The Thomas Jefferson Workout: It Involves Guns

A quote from America’s 3rd President:

A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercise, I advise the gun. While this gives a moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprize, and independance to the mind. Games played with the ball and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no character on the mind. Let your gun therefore be the constant companion of your walks.

I’m assuming he was referring to soccer in the penultimate line.

Link of the Day: Obama Wants to Be in Your Holiday Cards

[High Praise! to iOwnTheWorld]

Obama, Once Again, Narcissistically Insinuates Himself Into Another Personal Moment

Yup, Obama bumbles another fundraising email.

I’d describe a couple of these pictures as risqué, rather than NSFW. Best not to have the boss over your shoulder, though.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

The Most Offensive Toy in Britain

[High Praise! to Tongue Tied]

Per the Daily Mail:

A [British] luxury department store has apologised for selling wooden toy versions of Soviet-era rocket launchers. London store Liberty was forced to pull the £23.50 toy from is shelves following a number of complaints, with some describing it as “vile” and “tasteless”.

It’s… a TOY.

What in the world are they objecting to?

I speculate thusly:
_______________

* It’s pink, the official color of breast-cancer awareness, but doesn’t have the official awareness ribbon. Sexist.

* Poor craftsmanship. Huge gap between the launcher & the bed of the truck. Shoddy, shoddy work, fellas!

* Wheels are attached by Phillips-head screws. The cross-shape of the slots has obvious [and OFFENSIVE!] Christian overtones.

* It’s pink, the official color of girls. Are you calling Soviet communists a bunch of girls just because they lost the Cold War like a bunch on young non-males who wear dresses and daisy-patterned underwear?

* It’s a Soviet-era rocket launcher, but it lacks any markings to identify it as communist, such as “CCCP” or “Forward.”

* Unlike real Soviet rockets, the ends of the wooden toy rockets aren’t honed to a fine point capable of putting a child’s eye out. How can we teach our children to blink in the presence of incoming eyeball-targeted projectiles if there are no real-world consequences?

* All the edges and corners are rounded off. Much like eyeball-targeted pointy projectiles, splinters encourage character, wisdom, and prudence.

* It’s made from the same wood as Gibson guitars.

* 3am barefoot-parent bathroom-in-the-dark toe-stubbing hazard.

* Patently deceptive, yet extremely cool, atomic mushroom-cloud on the box the toy comes in. The missiles that come with the toy are only designed to air-burst, which creates a spherical explosion.
_______________

Yeah, it’s a piece of junk.

Stick with Buckyballs.

Bloodletting

We got 1.5% growth in GDP this last quarter — basically nothing. So what’s happened? Hasn’t Obama built more roads and bridges so businesses would magically spring up? But don’t worry, Obama has a big tax hike planned on the rich which will help business by taking more money out of it. It’s basically the bloodletting theory of economics — you know, you bleed a person out to make him feel better. Similarly, we’re going to tax people to economic health.

If we reelect Obama, we’re not really taking this whole “having a country” thing very seriously.

Romney a Wimp?

Newsweek, which is still around for like a week or two longer, is trying the wimp attack on Romney, because what’s the job of the press but to try out new attacks in benefit of Obama? Anyway, the solution to this is pretty simple. Get the Newsweek reporter, Michael Tomasky, to ask about the “wimp factor” directly to Romney, and then Romney just needs to punch Tomasky really hard in the face, knocking him to the ground (it’s like a long time ago when John Stossel asked if wrestling was fake). Then Romney can be the bigger man and toss a few hundreds to Tomasky saying, “Go clean yourself up.” And then Romney should ride off on a motorcycle while wielding a sawed off shotgun. Then hopefully he won’t seem like a wimp, though if it comes up again, during the debates he can headbutt Obama until he gets Obama to bow to him.

Just a reminder to Romney, I’m still available as a campaign adviser and I’m very expensive.

You Didn’t Build That, Racist!

So you know the “You didn’t build that!” comments from Obama are really hurting him since he’s working so hard to counteract them. He keeps claiming they’re out of context — the “that” refers ungrammatically to “roads and bridges” instead of one’s business — but the problem is it sounds horrible no matter what the context. The fact is, he’s not shouting “You didn’t build that!” at business owners out of respect; he chastising them as if they don’t know where roads and businesses come from. It’s a useless twit who has never worked an actual job in his life lecturing people who risked everything to make their own businesses about things they already know. Plus, it’s a backwards understanding of the relation of government and business. The government doesn’t make roads and bridges to allow people to create businesses; the tax revenue from business is what gives the government money to make those roads and bridges.

Anyway, the whole argument over Obama’s “You didn’t build that!” statement has now jumped the shark as Jonathan Chait argues the anger over it is all about racism. See, for this speech, Obama was using “black dialect.” I didn’t detect it, no one else I know heard black dialect, but Chait sure heard it. While the rest of us were hearing anti-success liberal tripe ala-Elizabeth Warren, Chait instead saw an angry scary black man yelling in crazy black man speech. And that means everyone other than him is a racist. I don’t know what you even say to this anymore except, “Here is a ball, Chait. Perhaps you’d like to bounce it.”