The scariest part of attending an Obama fundraiser? Knowing that your in a room full of people who either stupid, insane, or hate everything you support. Or all three together. It can be entertaining to mock them, but you can save money and probably get much more entertainment by visiting a local college and throwing things at the Hippy-Students.
. . . when the big, giant robot grabs you by your ankles and holds you upside-down and shakes you until all your cash, and credit cards and checkbooks and stocks and certificates of deposit and IRAs fall out of your pockets, and then it drops you. But that’s still not the scariest part. The scariest part is when it leans down with its evil, glowing red eyes and shiny, razor sharp teeth and hot, oily, roboty breath and says, “See you again April 15th!”
…is refusing to attend and having a sneaking feeling that somewhere up in the sky is a Predator drone that’s been made aware of your existence.
…is realizing you’re not at a show jumping event and that although your performance has been quite impressive Sarah Jessica Parker REALLY wants you to get off now.
…is everyone wondering if you’re gay
…is giving money to someone who keeps using the phrase “the wealthiest Americans, like myself”
…is realizing that only a stupid hippie would actually attend an Obama fundraiser and then realizing that by attending an Obama fundraiser you are yourself a stupid hippie OH GOD THE HORROR THE HORROR THE HORROR THE HORROR
…is having to see Obama.
The scariest part of attending an Obama fundraiser? Knowing that your in a room full of people who either stupid, insane, or hate everything you support. Or all three together. It can be entertaining to mock them, but you can save money and probably get much more entertainment by visiting a local college and throwing things at the Hippy-Students.
The dog canape tray.
Watching Debbie Wasserman Shultz gnaw on a rawhide bone.
The SS cavity search.
. . . when the big, giant robot grabs you by your ankles and holds you upside-down and shakes you until all your cash, and credit cards and checkbooks and stocks and certificates of deposit and IRAs fall out of your pockets, and then it drops you. But that’s still not the scariest part. The scariest part is when it leans down with its evil, glowing red eyes and shiny, razor sharp teeth and hot, oily, roboty breath and says, “See you again April 15th!”
hearing “Tomorrow Belongs to Me” playing over the sound system
filling out the EPA Environment Impact Form on the way in…
You gave Sarah Jessica Parker a lump of sugar ONCE, and now she won’t stop nuzzling your hand every time she sees you.
…is avoiding all the pee stains from the donors urinating submissively every time The One’s searching gaze brushes past.
…is worrying if Bruce Valanche will be there after that unpleasantness in Florence last spring. I don’t want to talk about it.
the way Janet Napolitano is licking her lips as she prepares to frisk you
is observing during the frisks that most people carry no weapons at all, not even a pocket railgun or a rocketlauncher.
…the Two Minute Hate.
…eating the Wagyu Beef without a fork.
…realizing that all these idjits can vote.
is wondering if the donation required is actually less than the tax for not attending.
…getting too close to Sarah Jessica Parker’s teeth.
…the pre-lobotomy physical.
I have no silverware to eat my waffles and arugula.
…is that unsettling tang of Alpo in the air near the hors d’oeuvres table.
……wondering when the sparkly vampires arrive for the ritual bloodletting. All we want to do is eat your brains, we’re not unreasonable no want to eat your eyes”.
is wondering whether that is Wagyu beef or Bo being served on crackers.
is realizing you are the only person in the room that has discovered uses for soap and shampoo.
is realizing that all the other people there think Vogue is a news magazine.
…is when you start laughing at the jokes, then realize they’re not joking.
…..looking at the platters of roasted dog coming out of the kitchen.
…suddenly finding yourself between the buffet and Michael Moore.
Having to watch Janet Napolitano, Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters pole dancing for contributions.
Watching people in clothes worth thousands of dollars, consuming hundreds of dollars of food and wine, talk about how capitalism is the problem.
Large Move-On.org women stampeding!
…when he takes you aside to show you his bus.
…is the goat dance.
…looking at the menu card you thought that Weimaraner was a tropical fruit and Shih Tzu was directions to “the Little Despot’s room”!
is who we’re giving the money to.
…is that it reminds you that this idiot IS the President of The United States of America!
…watching Bill Maher and Michael Moore slobber all over themselves at the same time.
…the huge mirror reflecting TWO of all these people !!!
…like the “Jaywalking” segments, just realizing that people THIS stupid really do exist !!
BTW:
**Shout out to Mrs. Campbell’s entry**
You’re watching a stage play. A banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog….
…is refusing to attend and having a sneaking feeling that somewhere up in the sky is a Predator drone that’s been made aware of your existence.
…is realizing you’re not at a show jumping event and that although your performance has been quite impressive Sarah Jessica Parker REALLY wants you to get off now.
…is everyone wondering if you’re gay
…is giving money to someone who keeps using the phrase “the wealthiest Americans, like myself”
“Shave the Wookie” contest.
… the goodie bags have ipods with Obama speeches and pictures of Anthony Weiner’s bits.
Paying $1000 to eat a dog. And not even a good dog just one they got at the pound.
. . . spending the entire evening wondering how Anna Wintour talks without ever opening her mouth.
…finding out the ‘booger eating moron’ section is for the smart people.
…the ten people who make largest donations can skip nekkid Barney Frank jumping out of the cake.
…wondering if you donated enough to get one of those coveted Obamacare exemptions.
…is realizing that only a stupid hippie would actually attend an Obama fundraiser and then realizing that by attending an Obama fundraiser you are yourself a stupid hippie OH GOD THE HORROR THE HORROR THE HORROR THE HORROR
…realizing the food was cooked by illegal aliens in dirty clothes who didn’t wash.
… is watching the Secret Service strip search Sarah Jessica Parker after one of the K9 units let out a howl and ran off in terror.
…the smell of sulfur in the air.
…realizing the menu was halal.
…realizing with horror that a video clip of you at an Obama fundraiser might end up on Youtube one day.
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