Frank Reads the News

* Mark Halperin, editor-at-large for Time, was suspended indefinitely for calling President Obama a “dick” — even though that’s only the start of things they called Vice President Cheney. Still, there’s no reason for vulgarity; you can accurately describe the president and keep it clean — like call him an “arrogant, utterly useless waste of space.” Be blunt but dignified.

Still, it’s interesting that even the left-wing are apparently getting tired of Obama. He used to be the liberal messiah, and now he’s just the guy who won’t shut up.

* Apparently as soon as the a debt ceiling deal is reached, Timothy Geithner is leaving his job to spend more time not paying taxes. Who will we be able to find that will do as great a job as he did? A bag of hammers? A box turtle? A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle? Really, seeing the job that guy did, if you were an employer, would you let that guy anywhere near a cash register? You might even just make him a Walmart greeter and suddenly end up millions in debt.

Who am I kidding; how is he going to find a job in this economy?

* President Obama has said talking with Republicans on the debt ceiling is a “conversation not worth having” while at the same time he’s meeting with the Muslim Brotherhood. Kinda par for the course for that guy. I wonder how that conversation will go?

MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD: “We hate the West and want to see America destroyed!”

OBAMA: “Bah! You guys are all talk about destroying America. Me, I’m actually doing something about it!”

MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD: (whispering to themselves) “What a…”

* Dick Durbin said that an illegal alien could be a future president. Well, that would be one way to get President Obama to finally do something about illegal immigration: Make him think they’re coming after his job. Of course, having an illegal alien as president isn’t anywhere near as scary a thought as another four years of Obama. I mean, those guys pick lettuce; they have to have at least some practical experience.

* Glenn Beck’s final show aired yesterday. He ended it with a heartfelt goodbye just before sealing himself in a bomb shelter with a five year food supply.

* A Harvard study says that if you attend a 4th of July parade, you’re more likely to become a Republican. So obviously taking your kids to 4th of July parades is just part of being a responsible parent.

Isn’t it kind of a problem for Democrats that patriotism is so closely associated with Republicans? If someone is making their choice on who should run the country based on who actually kind of likes the country, that’s really bad news for the left.

* FOX New’s RedEye, which just had its 1000th show, is beating CNN primetime in ratings despite airing at 3am. To me, its the only cable news show worth watching. All of the news show are just so vacuous, but at least RedEye is conscious of the fact. Also, Greg Gutfeld will be one of the people you’ll see in Glenn Beck’s old time slot. I think they’ll keep him on a leash at that hour, but hopefully he’ll be able to bring the unicorn versus griffins debate to a larger audience.

* Wisdom of the Day: “I dated a hippie chick who worked for Human Rights Watch. Ironically, it was torture.” –Neal Brennan

* You had a lot of suggestions for a new name for this segment, so I added them all together and came up with this: “Frank Frank Frankly Franking Frank Frank”. Know what? Your suggestions were all awful. You people are nearly Obama useless. I don’t know why I keep you around.

I did kind of like “What the Frank?” but I probably shouldn’t have a title suggestive of swear words. I also liked “Morning Musket to the Junk” — though no one suggested it — but it also has the light vulgarity problem. So you can try again, but for now I’m keeping the HIGH PRAISE for myself.

I’m such an awesome guy; I don’t even think the human mind can comprehend my awesomeness.

72 Comments

  1. Getting pretty stingy with the praise there Frank. And a little coarseness is the paprika of funny.

    with that in mind:

    Frank’s Yanks
    is way better than say
    Francis pontificates concerning today’s events.

  2. Hey, you skipped the part in which the President rejected an offer from Mitch McConnell to discuss the debt sealing just after Obama got done whining about Sasha and Malia’s homework habits. Says the Boy Press Secretary, “It’s not a conversation worth having because the President wasn’t serious, and besides he’s got a tee time before he heads off to raise money.”

    Who believes that crap about Sasha and Malia finishing all their homework a day early? First of all, at their ages, homework is often not assigned until the day before it’s due, and it is usually based on that day’s instruction. Secondly, just a year or so ago, Obama was admitting to their crappy grades. Thirdly, I don’t trust anything that spews from his mouth. (Remember, if I said it, then it qualifies and polite political discourse.)

    Which brings me to a closing thought. I never put this together, but Obama has complained about Sasha and Malia’s weight. He has also complained about their grades. I wish my dad could have been like Obama. It would have helped me so much to have my dad announce to the entire nation world I was fat and stupid.

  3. “Morning Musket to the Junk”

    From the great ones keyboard to our lowly monitors.

    So has it been typed, so shall it be viewed…unless of course the mighty Khen’s offering (“The Great Landlord Spams the News
    “) pleases thee Frnak.

  4. Frank’s a Dick News
    Frank’s Dick News
    Frankly Frank’s Dick Speaks News
    Franks Wiener Report
    Franks Awesomely Awesome Dick News
    Dick Frank Speaks
    Dickly Frank Speaking
    Dick Head Frank News for Dicks
    Dick for Dicks
    Dick

  5. “Urgent news from IMAO”… “ussjimmycarter has been suspended without pay for an unknown length of time for using the phrase “Dick” to describe the creator of the blog” “When asked to comment, ussjimmycarter said “dick””…

  6. Morning Cup ‘O Frank

    Frank’s Corner

    Nuke the News

    Morning Musket to the News

    Bantha_Fodder is sooooo awesome, I must comment on the news now

    [Hmm… “Nuke the News” – no wonder I gave you HIGH PRAISE. -Ed.]

  7. Yeah, I thought “Frank” had to be in the titular title. Rather than coming up with my own, I’m just going to say which ones I like, maybe to start a democratic revolt, maybe not:

    Frank’s a Dick News – this made me laugh out loud. Or at least exhale sharply. It should be the title for that reason alone.

    Aww, Some News – to be accompanied with an audio clip of Buttercup saying that or Frank pretending to be Buttercup saying that)

    Franchorman is complex. You’ve got Franc which is the french version of Frank which is funny. You’ve got rancor, because we’re all kinda bitter here and Bantha smells. You’ve got Anchorman which fits perfectly because it’s a fake news job. And yet, much like the movie, I don’t like it. Sorry, Marco.

  8. “Mark Halperin, editor-at-large for Time, was suspended indefinitely for calling President Obama a ‘dick'”

    But the really hilarious news is that today Mika Breschinski (spelling? who cares) said that MSNBC is under fire from the White House since the comment, as the White House thinks MSNBC doesn’t have enough White House supporters airing their views on their network…umm…seriously??

  9. Frank’s self-evident truths

    Live Frank or Die

    Frank “does” the News

    Let me be Frank

    Frank saves the news

    The Frank Amendments

    Tagline: “The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.” ~Thomas Jefferson

  10. Howxabout:

    Die upon our Bayonets, Liberal Scum

    Morning Bolt from the Blue

    Hippee Punch

    Arrogant Look at the News

    Arise and Awake, Conservative Soldiers of the Right

    News that Frankly Matters

    Sarah K’s Husband Reads the News

    Papa Buttercup Tells a Story

    Nuke the News!

  11. Mark Halperin was just misunderstood. He was simply describing Obama’s presidency as a “Dick Durbin” presidency.
    Meaning Obama is really an illegal alien from the future who is currently president.

  12. Hey Frank, yesterday afternoon Unistat76 offered:

    Unistat76 says:
    June 30th, 2011 at 1:42 pm
    Frank Nukes the News.

    and soon after

    island girl offered:

    Frank’s Nuked News
    ….amonst other ideas

    …. but all you can ponder is
    Bantha’s Fodder

  13. * Get Over It!

    * The Whole News And Nothing But The News, So Help Me Frank!

    * Gird Your Loins

    * News And Views with Jews

    * I’m Frank J. And News Is My Middle Name

    * Frank J., That’s My Name And News Is My Game

    * Heeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Frankie!!

  14. Moon the news

    The Morning News Musket

    It’s the news, dummy

    Points to Ponder

    Now why didn’t I think of that?

    Daily Despot

    Getting my Frank all up in your news

    Newsie News with FrankJ

    No gnews is good gnews with FrankJ Gnu

  15. Mark Halperin’s comment was completely disrespectful of the Office of President and I, for one, support his suspension. He should have referred to Obama as the Dick in Chief.

  16. Bantha…giggle…stop, I can’t take the humor…gafaw…laugh…giggle…You really have to stop!!! I mean…(tears running down cheeks, belly hurting from all the laughter) you need to give the rest of…ha ha ha ha ha…us a chance…falls of chair laughing with much hillarity!!!

    The rest of you guys suck! Your are either Frank or Bantha butt kissers!!! You are the same guys who will go out and vote for Obama because like he’s the current POTUS!!! You are suppose to take on the “man”…not agree with him you twits!!!

    No wonder the country is doomed!!! DOOMED I tell you!!!

  17. Stuff I Couldn’t Fit In My Curling Newsletter.

    Sarah has the remote and my Nintendo broke so I read about this stuff :

    Diaper needs changing, better look busy.

    Paper for pixelated parakeets.

  18. 4th of July weekend!! – nowadays, a uniquely Republican Conservative experience. (Oh, let’s hear the non-conservative Republicans complain about that!)

    Where are the Independence Day postings? Come on, guys, you got a life or sumpin’?

  19. If Halperin thought the dialog required that sort of coarseness, he could have just used Science! Here’s an example: Dick Durban, my former senator, is a useless steaming pile of digestive byproducts! No problem!
    Is there anything Science can’t do?

  20. I can hardly wait to see who got high praise this time…

    You know when you were in school and you’d arrive at class a bit early and there would be a pair of shoes sticking out from under your teacher’s desk? Bantha_Fodder and Frank J. I’m not sayin…I’m just sayin…If you know what I’m sayin…

  21. Your suggestions were all awful. You people are nearly Obama useless. I don’t know why I keep you around.

    We just come here for the spam. Can we get back to the Great Landlord, please?

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