Now is the time to leave the shelter of academia behind and face the challenges of making a living in the real world… nah… who am I kidding? Free EBT cards and smartphones for everyone! Your parents will pay for it.
…” a borrower nor lender be, because borrowing dulleth the edge of husbandry while loan oft loses both itself and friend.” But that was Shakespeare, what the hell did he know.
…remember going to grad school can delay your student loan repayments until I am out of office, economy may turn around by then.
… And the best part is, after you finish paying off those student loans, not even realizing how little return you got for your investment, as alumni you’ll be hit on for more and more money for the rest of your life — and then some, they want to be in your will — to continue to support this place even as its relevance decays. Man, I love suckers like this. So, who’s interested in a time-share?
…My advice to you, in how to make it in the real world outside the Academy, is to always trust the policies put forth by those who don’t depend upon success in the real world, Look how well that’s been working for the last 5 years.
… Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be brief. The issue here is not whether I broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with my Constitutional privileges – I did. But you can’t hold a whole government responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals lie myself. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole electoral system? And if the whole electoral system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our democracy in general? I put it to you, isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to me, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.
… sorry that there are no jobs for you and you have to move back into you parents house. Just remember you can stay on your parents health care plan thanks to me. So remember to vote democrat in 2014 so I can get Nancy Pelosi to absolve your student loans.
Eat recycled food for a happier healthier life, be kind and peaceful to each other, eat recycled food. Recycled food is good for the environment, and ok for you.
If you have an obamaphone with you in class, make sure that it is turned off. If you forget to turn it off, and your cell phone rings while you are in class, turn your phone off immediately, and then apologize for the disruption. If you answer your cell phone while in class, bow your head in shame for such an act of rudeness and disrespect, and vow that you will never do it again. If you have even the slightest doubts about being able to resist answering your cell phone while in class in the future, throw your cell phone out the car window as you are driving home, and make sure that it hits the concrete.
…on the bright side, there will always be jobs in the drones sector.
…YGDFTYLTATSOTE (biden got free of his idiot handlers leash, and someone let him mess with obamas teleprompter)
…let me be clear. if anyone knows about massive unpayable debt, its the federal government. so believe me when i say dont worry, no one actually expects you to pay it back.
1) “…You,…you in the front row, … with the sexy head scarf on: Here’s my card… ” [mouths: ‘Call me tomorrow…’}
2) “All that bilge about not talking-up what you did in your formative years :
Didn’t do me any big harm, now did it…. ? ”
3) “Find a good woman and stick with her. Where’s Valerie Jarret, anyway? I know she’s there, somewhere….”
4) “….Always have ‘an out’ at the ready. Barring that, just clam-up, or lie your teeth out…..”
5)”….always leave ’em guessing…..”
…was that gender reassignment surgery was their best bet as non Ivy League grads to advance in today’s workforce.
…to use the anger and shame of landing a white collar or non union labor position to destroy their companies from within.
…the phrase close enough for government work and never releasing your college transcripts have a lot in common if you have absolutely no qualifications.
…trying to fix stupid is just plain dumb, but being stupid will fix you right up in the Democratic Party.
…face it guys, you are probably all latent homosexuals but now you are free to enjoy being blatantly screwed by the man.
President Obama’s advice to college graduates: Remember those shovel-ready projects I was talking about? I hear the long-handled ones are better to lean on while waiting in the unemployment line.
…”Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money, and facilities! We didn’t have to produce anything! You’ve never been outside of college! You don’t know what it’s like out there! I’ve worked in the private sector, for almost a week. They expect *results*”
Go placidly amid the noise and waste and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet & passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself & heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys; know what to kiss & when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right but that three do.Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity & disillusionment & despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, & mutilate. Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you—that lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth, birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan; & let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 555-4311; ask for Ken. Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese; and reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee. You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here, & whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back. Therefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive Him to be—Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, & urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. Give up. — Deteriorata
…You’ll find the best companies will go to the ends of the earth for good people… and they’ll find them there for a tenth the cost of what they’d have to pay you.
… Hide your transcripts.
… A few “Hope” posters really brighten up your parents’ basement.
… Your EBT cards don’t count as income for the purposes of repaying your student loans.
… Be thankful you weren’t required to learn any math, because then you’d realize how screwed you really are.
Now is the time to leave the shelter of academia behind and face the challenges of making a living in the real world… nah… who am I kidding? Free EBT cards and smartphones for everyone! Your parents will pay for it.
…support your local dog rescue…they’re a great source of free food until the EBT card refills.
…Learn a foreign language
…you can get away with anything if you put a “(D)” after your name
…the important lesson here is that while you tell people they can do anything, make damn sure they can’t
Ladies and Gentlemen take my advice,
pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
……stick your head between your legs and kiss your bum goodbye.
“Get youself edumacated.”
If you have trouble finding work, would you mind voting in eight precincts for me next November?
… Don’t think of it as “unemployment”, think of it as a “permanent spring break”.
…until you spread your wings you’ll never know how far you can walk.
…repeat after me… slowly… and succinctly… “You want fries widdat?”
… Now that you’ve been turned into my drone army, I invoke order 66 — eliminate all Republicans… MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
(@14 And yes, I actually looked up the specific order number from “Star Wars Ep. 3” for that one. I’m hoping to get extra credit for thoroughness.)
…plastics.
President Obama’s advice to college graduates:…
…drink heavily
President Obama’s advice to college graduates:…
…try curtains, it will help cheer up your mom’s basement.
President Obama’s advice to college graduates:…
…” a borrower nor lender be, because borrowing dulleth the edge of husbandry while loan oft loses both itself and friend.” But that was Shakespeare, what the hell did he know.
…remember going to grad school can delay your student loan repayments until I am out of office, economy may turn around by then.
President Obama’s advice to college graduates:…
…My advice to you is that face it, you screwed up, you trusted me.
… And the best part is, after you finish paying off those student loans, not even realizing how little return you got for your investment, as alumni you’ll be hit on for more and more money for the rest of your life — and then some, they want to be in your will — to continue to support this place even as its relevance decays. Man, I love suckers like this. So, who’s interested in a time-share?
…Why did you even get a degree? You could have taxpayers pay all your expenses and not work for free!
…it’s Bush’s fault
…as long as you vote Democrat, it’ll be the ONLY thing you have to do.
…never trust well-connected privileged political types….unless they’re Democrats.
…you can sell ONE kidney and still live a perfectly normal life.
… Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, unless you’re a Democrat.
President Obama’s advice to college graduates:…
…My advice to you, in how to make it in the real world outside the Academy, is to always trust the policies put forth by those who don’t depend upon success in the real world, Look how well that’s been working for the last 5 years.
…stripes with prints…no.
…blame Bush for all your failures, works for me.
President Obama’s advice to college graduates:…
…In the immortal words of Senator Blutarsky “Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the effin’ Peace Corps.”
… Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be brief. The issue here is not whether I broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with my Constitutional privileges – I did. But you can’t hold a whole government responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals lie myself. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole electoral system? And if the whole electoral system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our democracy in general? I put it to you, isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to me, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America.
#&^&(^% Libertarians FTW!
… I am not a crackpot.
Bacon to frogmouth!
http://tinyurl.com/YGDFTYLTATSOTE
… sorry that there are no jobs for you and you have to move back into you parents house. Just remember you can stay on your parents health care plan thanks to me. So remember to vote democrat in 2014 so I can get Nancy Pelosi to absolve your student loans.
Eat recycled food for a happier healthier life, be kind and peaceful to each other, eat recycled food. Recycled food is good for the environment, and ok for you.
“You can fool some of the people some of the time and jerk the rest off.”
You should have gone to a trade school.
If you have an obamaphone with you in class, make sure that it is turned off. If you forget to turn it off, and your cell phone rings while you are in class, turn your phone off immediately, and then apologize for the disruption. If you answer your cell phone while in class, bow your head in shame for such an act of rudeness and disrespect, and vow that you will never do it again. If you have even the slightest doubts about being able to resist answering your cell phone while in class in the future, throw your cell phone out the car window as you are driving home, and make sure that it hits the concrete.
“There’s always grad school!”
“get a government job” (pace derb)
“…relax on the beach, smoke some choom, and become a community organizer. That’s what I did and look how I turned out.”
“…don’t be racist, vote democrat.”
“…vote for Michelle in 2016 and she’ll let you eat cake.”
“…fatal system error 99888xbt33 F8 to reboot teleprompter”
President Obama’s advice to college graduates:…
One word folks… Ball bearings. Everything is ball bearings these days.
… apply for unemployment before graduation so you won’t have to wait those first two weeks.
…”you can blame your new careers as sex workers on global warming.”
This is an exciting time for you graduates. Just think of all the things that you won’t build.
…go forth and prosper enough to support at least 2 extended Mexican families
…ask not what your country can do for you, but what we can do together. (wish this one was a joke)
… Hoch lIj Huch [belongs] Daq jIH, in his original language
…is to remember that no matter what happens, how many hurdles you overcome, how many sacrifices you make, you didn’t build that
…is to watch reruns of Pinky and the brain, cause democrats in office, yeah, it’s like that, get used to it
…dont bother.
…on the bright side, there will always be jobs in the drones sector.
…YGDFTYLTATSOTE (biden got free of his idiot handlers leash, and someone let him mess with obamas teleprompter)
…let me be clear. if anyone knows about massive unpayable debt, its the federal government. so believe me when i say dont worry, no one actually expects you to pay it back.
… “I assume most of you have written at least one autobiography already, right?”
… “Now that you’re diplomates, don’t expect me to do anything if you get shot at.”
4 more years (of school)! 4 more years(of school)!
1) “…You,…you in the front row, … with the sexy head scarf on: Here’s my card… ” [mouths: ‘Call me tomorrow…’}
2) “All that bilge about not talking-up what you did in your formative years :
Didn’t do me any big harm, now did it…. ? ”
3) “Find a good woman and stick with her. Where’s Valerie Jarret, anyway? I know she’s there, somewhere….”
4) “….Always have ‘an out’ at the ready. Barring that, just clam-up, or lie your teeth out…..”
5)”….always leave ’em guessing…..”
On your way out, line forms to the right for EBT card, unemployment benefits and Obama-Phones
Hope for change
… is to never ask what happened to the student in the last row third chair in, who yelled “You Lie!” And to never speak his name.
… is to straighten up and fly right. Fly left. What’s with all the damn flies on the podium??
…fix the blame for the economy on students that had graduated previously.
…borrow more Student Loans and invest it in the Democrapic Party.
…Don’t quit your day class.
…was that gender reassignment surgery was their best bet as non Ivy League grads to advance in today’s workforce.
…to use the anger and shame of landing a white collar or non union labor position to destroy their companies from within.
…the phrase close enough for government work and never releasing your college transcripts have a lot in common if you have absolutely no qualifications.
…trying to fix stupid is just plain dumb, but being stupid will fix you right up in the Democratic Party.
…face it guys, you are probably all latent homosexuals but now you are free to enjoy being blatantly screwed by the man.
… “Try to guess why they’re called ‘sheep’skins.”
This is a red line…. Over there is a darker red line that moves around randomly… Don’t go there….
The cops in Watertown acted stupidly….
President Obama’s advice to college graduates: Stay in school!
President Obama’s advice to college graduates: Try not to dwell on the crushed dreams of your fathers. I don’t.
President Obama’s advice to college graduates: Your diplomas will help you go far. In fact, I hear they’re hiring at the Sizzler in Shanghai…
President Obama’s advice to college graduates: Remember those shovel-ready projects I was talking about? I hear the long-handled ones are better to lean on while waiting in the unemployment line.
…”Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money, and facilities! We didn’t have to produce anything! You’ve never been outside of college! You don’t know what it’s like out there! I’ve worked in the private sector, for almost a week. They expect *results*”
Was way wrong
Take ‘The Mark’ on your forehead; it’ll sting less than on the back of the right hand, and it’ll be easier to scan.
…”Don’t concern yourself with how much wealth you accumulate, what’s important is how much you pay in taxes.”
…”Your education is overpriced and not worth much in the market today, the workplace has upped its standards… so now up yours…”
“…anyone here need a job caddying on Sunday?”
Go placidly amid the noise and waste and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet & passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself & heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys; know what to kiss & when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right but that three do.Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity & disillusionment & despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, & mutilate. Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you—that lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth, birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan; & let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 555-4311; ask for Ken. Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese; and reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee. You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here, & whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back. Therefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive Him to be—Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin. With all its hopes, dreams, promises, & urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. Give up. — Deteriorata
…You’ll find the best companies will go to the ends of the earth for good people… and they’ll find them there for a tenth the cost of what they’d have to pay you.
… the new economy is very pro-family, not only will your children move back in with you… but you’ll still be living with your parents.
…..get down to the Welfare office early but don’t go on Mondays or you’ll miss Jerry Springer.
…Wapner in 10 minutes… definitely…
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