[Every 'X-Men' Film in Less Than 3 Minutes | TL;DW | Mashable] (Viewer #153,297)
In DC, a fake cab driver dressed as a woman defrauded his fares of over $200,000.
Huh. If he cheated on his taxes, too, he’d be perfect as an Obama cabinet pick.
It was called housemade bread until someone baked it with love
— Brent (@murrman5) August 21, 2014
Welcome to Irony School. first lesson: 9/11 *I raise my hand* "It was an…outside job" wow that's good you can graduate right now.
— sadvil (@crylenol) August 21, 2014
Global warming killed my popsicle.
— etherbrian (@etherbrian) August 21, 2014
THIS guy gets it! *gestures to the black cloud overhead blotting out the sun*
— D̶a̶v̶i̶d̶ (@Dee_Aye_Bee) August 21, 2014
*drives your car off the road into a lake* Parkour?
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) August 22, 2014
[big final action movie fight scene] *good guy lands a blow* Bad guy: ouch jeez OW ok, stop. That smarts. I'm no longer bad.
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) August 22, 2014
A US spy plane was forced to evade Russian interceptors by escaping into Swedish airspace.
I don’t think Putin’s gonna buy Obama’s “he got lost on his way to IKEA” excuse.
Getting covered made Jason so happy he wanted to tell everyone: http://ofa.bo/e0de #ThisIsWhy
“But he spent all his money on his premium & can’t afford to pay his phone bill, so he’s been disconnected and can’t tell anyone.”
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
What would it take to get Obama to end his vacation early?
Isn’t the whole country a free-speech zone?
Harry Potter stamps? What’s a British person doing on US stamps? OBAMA!!! *shakes fist*
So how many bicyclists are people who can’t afford cars and how many are just sociopaths?
In Los Angeles, police discovered a 150-pound giant tortoise strolling down the street and returned it to its owner.
Huh. Don’t usually see police chases that slow without a white Bronco involved.
There’s probably a metaphor for Obama’s Iraq policy in here, somewhere.
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #1,060,680)
A Japanese company has developed a robot for nursing homes that helps take care of the elderly.
It’s very popular, since it actually gets off your lawn when told.
I believe not in isolationism but in overkill. I believe that when attacked a country should do only one thing: retaliate hard enough to make the other guy afraid to do it again.
I don’t believe in bombing aspirin factories. I believe in bombing to the stone age.
With all due respect Western journalists, I'd wager ISIS has a much better understanding of the "true meaning of Islam" than you do.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) August 20, 2014
He died doing what he loved: sudoku puzzles. He was one of our best pilots
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) August 20, 2014
"There's cake in the conference room" would be a really mean way to announce that there's a Cake concert in the conference room.
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) August 20, 2014
Don't jump to conclusions about Islam because of a beheading. It's not like they're cops.
— Anthony Bialy (@AnthonyBialy) August 20, 2014
A new study shows that ants may be cooling the Earth by helping trap carbon dioxide from the environment.
Which then gets released by little boys with magnifying glasses.