Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…
Joe Biden with a double barreled shotgun.
launch democrats at it, everything they touch shrivels up and dies.
…with a strongly worded letter warning it to stay away.
…leading Joe Biden to say, “I wish I could get some ointment for my asteroids.”
‘Earth’ Being the new name for the ‘Redskins’ and Asteroids being the new name for the ‘Cowboys’
…and it only requires and inexhaustible source of revenue.
…a giant cricket bat.
… by calling asteroids “UN resolutions.” Everyone knows they have no impact.
…by deploying a giant blue helmet, the international symbol of safety and hope.
…which involves commissioning “white papers” from 17 sub-groups of various UN agencies, followed by a General Assembly debate, a continuing resolution, and funding by the United States followed by a Russian veto….
… unfortunately, the plan will be administered by HHS.
… by giving asteroids veto power in the Security Council.
…meanwhile, send in the meteors!
. . . buy Jeff Goldblum a new Apple computer and let him have at it. If he can fight off aliens imagine what he can do with a rock.
… well, not really, but they do have a plan to blame Israel for any damage caused.
… which involves telling the Cookie Monster (or a slightly lesser-known Walrus) that the asteroids were made by Anonymiss.
… it involves sending up a tiny triangular spaceship (with two backups) to blast them apart into rubble.
…and, unlike the U.S. Government, they put up a website that actually works! Of course, it’s not connected to nothin’.
Sending inspectors to make sure there really is an asteroid.
The Paradise Syndrome
The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…
the plan is secret, but Bruce Willis is involved at some point.
by it usual method, bribery. THis time with Anonymiss cookies.
runaway!
Get the US to take care of it.
which somehow corresponds with the sudden disappearance of all the tubes of Preparation H.
Personally I welcome our new Asteroid overlords.
you get this one little ship that fires really fast at all the incoming asteroids, but it looks a little sketchy.
…have some agenda-friendly scientists produce a bunch of fake data on an entire new branch of sciencey-sounding research will take place until people start saying “the science has been settled – asteroids will not hit the Earth as long as everyone keeps giving us trillions of dollars to keep studying them and adopts a socialist ideology”.
@15 So I’m the friggin’ savior of Humanity now?
The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…
blame Bush.
…a really big “ASTEROID FREE ZONE” sign.
…but first they have to obtain the Illudium pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
@22 – Oh the Huge Vanity.
@26 – or – Oh the Huge Manatee
…and clean up the rings around Uranus
@26 I prefer an Armoire.
..It starts with a petition to update Earth’s listing in the Guide. “Mostly Harmless” makes us sound weak and ineffectual.
*29 – or a chifferobe?
@31 Generally my drawers are big enough to accommodate me.
Protective barrier over Earth formed by orbiting pages from the Affordable Healthcare Act. Downside: Never see the sun again.
..watch every asteroid avoidance/destruction movie/tv show episode ever made.
. . . by re-naming them “fast-moving things in the sky”.
…blasting them with spaceships powered by quarters. Anybody who grew up in the 80’s would be qualified to be a pilot.
…by launching Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck at it. -This time, Ben stays behind.
@36, Bob, your 2nd one is a fantastic idea even if there wasn’t an impending Asteroid of doom.
Which means, WE. ARE. ALL. GOING. TO. DIE.
The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…
Sharks with fricken laser beams on their heads
Man a French castle and hurl insults at it.
Since mankind is destroying this planet, notify the asteroid of it’s pending doom by coming here. That should scare it off.
…which involves naming the asteroid to the U.N. Commission to Save Earth From Being Hit By Asteroids.
And Maybe the U.N. Commission for Human Rights.
…but if it doesn’t involve Big Papi grabbing Kathleen Sebelius by the feet and hitting it with the barrel of the dingbat no one really cares.
…buying the moon a skirt and hiding behind it.
…everybody gets a blue helmet. A blue helmet with a spring on top!
…timing Hillary’s next screech fest just right. Plan B is giving her a lamp and a poor excuse. While standing on the roof.
…they send John Kerry to talk to it, but let the asteroid know ahead of time.
…waiting until dark and shining the Fred signal over the site of his last known victim.
…make it sign up online for Obamacare and hope a Republican is in the White House to come up with a solution.
…
The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…
…it’s a hybrid strategy — combing the less-than-successful tactics they use against a-holes and hemorrhoids.
tax them so much that they move to another solar system
… and it begins by analyzing the orbits of the ring of debris around Uranus.
Fire all chem, bio, nuke, normal(?) missile at one point on the side of the asteroid .
Upside it works and nobody has any missiles left
downside it doesn’t work and all the missiles that were hidden need to be used
The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…
…it’s a hybrid strategy — combining the less-than-successful tactics they use against a-holes and hemorrhoids. (correction)
…it’s a hybrid strategy — combining the unsuccessful tactics they use against Security Council a-holes and the hemorrhoids suffered by delegates who are forced to listen to their endless speeches about world peace.
It starts with a giant tube of Preparation A and a dinosaur (Pelosi will do). Strap a nuke to the dinosaur and load it down with the ointment, then launch the sucker. Gets rid of the asteroid and Pelosi at the same time.
… But Bruce Willis was otherwise occupied, and they hired Ben Affleck. Earth committed suicide.
… The will fire a sign into space marking the ‘Asteroid Free Zone.”
… which has been worked on in secret since 1979. The first step is to shut down Atari…
… They will sacrifice millions of insurance policies to the asteroid god Zubu. If you haven’t been his by an asteroid lately, clearly you need to thank Obama.
pass a law outlawing gravity.
The UN has a plan to defend Earth from asteroids…
… yet has no defense against the asterisks in Obama promises.
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