is anyone going to point out how Obama is rich. And it really does seems unfair how rich he is considering he has no useful skills and has produced no goods or services his entire life. If Obama really wants to attack our economic system as unfair, shouldn’t he hold himself up as the ultimate example? “You’re working hard every day and barely getting by. I’m completely useless and only had previously held made up jobs like community organizer and yet somehow ended up rich. Obviously, the system is rigged. I won’t rest until we live in a fair country — a place where a useless person like me lives destitute on the street instead of playing golf every other day.” As I’ve said before, we’d take the left more seriously if they held themselves up as the examples of the ills they don’t like, but that would take self-awareness so it’s not going to happen.

* According to his tax returns, Romney gave over 15% of his income to charity in 2010-2011. And what are people upset at? Not more of that was taken by the government to be wasted by idiots in DC.

Looking at Obama back in 2000-2004 before much of a spotlight was on him, Obama gave less than one percent to charity. You know, because he’s a liberal and his charity is to urge the government to seize other people’s money. And before Biden was vice president, he gave an average of $369 dollars a year to charity. Come on! These are the same people complaining about the greedy rich, but they cling to their own money more tightly than anyone else. Where is the press on this extreme hypocrisy? Obviously anytime the left is complaining about greed in others, it’s nothing but projection. And now we know where they get this impulse for taxation — they know how greedy they are and can’t imagine someone giving up money to help others unless it is forcibly taken. And in the end, what’s more greedy than only spending other people’s money to help the needy?

* Wisdom of the Day from Fred Thompson:

Warren Buffett now says his offer to help pay down the natl debt was merely “symbolic.” Ah… sorta like an Obama “stimulus” program.

If a candidate’s tax returns reveal he didn’t do everything he could to avoid paying taxes, he should be tossed out of the race as a moron.

So the left are really going to argue that Romney sending $6.2 million of his money to Washington to die was too little?

Is Obama’s big plan to get the economy moving that the rich should pay more taxes? Can someone explain how that helps things?

The incumbent is the least serious of the candidates.

I’ve seen none of the movies that were nominated for best picture or had a best actor nomination.

So will the Rand Paul incident and the White House defense of the TSA allow us to portray Obama as the president of junk touching?

Hate how women lie. I once dated one claiming to be a supermodel, but she was just a regular model. Being in Victoria Secret’s catalog doesn’t by itself make you super!

Money that goes to the morons in DC is dead money; it will no longer help anyone. We want a better economy, then we need less money stuck in DC.

Someone talking higher taxes right now it not a serious person.

“They held a SOTU watch party. It was a murder suicide.”

So what does Intrade say are the odds Obama will break down crying halfway through the SOTU and admit he has no idea what he’s doing?

Wow. A rich Democrat is going to go on TV and whine about “fairness.” How innovative.

“We’ve tried some of the same and it didn’t work. That means we need even more of the same!”

Obama is quite rich. Can you name one thing of any use to anybody he ever did to earn that money?

If Obama wants to point out the flaws in our economic system, he should point out the fact that someone like him is wealthy as an example.

Obama should hold himself up as the ultimate example of unfairness. “If some as useless as me is rich, obviously the system is rigged.”

Do you think there will be whining about fairness in the SOTU? I think the key to fixing the economy is more whining about fairness.

Why work hard to better your own finances when you can whine about how much someone else has?

This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ‘em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

---

[reference link]

[reference link]

[Hat tip to Laurie for the pic]

[reference link]

[reference link]

---

From Damn Cat:

[reference link]

From Mrs. C:

[reference link]

From Neil:

[reference link]

---

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Dr. Jingo:

[reference link]

From Hippie Punchomatic 5000:

[reference link]

From Proof:

From me (Harvey):

[reference link]

---

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with [Hat tip: Island Girl]:

---

Ya know, I thought I really had a lock on this with my “Dark Knight Returns” quote, but Dr. Jingo referenced an internet comic from 2008.

I stand defeated.

Anyway, honorable mentions to Hippie Punchomatic 5000 for a Firefly reference that I didn’t remember (and I *just* saw that episode on DVD a couple weeks ago), and Mrs. C for having (apparently) memorized “Raising Arizona”.

What say you?

---

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

* Well, I had some doubts about Newt Gingrich, but it’s time to give those up since FRED THOMPSON HAS ENDORSED HIM!

As you may recall, after careful consideration, IMAO decided to endorse Fred Thompson in the 2008 primary.

Fred Thompson Fact: If you have doubts about Newt’s electability, Fred Thompson will punch you in the face so hard your body will explode.

* While Fred Thompson was endorsing Newt last night, there was the 34,567th Republican debate going on — which I assume will be the last since they’re rather pointless now that Fred Thompson has told us who to choose. Romney was on the attack –hitting Newt on his ties to Fannie and Freddie — and actually came off a little desperate. And for some reason they didn’t allow the audience to make any noise, which seemed to hamper Newt who always likes getting the audience riled. Anyway, I only watched part of it; it was boring. And I had a lot of important things to do in Skyrim.

* Romney released his tax returns and he paid $6.2 million in taxes in the last two years. Think of it; that’s millions of dollars that could have been invested in business or given to charity to help people, but instead that money went to Washington to die. It’s very sad.

* Rand Paul was detained by the TSA for not wanting them to touch his junk. The White House was quick to defend the TSA saying, “We’ll touch whoever’s junk we want whenever we feel like it! Your junk is our property!”

Well, there’s another contrast the Republicans can make with Obama for the 2012: The Democrats are the party of junk-touching. I don’t know how big the pervert vote is, but I don’t think it will be enough to ensure Obama a win.

* A memo from Larry Summers has revealed what was the strategy for Obama’s economics plans, and it ends up it was more about advancing a liberal agenda of green nonsense and what not than actually helping the economy. Plus they knew they were heading towards a cliff on debt but decided not to care.

And it’s known that Warren Buffet is going to be a guest for the State of the Union tonight to help Obama push for more taxes on the rich because that will help the economy by…

There is no logical conclusion to that sentence.

As bad as the Republican primary has looked, it’s important to remember that the least serious candidate for president is the incumbent.

* Wisdom of the Day from Basil:

What happens if an unelectable Republican runs against an unreelectable Democrat?

If I were only old enough to be president, I’d totally ride to the rescue right now.

I hope Newt flames out again because I have a great headline for when he does: “Moot Gingrich”

Buttercup’s response to “Can you give your daddy a big hug?”: “NO!” I’m not paying for her college.

Ends up “pot holder” is not a fancy name for a bong.

I hope all the moderators for the debates have practiced debating against a Newt stand in.

Gah! For some reason DVR did not record Friday’s Chuck and not available on Hulu or Amazon or iTunes and the series finale is this Friday! Guess I may have to venture into the world of illegal downloads. Luckily SOPA wasn’t passed or I could be killed with a hellfire missile.

Newt: “I trained them all on lobbying so they’d know exactly what lobbying was so they could identify what they shouldn’t be doing.”

Romney does not seem comfortable on the attack. Now imagining Romney trying to attack Obama… I’m souring more on him.

Just checked Intrade. After the Fred Thompson endorsement, Gingrich’s chances have jumped to 105%.

We need to send in Sam Fisher to Cuba and he’ll fix things up.

Ron Paul would not be able to respond to crises because he’d be too busy yelling at White House tourists to get off his lawn.

Oil spills should only happen far away in third world countries so stupid poor people have to deal with them.

We should give guns to murderers to encourage self-execution. No wait. That’s a bad idea. That could backfire. Maybe that’s what Fast & Furious was all about.

Self deportation is the only option if deporting people is yet another one of those jobs Americans won’t do.

How much do you think they’d charge per hour to deport themselves?