Straight Line of the Day: The Obama Campaign’s Fundraising Emails Keep Getting Weirder…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Obama campaign’s fundraising emails keep getting weirder…

43 Comments

  1. The Obama Campaign’s Fundraising Emails Keep Getting Weirder…The latest one opens with “Please, please give me money!! If you don’t, Michelle and I are going to have to move back to that festering rat hole Chicago and I’m going to have to get a real job. I’ve never HAD a real job! Please, please, please give me your money…”

  2. The Obama Campaign’s Fundraising Emails Keep Getting Weirder…The latest one opens with, “Would you like to see Debbie Wasserman Schultz cage fight Valerie Jarrett? For a small donation of $12.67, Team Obama will…”

  3. Donate $250 or more today and receive an Obama action figure, complete with bowing and golf-swing actions, also includes the all new super-spender utility wallet! Take away his teleprompter attachment and listen to him say the President’s famous catch-phrases such as; “It’s dinner time, where’s Bo?”, “The economy is doing fine.”, “We had a plan and it worked.”, and that classic “You didn’t build that.”. Donate today! Please! (Seriously, the campaign is practically broke and we really, really need the money.) Forward!!

  4. The Obama Campaign’s Fundraising Emails Keep Getting Weirder…The latest one starts off with, “How many times in your life will you have the opportunity to have a beer with the lowest-performing president in U.S. history? For a donation of $25…”

  5. The Obama Campaign’s Fundraising Emails Keep Getting Weirder…The latest one starts with, “Every day a dog dies in Indonesia and a boy goes to bed with a full tummy. With that in mind, to keep Barrack Obama eating steak in the White House for the next four years instead of (a) chow from the local shelter, act now by donating $20…”

  6. The Obama Campaign’s Fundraising Emails Keep Getting Weirder…The latest one reads, “For just $10 you can give a man a chance to realize his dream of playing every PGA course in America in just eight years…and some of them twice.”

  7. GOOD DAY;

    COMPLIMENT OF THE DAY TOGETHER WITH YOUR FAMILY, THIS IS TO CONFIRM THE
    RECEIPT OF ORDER FROM THE FEDERAL MINISTER ADMINISTRATOR TRUST FUND
    COMMITTEE DATED 25 / 4 / 2012.

    IT IS MY GREAT PLEASURE AND HONOR TO INFORM YOU THAT WE RECEIVED
    EXPRESSMANDATE AND INSTRUCTIONS FROM MR.PRESIDENT, BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
    (FRK) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF KENYA TOGETHER WITH THE FEDERAL MINISTER
    ADMINISTRATOR TRUST FUND COMMITTEE TO COMMENCE THE IMMEDIATE RELEASE OF
    YOUR ENTITLEMENT FUNDS THROUGH THIS MEDIUM OF MONEY GRAM MONEY TRANSFER FOR EASY
    CONFIRMATION AND YOU SHOULD BE INFORMED THAT THROUGH THIS MEDIUM OF MONEY
    GRAM MONEY TRANSFER THAT YOU ARE ENTITLED TO BE RECEIVING $4,500,000.00 USD
    ONLY PER DAY UNTIL YOUR TOTAL FUNDS IS COMPLETELY TRANSFERRED TO YOU.

    HOWEVER; THE MANAGEMENT OF THIS MONEY GRAM MONEY TRANSFER WISH’S TO INFORM
    YOU THAT YOUR FIRST INSTALLMENT PAYMENT SUM OF ($4,500,000.00 USD) HAS BEING SENT
    IN YOUR ADDRESS THIS MORNING BUT THE PAYMENT HAS PLACE ON HOLD BECAUSE YOU
    DID NOT FULFILLED OUR RULES AND REGULATION UNDER FOREGOING TRANSACTION.

    ACCORDING TO OUR FOREGOING TRANSACTION STRATEGY THE TRANSACTION WILL COST
    YOU SUM OF $250.00 FOR THE SIGNING AND STAMPING FEE OF YOUR PAYMENT FILE,
    PLEASE CALL ME WITHIN THIS IMMEDIATELY OK.

    1) STAMP FEE $150.00

    2) SIGN FEE $100.00

    3) TOTAL SUM OF $250USD ONLY

    SO MY DEAR IN YOUR BEST INTEREST, WE HEREBY ADVISED YOU TO USE BELOW
    INFORMATION AND SEND THE STAMP AND SIGN FEE IMMEDIATELY THROUGH WESTERN
    UNION OR MONEY GRAM MONEY TRANSFER TO BARACK OBAMA REELECTION CAMPAIGN SO THAT WE CAN BE ABLE TO RELEASE THE
    FIRST $4.500.000 USD FOR YOU TODAY.

    BELOW ARE THE RECEIVER DETAILS,

    RECEIVER NAME / MR. BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA REELECTION CAMPAIGN (BHORC).
    TEXT QUESTION / HOW
    ANSWER / LONG
    COUNTRY / KENYA
    CITY / MACHACOS
    AMOUNT / $250.00 ONLY

    BE RE-ASSURED OF THIS MONEY GRAM INTEGRITY AND PERSONAL INTEGRITY. THIS IS COMPLETELY FREE-RISK. THANKS,
    I AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPOND.
    REGARDS
    MR.BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
    MANAGER FOREIGN OPERATION
    PHONE NUMBER: +312-698-3670
    ADDRESS = P.O. Box 802798, Chicago, IL 60680 or 5TH SHACK ON THE LEFT, SMELLY NAIROBI SLUM, KENYA

  8. … that any day now I expect him to send an email asking to send rent/mortgage payments to the campaign with the promise that the gob’ment will take care of it.

    … If you’re illegal and in a drug cartel donate $2000 and get an AK-47 (and we will look the other way).

    … When you have unused EBT money left on your card sell it and send the money to me.

    … For only 5 bucks we will send you a 1/4 inch piece of the shredded Constitution of America.

    … For twenty bucks I will send Harry Reid to the Senate Floor and claim you work harder than rich people.

  9. Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?Are we there yet?

  10. …for a donation of $3.00 or more, you may win a role in one of the numerous Barack Obama theater release and made-for-TV movies that will be produced in Hollywood in the coming years, rewriting history to make Obama appear competent and successful, while blaming his numerous failures on Republicans.

  11. The Obama Campaign’s Fundraising Emails Keep Getting Weirder….

    This one says, “We tried our plan, and it worked.”

    This one says, “I didn’t say people didn’t build their businesses.”

    This one says, “I was told if I didn’t forward this to at least 10 of my friends, dead people in swing states won’t be able to vote for me.”

  12. The Obama Campaign’s Fundraising Emails Keep Getting Weirder…

    …They’re asking for you to send them your dog so they can save money on meals while on the road.

    …They announce that with every donation you get a free antivirus application… it then informs you by opening the email a virus was downloaded on your computer which will cause videos of Janet Napolitano and Nancy Pelosi doing a strip tease to pop up every 5 minutes.

  13. Have you recently competed in the Olympic Games and won? Don’t let that medal sit in a dusty display case. Donate it to the Obama campaign where it will be used in glorious fashion to re-elect Obama.

  14. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

  15. “…and for an additional $50, you will be the proud recipient of a heavily redacted copy of Obama’s college transcript. All names, courses and grades will be blacked out, but the Occidental College logo will be clearly visible.”

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