Yes, it’s still an Open Thread. That usually means fun discussions, silly jokes, and a general good time.
Beth Cleaver is on my mind, though. She lost her latest battle with cancer yesterday. Some of you may remember her old blog, “My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.” Some of you may have followed her when she moved to The Facebook. Of course, some of you may never have followed her at all.
Briefly, and quite insufficiently, she was a loving mother, an Air Force veteran, and a patriot. Each of those is more than many people ever are or were. She was all that and much more.
Yes, it’s Open Thread. And yes, that’s usually happy stuff. So let’s keep it happy. If you knew or followed Beth, and you have some fun or funny stories to share, please do. Try keeping it PG-13, as she had a mouth on her.
If you didn’t, but have a fun story to share about a friend you’ve lost, please do.
And, of course, if you just want to have some other fun, feel free. We could all use a laugh right about now.
Now for the nightly IMAO lottery. It’s Saturday Night Open Thread! Yay! That means it’s totally random what you’ll read here, because other readers, some funnier than you, will type something on to their computer machine and it’ll magically appear here for you to laugh at. Then others will type something, maybe on the same topic, maybe on some other topic, and it’ll be funny, and everyone will laugh. Then you get to type something and maybe they’ll laugh at it. Maybe they’ll laugh at what you wrote. Who knows? Better odds than the lottery.
So, tell a joke, post a link, say what’s on your mind.
You kinda need to be in the mood for this one. The payoff is slow in coming, so if you’re looking for quick excitement, you’ll be unsatisfied. But if you’ve got the time, the construction technique is quietly fascinating.
Not content with ruining an hour of your life on March 25th, the greenies are back at it again less than a month later with “Earth Day”, which is like some sort of hippie Christmas or something.
Yeah, leave it to the Watermelons to pick a day for celebration when it’s still too cold to hang out in the back yard wearing an apron and grilling steaks. There’s a reason the 4th of July falls on the 4th of July every year, people.
Since no one you know or like knows anything about Earth Day, I’ll get you up to speed so that if you end up talking to a liberal today, you can dish some knowledge and then act like he’s a total moron for not already knowing these…
15 FUN FACTS ABOUT EARTH DAY
1) Earth Day was invented by Gaylord Nelson, then a U.S. Senator from Wisconsin, on April 22nd 1970, in an valiant effort to make people spend their time caring about the environment instead of snickering at his first name.
2) Earth Day is celebrated every year on April 22nd, which, coincidentally, is Russian dictator V.I. Lenin’s birthday. Although Lenin was too busy being dead to directly participate in the first Earth Day celebration in 1970, visitors to his tomb that day swear they heard chuckling.
3) An early supporter of the Earth Day movement was “Population Bomb” author Paul Erlich, whose work presciently predicted the widespread famines and food riots that killed millions of Americans during the Reagan years.
4) One of the most popular Earth Day activities is to reduce usage of water – a rare and precious commodity which few living people have seen outside of pictures – of which barely 400 quadrillion gallons currently remain.
5) Most Earth Day functions you will attend put out “recycling bins” to collect plastic water bottles. This reduces waste and pollution by having the containers hauled away separate from the garbage bins by 20-ton diesel trucks that get 3 miles to the gallon.
6) On Earth Day 2005, over 1000 people stood on a Canadian ice floe to spell out the words “Arctic Warming,” which, unfortunately, local polar bears mis-read as “Free Crunchy Meat Snacks.”
7) The EPA offers a free newsletter with handy Earth Day tips such as “Keep appliances in good working order.” Which is completely useless advice as it doesn’t tell you whether to use a fork or a knife to fix your toaster.
8) Some folks enjoy writing “6 word essays” on Earth Day, like “Many nations. One planet. Our home.” Mostly people who portrayed Indians in westerns during the 1950’s.
9) In preparation for Earth Day, teachers are encouraged to help children learn about global warming by periodically poking them with an “alertness stick” during a screening of “An Inconvenient Truth”.
10) One of the biggest crises addressed during the first Earth Day celebrations was ozone depletion. We don’t care about that any more.
11) Sadly, although Earth Day was founded on an ideal of environmental justice, American law schools still hand out very few degrees to spotted owls.
12) On Earth Day 2003, students in the UK set a world record by planting 4100 trees, which were later cut down by men who skip and jump, like to press wild flowers, put on women’s clothing, and hang around in bars.
13) One of the watchwords of Earth Day is “reuse.” If you see a hobo begging for change using an old Slurpee cup, give him a big ‘ol Earth Day hug of thanks.
14) On the first Earth Day in 1970, activists spilled oil on the sidewalk outside the U.S. Department of the Interior to protest against offshore drilling, completely destroying the crab-fishing industry in the DC metro area.
15) The EPA was founded shortly after, and because of, the first Earth Day in 1970. Since its inception, the EPA has saved enough electricity to power 2 million homes by enforcing laws that prevent power plants from creating that electricity.
It’s Friday Night Open Thread. That means you don’t have to talk about sports. You pick the topic. Or topics. Lots and lots of topics. But you can talk about sports if you want. Or tell a joke. Or share a link. Or anything.
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