Right at the beginning of the movie when Edward, mouth dripping, mumbles, “The blood … was … tainted” and falls over dead. Running 2 hours of Travel Channel highlights from Bolivia to fill out the rest of the film was a real shocker to me.
Christian Slater showed up before the battle scene to try and interview the Volturi. His last shot involved him running like a Democrat from responsibility.
It was weird, but they showed up to fight with their faces painted half blue, and then they all lifted their kilts. I’m still not sure what that was all about, but baby, it was cold outside.
The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…was Rod Serling narrating at the end how they had been in “The Twilight Zone” and the whole story was from a drug induced coma.
The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film is (spoiler alert) the death of most of the major characters at the hands of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.
And yes, I stole that from Jimmy Fallon. But it was too good not to.
The Biggest Surprise of the Final Twilight Film…
the loud sucking sound throughout the movie was the movie series actually sucking.
a space laser evaporated the lot of them in the middle of the movie and none of the people watching noticed.
…was the scene of a pale and sparkly Bob Newhart waking up in bed next to the corpse of Suzanne Pleshette and commenting about the strange dream he just had which was interrupted by a CGI of Rod Serling walking onto the set and making a droll, insightful commentary about having just departed…The Twilight Zone.
Joe Biden running around screaming Malarky.
… The bollywood style dance number at the end, totally didn’t see that coming.
The sequence where David Letterman did Stupid Werewolf tricks.
…what the hell is a “Twilight” film?…
was that Kristin Stewart didn’t do all the Volturi because they said they were directors.
Not to be outdone by sparkly vampires, the werewolves got their fur permed,
…Taylor Lautner is actually Keyser Söze.
Turns out that Bella was Keyser Sozay all along!
The vampire and werewolf Gangnam style scene was more reminiscent of Elaine Benes’ dancing moves.
Vogon poetry doesn’t have much effect on the undead.
Jacob Black screaming “LEEROY JENKINS” everytime he jumped through the air.
Bella was really a man!
…when Xerxes offered Edward the title of Warlord of all Portlandia in exchange for a tribute of earth and fair-trade coffee.
…when Barney Frank shot up in bed and realized it was all a dream.
…the Spanish Inquisition! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
….when Big Bird showed up to campaign Obama from the sidelines.
…Peter O’Toole guest starring as a shirtless vampire. (He’s surprisingly ripped for an 80 year old.)
…was Dan Akroyd sitting at a desk in the final credits saying “Kristin you ignorant slut.”
♬
They did the mash… They did the Monster Mash…
♬
The vampires slept in binders instead of coffins.
The whirring sound of Bram Stoker in his grave could be heard over the end credits.
In order to appeal to a more international audience, they included jiangshi:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChineseVampire
The emergence of the vampire cat — Nomsferatu
…Abraham Lincoln slaying all the vampires with an ax.
Right at the beginning of the movie when Edward, mouth dripping, mumbles, “The blood … was … tainted” and falls over dead. Running 2 hours of Travel Channel highlights from Bolivia to fill out the rest of the film was a real shocker to me.
Blade popped out and killed them all!
….was the realization that the migraine it gave you was the cause of the sparkles all along.
…the Vampires blew up the moon so the werewolves wouldn’t be able to have their power. I wonder where they got that idea ;).
Was that this actually IS the last Twilight film. Praise Allah, Let It Be So!
#7 Ha ha we typed it at the same time!
Christian Slater showed up before the battle scene to try and interview the Volturi. His last shot involved him running like a Democrat from responsibility.
…that people are still going to watch Twilight films.
…was Gary Busey’s cameo dressed as a prom queen.
Was Edward dropping Bella like a cold fish and running off to San Francisco with that hunk Jacob.
Is when the werewolves start up a casino.
There was a flash mob dancing to “Thriller” in the middle of the whole thing.
…was when the vampires built a giant wooden Werebadger.
It was weird, but they showed up to fight with their faces painted half blue, and then they all lifted their kilts. I’m still not sure what that was all about, but baby, it was cold outside.
…was learning all the sparkly blood suckers were just gay lawyers looking for Obama’s navy corpsemen.
…is seeing all the werewolves in the feminine products aisle every full moon.
…was when Frank J and spacemonkey got in that fight to be first in line.
… were the zombies snickering in the background.
… was that the sparkling was just the aneurysm.
… was that someone actually spent money to make this “thing”.
… the only Vampires who “Twinkle” in sunlight are also “light in the loafers”
The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…was Rod Serling narrating at the end how they had been in “The Twilight Zone” and the whole story was from a drug induced coma.
The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film…was that it got less press than the personal lives of the idiot actors in it.
The biggest surprise of the final Twilight film is (spoiler alert) the death of most of the major characters at the hands of Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.
And yes, I stole that from Jimmy Fallon. But it was too good not to.
… is that it was all just Bobby’s dream
… is when Col. Henry Blake’s plane is shot down over the Sea of Japan
The Biggest Surprise of the Final Twilight Film…
the loud sucking sound throughout the movie was the movie series actually sucking.
a space laser evaporated the lot of them in the middle of the movie and none of the people watching noticed.
…Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.
…it turns out Rosebud is a sled.
…Maggie shot Mr. Burns.
…people actually spent money to see it.
…they’re reworking the story to turn it into a TV sitcom starring Dane Cook.
First, Bella busts the vampire guy and the werewolf guy sucking face.
Then, Daniel Day Lewis shows up as Abe Lincoln and kills them both with an axe, and with a little help from an adz.
Was that the entire final battle was really about who gets to have their picture on the new Count Chocula Box
…had more bad acting than a William Shatner film festival.
was the subtitle — It Ain’t Over ’til The Bat Lady Sings
…was the scene where Lawrence Talbot and Count Dracula moved to a country where assisted suicide was legal.
CarolyntheMommy, I have a small to medium to large to extra-large girlcrush on you. That is all.
…was the scene of a pale and sparkly Bob Newhart waking up in bed next to the corpse of Suzanne Pleshette and commenting about the strange dream he just had which was interrupted by a CGI of Rod Serling walking onto the set and making a droll, insightful commentary about having just departed…The Twilight Zone.
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