I have a confession: I’m the Senate Candidate 5 referred to in the Blagojevich complaint.
Let me explain. I hear this guy Blagojevich has some great deal on something, and it’s getting near Christmas so I’m keeping an eye out for deals. So I go meet with this “Blago” guy downtown to see what he has. He tells me he has a Senate seat for sale. Now, I wasn’t really that interested in a Senate seat, but still I figured I might as well ask how much he wanted.
He tells me three thousand dollars.
So I’m like, “Three thousand dollars is a lot of money… in this economy.” Again, I didn’t really want a Senate seat.
So he tells me, “This isn’t just any Senate seat. This Senate seat used to be owned by international celebrity Barack Obama.”
Now I was interested. That could be a real conversation piece. Friends would be like, “I hear you’re a Senator.”
And I’d say, “Yeah, but guess who used to have this Senate seat: President Barack Obama.”
Still, I was a bit suspicious. I looked up this guy Blagojevich before I met with him, and according to Wikipedia he is the Governor of Illinois. Even so, the name really sounds made up and anyone can edit Wikipedia. So I tell him I need some certification to prove this Senate seat was actually owned by Obama. He shows me the certification and it looks pretty official, so I decide I should go ahead and buy the Senate seat. I’m guessing he could have gotten a lot more for it on eBay, but he really needed the cash right now for some reason. Whatever; great deal for me.
Or so I think.
I get home and tell my wife what I did, and it’s me buying myself the Nintendo Wii just before Christmas all over again. She’s screaming at me for spending all that money without talking to her first, and I’m telling her, “Hey, it’s a great investment.”
And she says, “A great investment would be a gun to shoot you in the face with!”
And I’m like, “Honey, come on; we already have plenty of guns.”
So, I get her to calm down, and then guess what I see on the news yesterday morning. Ends up its illegal to sell a Senate seat and they arrested Blagojevich. Okay, fine. But then I hear I might be in trouble.
The wife is intolerable right now, by the way. “See, I told you so!”
Anyway, this is crazy. How was I supposed to know it’s illegal to buy a Senate seat? Why in the world does that burden fall on me? I just assumed Blago knew what he was doing. Next time I go to the supermarket, am I supposed to inquire whether it’s legal to buy each item before I place them in my cart? That’s asinine.
In short, I’d like my three thousand dollars back.
I guess the “J” in Frank J. stands for Jesse Jackson Jr.
Wow, you are pretty much a victim in this whole thing! I’m sure we won’t hear that from anyone else!
Very funny…
Ebay item #230313488398
Saw that this morning lol
Wasn’t someone supposed to be reorganizing the conservative movement just a few weeks ago right after the election? Did that agenda get misplaced? There was a brief flurry of activity and then….nothing.
I am starting to wonder if conservatives are no different from libs with the difference being that both like to whine but libs take action.
At the same time I am reminded of a Seinfeld episode when Elaine finds out that “Vincent” is only 15 year old. Frank is there something you need to tell us?????
“In short, I’d like my three thousand dollars back.”
1. Did you spend money you couldn’t afford on something you didn’t need? Check.
2. Was the item you purchased backed by the government? Check.
3. Are you too big to fail? Debatable, but as Overlord Obama hasn’t banned guns yet and Sarahk with her friend Mr. Shiny scares us to the point of wetting ourselves we’re going to go ahead and put Check here.
Congratulations FrankJ! You qualify for a government sponsored bailout. Please wait 2-4 years for your reimbursement check OR you may speed up the process by printing out this approval form and showing it to your more affluent neighbors so that they may pay their fair share directly to you.
“Honey, come on; we already have plenty of guns.”
You should be taken out and shot for that statement. Buying a senate seat is ok with me but anyone who passes on an opportunity to buy more guns should be kneecapped.
Not to worry Frank! Blagosgoingtobendoveralot can call Dick Durbin (a stand up guy) and you will have your cash! As for you living another two months…good luck with that and please give your blog to someone that isn’t a complete homo!
Blagoblowyourmoney took one look at Frank and figured $3,000 was all he could get from him! If you didn’t own so many guns, Frank, you wouldn’t have been tempted like that. You’d have thought, “Nah, I’ve got to wait to become a Senator until I buy more guns.”
By the way (or is that “buy the way?”), I happen to know that IMAO has a reader who actually IS qualified to be Obama’s replacement!!
Socrates
Now go over there and tell him to put his name in the hat!
Blagowhyyesiwouldlovetosuckthatbubba called and he has decided that his only recourse is to appoint a non-Illinois pol and has therefore named Jimmy. “I know I’ve let down most of my core voters, but hopefully this will keep the homos, perverts, child molesters and other reprobates on my side…”
Frank! Didn’t you have to take a civics class in school? OF COURSE IT’S ILLEGAL to buy a Senate seat you goof! Now…buying a Senator is another thing and completely acceptable! (Just be sure to put air holes in the lid)
Lego My Blago, ussjimmycarter!
Actually, considering that it’s your birthday today and taking full measure of your questionable comments as an all-singing, all-dancing Mac user, I have decided to take the afternoon off an do a little nancing around here myself (I’m also fond of the “Do the Pelosi” dance step). La tee da, la tee da dee da….tweet tweet tweet… nance nance nance.
Thank you, Jimmy, for the nomination. I am sure that having secured it, with my experience and being on a first-name basis with incoming Governor Pat Quinn, no other step would be necessary to secure the appointment of the new Governor.
However, the Illinois Legislature is going to stage a bit of a coup, in which they call a special election to make sure the “right person” gets the job.
Here is where my vast political experience will serve me well, as I mobilize the army of volunteers I have quietly assembled while others have been sitting idle.
I guess I need some signatures or bumper stickers or something. Candidates always have signatures and bumper stickers.
And testimonials, Socrates, but only if you lack courage as the Lion found out in the Wizard of Oz. In a truly free society, you actually would need courage to get those testimonials, but alas, we are not free.
And apparently, “we are not smart.”
And “we are not strong.” (Don’t you just love that episode of ST?)
The One has called for Blagoblahblahblah’s resignation today perhaps to help set the stage for that election you mention – or he just has a fresh bus to throw Blago under along with his cronies who can also finger The
ObamaroidOne.Blagisgoingtotakeitupthebutt is no doubt squeeling like Ned Beatty with a new backwoods beau! I’m thinkin a good reach-around will secure the job Jimmy!
*** This just in ***
Minneapoloser (AP): Ussjimmycarter was implicated today in the Blagobama scandal that is sweeping Illinois and Washington. Citing his key contacts in nearby states, Blagoswaggermouth named ussjc (as he’s affectionately known) as THE key component in his political strategy to keep ‘homos, perverts, child molesters and other reprobates on his side’ – and on the Illinois payroll.
“Ussjimmycarter’s depth of experience in these matters is unmatched.” said Blagoblabbermouth. “He’s turned me on to numerous employees both inside and outside Illinois. Go ahead, tape me on this! I gotta make some cash. Just don’t rip my head off for it, you butt-stuffers.” When asked to elaborate, Blagoiwannabitch continued, “That guy is just amazing. He even knows how to ‘nance.'”
Blagoneedsalawyernow was released from Federal detention minutes later and rushed off skipping and…. well, nancing. He was unavailable for further comment, but for some strange reason, was whistling the tune “Happy Birthday To Me…”
(Thanks for the laughs, ussjc!! (Nancer!))
Blagoswallows has today in a press release notified the citizens of Ill. that it will be business as usual and that he is confident in his selection of Jimmy as a replacement for President Elect Obama. “Once the current Senators get an opportunity to meet him and understand the depth of his shallowness, he will sail through confirmation” said Blagoisgoingtobesomeluckyguysboyfriend. Thanks Jimmy!
Blagosgoingtobendoveralot….
Bwahahahahahaha! 😉
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