Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
As soon as Obama landed in Texas, Rick Perry…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
As soon as Obama landed in Texas, Rick Perry…
…reloaded
…asked Obama for proof of U.S. citizenship.
…asked him if he was looking for work.
…offered him a Bo-rrito
…said, “I’m the El Chorizo Grande ’round these parts.”
…scheduled to meet with him at Rock Ridge.
…sent Alex Karras to take care of him. (Unfortunately Obama had a candygram along with him)
…asked him if he’d like to tour a fertilizer factory.
As soon as Obama landed in Texas, Rick Perry…
…Moved into the White House, and barred the doors.
… tried to capture him for a later exchange of prisoners in Civil War II.
… reminded hm that he didn’t have to bow.
…frisked him to see if he had a gun. He didn’t so Perry offered him a loaner.
As soon as Obama landed in Texas, Rick Perry…
…closed all book depositories.
…lit out for Ol’ Mexico.
…fired the entire Texas Air National Guard Anti-Aircraft division.
…felt his Spidey-senses begin to tingle warning him of danger.
…hid that $8 billion dollar surplus.
As soon as Obama landed in Texas, Rick Perry…
…asked him if he remembered “The Alamo”, which confused Obama who wanted to know why he had to remember a car rental company.
As soon as Obama landed in Texas, Rick Perry…
…reminded him that border was at the Rio Grande, not the Rio Usumacinta.
…shook his hand and said “life is tough, but it’s tougher when your stupid”
…grabbed Obama’s sac and said “when you got em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow”
…asked him “I’d like to know why well-educated idiots keep apologizing for lazy and complaining people who think the world owes them a living”
* and a hat tip the the Duke – John Wayne, for these awesome quotes
…observed the capital lawn was a little shaggy and made a note to see if Barack was looking for steady, outdoor work.
…directed Obama to the nearest home depot parking lot so he could hand out the new Obama phones he brought with him
…ask him, “you know this is Texas, right? Big Red state with all the oil? You really meant to land here? You sure?”
…donned hi mask, summoned Tonto, got on his white stallion, and shouted Hi-Ho Silver, Away!! and rode to face the newly arrived danger. Those who witnessed this asked “who was that masked man?”
…painted a red line on the ground around Obama, leaving him confused and unable to act.
…..asked him if hes tried the Austin hydro yet.
Noticed that a nasty smell also arrived with Obama
Started counting the minutes til Obama leaves.
Said to himself “I got better things to do than fool with this idiot for the rest of the day.”
. . . farted in Obama’s general direction
. . . informed him that the agenda included some shooting, and that Dick Cheney was in town
. . . told him that the state’s name wasn’t spelled T-A-X-E-S
. . . reminded him that it don’t matter who’s in town, Bob Wills is still the king
As soon as Obama landed in Texas, Rick Perry…
…started humming the tune “Do not forsake me o’ my darling”
…hired the “Man with no name” to rid him of the evil never suspecting how things would turn out.
…asked if he could have a play date with Joe Biden.
said, “Go away or I shall taunt you again.”
…cued the William Tell Overture music.
… asked him if he was lost.
posted armed guards around all canines.
… ignored the Dufus and continued working.
… had the Band play “Dixie” for him.
… directed him to the University of Texas, since they were the only ones to turn out for him.
… had the plane detoured to Detroit, so the President could admire the Democrapic Party in action.
…invited the President to a meeting at North Camp Pasture.
There’s a rock there that is the perfect spot for a photo op.
…put on his Perry not perro tee shirt.
…made sure Ted Nugent knew he had just opened Big Eared Beanpole Bow Season.
…ordered all his security to stand downwind.
…shipped all of his tamales to the other side of Austin in case Michelle showed up.
…got word to the recipients of the gift boots that the pouring instructions were printed on the inside this time.
…said,” remember the Alamo!” and gave him four mexicans
Offered to take him snipe hunting.
…said, “You’re messin’ with Texas. Get the hell out.”
@29 ~~~ for Writer
…presented him with a personalized, custom cowboy hat – brimless, cone shaped, and emblazoned with the name “Obama”.
As soon as Obama landed in Texas, Rick Perry…
…had him arrested for being Alien.
…gave him a six pack and a six gun and sent him on his way.
…demanded he restore Texan independence.
… made sure Michelle wasn’t along so they could have the burritos at the state dinner.
…made sure the Secret Service had the proper amount of Hookers for the stay.
directed him to go find PeeWee’s bike in the basement of the Alamo.
… said “There’s Air Force One, Air Force Two, and . . . . uh, . . . . there’s a third one . . . I’ll remember it.”
…made sure all the “This is not a Choom type grassy knoll” signs were up.
…had an aide dust off the official Presidential Sidesaddle.
…tried and failed to confiscate his zipper for being on the Texas no fly list.
…took him on a tour of the ghost town Dallas, newly designated after the visit by Debbie Wasserman Schultz was done.
… warned him against ordering wine when served chili.
… warned him not to try to go mesquite shoooting.
… and warned him not to ride a girl’s bike with a crash helmet, or to try to throw a pitch, around any Texans: “I b’lieve that’ll get yer ass kicked, president or no president.”
… invited him to Big Bend National Park, to, you know, brush up on his diplomacy.
… told him that Dallas has a marathon every year, and asked him if there was any intel he wanted to pass on this time.
…had a list of issues he wanted to discuss with Obama, but could remember what they were.
… sent him on an all-day tour of a City Sewage Plant.
grabbed him, stuffed him in the balloon, and left for oz–thereby saving our world.
Let in a bunch of homeless, unemployed people to discuss their status while he went home.
…….make him apply for citizenship.
YGDFT!YLTATSOTE! Spacemonkey your stealing my bacon? How could you do this to me.
…took him on a cruise of the Rio Grande, then stranded him on the other side.
I’m going for the sweep here!
…escorted him to the “No Executive Orders Allowed” zone.
…showed him the difference between farming crop and talking crap.
…explained the difference between riding bull and talking bull.
…punched his lights out. (Not funny, but I wish.)
…asked, “So, you were born in a canyon? Which one?”
…told him “there are 3 programs of your’s that I really don’t like: Obamacare, the Stimulus, and, uh, what’s the third one?”
…said “Welcome to Texas.” Obama said, “Thanks! I haven’t been in a foreign country since last Thursday!”
…offered him a hot dog for lunch. Obama was confused by what he received.
…had to explain that the men in Texas really weren’t actually part “cow” and part “boy”.
…punched his lights out. (There. I said it again.)
…said “You keep using that word “Recovery”. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Then he showed him what it means.
…gauged Barry’s ability to learn from history and suggested a visit to the JFK parade route.
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