Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
… nothing new (they’re already listening to the Taliban).
… Valerie Jarret, George Soros, and Chrisie Matthews on speed-dial.
… he mostly uses it to play Candy Crush and watch Powerpuff Girls on Netflix.
… all of the latest basketball scores.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
the man is simply Jonesing for some Anonymiss cookies.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
naked selfies of Nancy Pelosi
… whenever he gets Michelle on the phone the battery “mysteriously” goes dead.
… it is in the possession of one Saul Alinsky.
… the chickens have finally come home to roast, er, I mean roost.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
The location of Moose and Squirrel.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
their names on the shortlist for IRS audits.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
what the Fox sez.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
it knows more than Obama does.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
Plan 9 from outer space!
the last person he butt dialed.
an good, goateed Anti-Obama.
…the mother of all Obamaphones
…every Friday night, he gets really baked, calls up the old Choom Gang via conference call, and they spend about 45 minutes going “wazuuuuuuuuup??”
…fewer and fewer journalists taking his calls
…a lot of calls to the D.C. animal shelter asking “what’s for dinner?”
…oh the phone, Michelle sounds just like muted trombone
…he ring-tones Gangnam style!
…that Disney Pals app is still the best way to keep Biden entertained during long boring meetings about grown-up Comminusty things.
…Chris Mathews gets a thrill up his leg every time Obama calls.
…most of the time, the phone’s just laying on an empty chair in the Oval Office.
…Obama doesn’t know how to use a phone – he has well-paid people to do that for him.
…his Choom dealer’s name.
…the display on the phone is blinking “12:00”
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
he really IS just phoning it in.
…that when he texts, he’s all thumbs.
…every time he says “let me be clear”, the reception goes out.
…the phone keeps requesting reassignment.
…he ends all this texts to McCain with a “<3 <3 <3"
…how much time he spends trolling 4Chan
…Verizon cancelled his unlimited data plan when he upgraded. He liked his plan, but he couldn’t keep it
…that he was unaware that he had a phone until he read about it on IMAO.
…that he’s stuck on level 2 of Candy Crush Saga.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
a useless tool, and a means of transmitting voice over long distances.
… nothing. (He had his phone records sealed.)
…that he suggested Verizon replace “Can you hear me now?” with “Let me be clear.” – but they told him to buzz off.
…that he really does hear it on CNN.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
it’s a rotary.
…his phone was purchased in Kenya, but at some point it was jailbroken, and although it has a US SIM card it appears to be from another phone.
…a lot of people are wishing they COULDN’T hear him now.
…who his cigarette supplier is
…those aren’t nude selfies – he thinks he’s wearing clothes that only smart people can see!
When the NSA spies on Obama’s phone, they discover… TIFIFY
(if he doesn’t know about Angela, why would anyone tell him about him)
When the NSA spies on Obama’s phone, they discover…
…not all the Caddys are in the shack.
When the NSA spies on Obama’s phone, they discover…
…It would be much easier just to take Mossads word on everything…the Brits do.
…the true, sinister reason behind “Bring Your Dog To Work Day” for White House staff.
…how often he really gets his head stuck in a bucket, and how much the official Head-Bucket Extractor earns.
…some new colorful Klingon swear words every time Michelle calls.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
…mostly selfies
…Paul Krugman is actually a surprisingly good romantic poet
…that he can’t quit Putin
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
themselves.
. . . twelve different versions of “Louie, Louie”.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
…that Obama really does have a son and he actually does look like Trayvon
…he’s spying them
…that Obama is still waiting for people to accept his invitations to play words with friends.
…that Obama is stuck on level 1 of Candy Crush
. . . that he really isn’t ready for that 3 AM phone call
. . . that he has a secret love on speed dial for when Moosh isn’t watching, but Anonymiss has his number blocked
. . . that he spends a lot of time with Healthcare.gov because he needs to arrange an individual policy and 2016 will be here before you know it
. . . that he called poison control six times last year because Joe Biden keeps getting into the cleaning supplies
…he’s been sexting with Angela Merkal.
…He’s been sexting with François Hollande.
…the following conversation:
Barry: “Ah, yeah. Vlad, uh, do think maybe, uh, um, you could lighten, um, up a little, on , uh, you know, uh Syria?”
Vlad:”Nyet.”
Barry: “I’ll, uh, disarm some more, uh, nuclear weapons.”
Vlad: “You first, comrade.”
Barry: “Uh, Okay.”
Vlad: “Bwaa-haa-haa!”
That myth about black guys and their, well, you know…? Busted.
…what accent he uses when he’s not on camera.
…the number of incoming phone calls that end with “is there someone else there I can talk to?”
…about once a week, Biden still gets him with the “can you see if Amanda Hugenkiss is there?” gag
…that he actually can talk out of both sides of his mouth at the same time.
… that he has one hundred ninety-one recipes for dog and only seven phone numbers stored there.
…that the reason Angela Merkel stopped spying on his phone is valid, listening to Obama makes you stupider, on the phone it makes you stupider by the minute.
…that Obama wears George Bush underwear in 9 of 10 selfies.
…his ring tone for emergency calls from the NSA is Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music just like the NSA’s hold music which for security reasons Obama is put on until after the emergency.
…that the solution to a problem is drone strike or golf. If YOU have a solution to something he caused be very afraid when he plays golf.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
he’s got 911 on speed dial.
When the NSA spies on Obama’s phone, they discover…
…all incoming calls from 2:30 AM til 4:00 AM go directly to voicemail.
…that his 3 AM phone calls get forwarded to Hillary Clinton, just to piss her off.
He took a number of online IQ tests. His avg. was 70
That he doesn’t know that he is being spied on.
If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
*ring*ring*ring*Click! “Hello, this is President Obama. I am unable to take your call at the moment but if you leave your name, IRS ID number, and a brief description of any new scandal of my administration that I am blissfully unaware, but which still needs to be covered-up, someone WILL get back to you on the matter, count on it. IF this is an International Emergency please hang up and dial 119. Ask for Vlad. I’m President Obama and I approved this message.” Click!
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If the NSA spied on Obama’s phone, they’d discover…
It’s been disconnected since 2009.