July 24, 2014

Posted: July 24, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new poll shows only 60% think Obama is a US citizen. The other 40%…

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Posted: July 24, 2014 11:00 am

SeeRockCityYou’re probably thinking I’m about the brag about how great SEC football is, aren’t you. Well, it is, but I’m not gonna do that right now. Wait until a little closer to football season.

But, I am gonna brag about our SEC. Our state execution chambers. You know. Where they take folks on death row when it’s time to execute their sentence. The one in Georgia works quite well.

I bring this up because Arizona took 117 minutes to put one Joseph Rudolph Wood to death yesterday. I’m not crying over the length of time it took for Wood to die for the murders of his ex-girlfriend and her father back in 1989. No, he’s had nearly 25 years on the state dime. If it took him a little long to pay the piper, that’s too bad. But I do have a problem with his execution. An hour and 57 minutes is just way too long. There’s overtime involved, for one thing. And at the most basic level, it’s inefficient.

And Arizona isn’t the only state running an inefficient death chamber. Back in January, it took Ohio 26 minutes to put down Dennis B. McGuire for raping, sodomizing, and killing a pregnant woman in 1989. The 25 years that Ohio kept him around more than makes up for the 26 minutes it took him to die. But, still, 26 minutes is not very efficient.

Then there’s Oklahoma and the trouble they had with Clayton Derrell Lockett back in April. They actually didn’t execute him, not really, but he died anyway. That’s the one where they stopped the execution when it didn’t go exactly as planned, but the convict had a heart attack on the gurney and died anyway. So it worked out. He died at the hands of the state for burying a girl alive back in 1999.

I have a solution for these states that have trouble executing convicted killers. Come to Georgia. We do it right.

Remember when everybody got their panties in a wad over the Oklahoma execution by heart attack? Well, about seven weeks later, Georgia marched Marcus A. Wellons to the little room at the Georgia Diagnostic and Classification State Prison in Jackson, and put him to sleep for raping and strangling a 15-year-old girl back in 1989. Georgia simply strapped him down and ended his life. Quick, simple, efficient.

So, for the states that have trouble, contact the state of Georgia about contracting out the executions. Chain your convict up real good, give him some escorts, and y’all come on over. Drop the intended off at Jackson, then … go play tourist.

You can head over to Hampton if there’s a NASCAR race that weekend.

Or, if the Braves are in town, catch a game at The Ted (it’ll be gone soon).

There’s Six Flags just west of Atlanta.

Stone Mountain on the east side of the capital city might have a fireworks show, if you don’t want to see a bunch of 90-foot-tall Confederate generals.

Grab a meal at Chick-Fil-A (they’re all over the place in Georgia) and a Coca-Cola (the formula was invented in Columbus, not Atlanta).

Drive down to the Golden Isles and put your feet in the water on Jekyll or Saint Simons.

Savannah is a nice place to visit, particularly if you want to get drunk on St. Patrick’s Day, so try to schedule your execution for mid-March.

If there’s the chance of a last-minute delay, and you don’t mind paying the state for the prison overtime, you can spend a few days in a cabin up in the north Georgia mountains.

Of course, you can go to Lookout Mountain just south of the state line at Chattanooga, TN, and, like the old signs on the barns used to say, “See Rock City.”

Go get yourself a real Vidalia onion.

Or, just sit on the banks of the Altamaha, relax, and catch some fish. Or, at the very least, drown some worms or crickets.

There’s lots to do. And, for you, as well as for your convict, there’ll be memories to last the rest of your life.

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Posted: July 24, 2014 10:00 am

20140723MichaelRamirez
[Michael Ramirez - Investor's Business Daily]

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Posted: July 24, 2014 9:00 am

Do you know that when you make fun of Hamas, some people get angry about that? Never once got called out for ridiculing, Nickelback, though.

They’re going after Thomas the Tank Engine now? I actually like that show because it promotes the anti-hippie message of being “useful.”

“I can sympathize with you common people. The smallest of my houses probably isn’t much bigger than yours.”

“Everywhere I look, I think I see Charlie up in the trees. And I can no longer tell where I end and someone else’s writing begins.”

If states keep botching executions, people are going to be too scared to commit murder anymore.

Maybe Carnegie Hall is on Practice Street and all this time we thought people were joking they were giving clear directions.

So what if the execution took two hours? Who are all these sickos so desperate to see people dead they want us to be quick about it?

Pro Tip: There are a lot of good arguments against the death penalty, but none of them involve asking people to feel sympathy for murderers.

Can’t you just put a murderer in a sack and drown him in the river like you would unwanted cats?

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Posted: July 24, 2014 8:00 am

President Obama submitted a request for an additional $3.7 billion to cover the costs of handling illegal immigrants.

Sounds kinda steep. Must be planning to print up a LOT of voter registration forms.

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July 23, 2014

Posted: July 23, 2014 10:00 pm

[High Praise! to Doghouse Diaries]

More “better names” on their Facebook page.

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Posted: July 23, 2014 9:00 pm

(Submitted by Anonymiss of Nuking Politics via Interesting Engineering [High Praise!])


[US Marines testing Ultra Heavy Lift Amphibious Connector UHAC at RIMPAC 2014] (Viewer #263,631)

This is just the half-scale model.

The full scale version will be designed to carry a payload of 200 tons at a cruising speed of 23 mph (37 kmh). This means that it is set to boost the payload capacity of the current LCAC vehicles by three times. When on the shore and in tank-mode, it will be able to drive over 3 m (10 ft) high obstacles.

“The full-scale model should be able to carry at least three tanks and a HMMVW (High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle),” Gunnery Sgt. Joseph Perera, the Warfighting Lab’s Infantry Weapons Project officer, said in a statement.

Although the current UHAC prototype is not armoured or armed, the plan is to cover it with armour plating and load it with .50 caliber machine guns for protection.

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Posted: July 23, 2014 8:00 pm

Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson said that our border is not “open” for illegal immigration.

True. Most experts on the topic describe it as “abierto“.

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Posted: July 23, 2014 7:00 pm

[High Praise! to Neatorama]

The particulars are hard to pin down, but everyone seems to agree that Scotch tape, the now-famous brand, originated as a slur. Back in the ’20s, Scotch was a synonym for “cheap.” Richard Drew, a 23-year-old research assistant at Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing, was trying to create a sticky-but-not-too-sticky adhesive tape for auto painters to use on two-tone paint jobs. When he erred on the not-too-sticky side, one of the car-painters asked, “Why so Scotch with the adhesive?” and a brand name was born.

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Posted: July 23, 2014 6:00 pm

[High Praise! to Cracked.com]

6 Ways Movies Get Space Wrong (by Astronaut Chris Hadfield)

[Think you have a link that's IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Posted: July 23, 2014 5:00 pm

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Posted: July 23, 2014 4:00 pm

Doubling down on her “dead broke” comment, Hillary Clinton said “we couldn’t even get a mortgage”.

That’s a shame. On which mansion?

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Posted: July 23, 2014 2:00 pm

“Do something. That’s my big motto for Congress right now.” —President Obama #RebuildAmerica
@BarackObama

“My small motto: impeachment isn’t ‘something’.”

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Posted: July 23, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The most interesting feature of President Obama’s new California mansion

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Posted: July 23, 2014 10:00 am

20140723LisaBenson
[Lisa Benson - GoComics]

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Posted: July 23, 2014 9:00 am

Democrats write horrible law, pass it, and it’s so badly written it gets torn apart in courts, yet somehow I know this is GOP’s fault.

Starting to wonder if there was a flaw to the plan to have a bunch of incompetents jam through a law that affects large portion of economy.

Remember: When you have the government do something big, you only have idiots and sociopaths at your disposal. No mythical smart people.

By far, the smartest thing in our government is our bombs.

If the court ruling makes you angry at anyone other than the idiots who wrote the law, you’re a rather useless person.

Does the 5 second rule apply to any beats you’ve dropped?

Has Hamas tried not launching rockets at Israel? I really think that could be a big part of the problem.

What does Obama need all these fundraisers for? “I can’t crappily jam together unworkable laws without your support.”

My Coke says I’m supposed to share it with “Bort.”

Got first pass of my book, and I’m supposed to mark with a colored pencil the errors and send back. Seems low-tech.

Actually, I can scan the pages I mark with colored pencil and email back, so there’s that.

Only found a few formatting mistakes. The words – written by me – are superb, though.

“We think you might have incriminating emails about targeting political opponents.”
“Whoops. Scratched my hard drive.”
“Seems legit.”

I looked it up, and hard drive scratches are actually pretty common… though mainly among people trying to destroy their hard drive.

Israel would like Hamas to not launch rockets at them and Hamas would like Israel to not have Jews. Hopefully they can work out a compromise.

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Posted: July 23, 2014 8:00 am

In a recent interview, President Obama said that if the Republican Party doesn’t move back to the center “they’ll never win the presidency again.”

Yes, let’s take advice from the fox on henhouse security.

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July 22, 2014

Posted: July 22, 2014 10:00 pm

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

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Posted: July 22, 2014 9:00 pm

It’s a little like the wood grain video, but after two pieces of wood, they move on to other objects. I liked the AC power supply transformer best.


[Verschleif 4k] (Viewer #160,054)

From the comments, this appears to be the English translation of the description:

“With an edge sander, half a millimeter is sanded off each work piece (wood, walnut, transformer, skull or analogue camera) and photographed. About 650 photos are made into a short film, which contrasts the inner structure of nature and technology.”

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Posted: July 22, 2014 8:00 pm

In a recent speech, President Obama said “what makes us American is not just circumstances of birth”.

Yes, there’s also Democrats pushing for amnesty.

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