Straight Line of the Day: President Obama Denied Saying “If You Like Your Plan, You Can Keep It”. What He Said Was…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

72 Comments

  1. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    vaj nab rur pIHoH maH!

    “Go on Welfare and we’ll get some other poor dumb schmuck to pay for your plan.”

    IYLYPYCKI, Your payment may vary.

  2. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    obviously a misunderstanding between a being of pure light and the scum that inhabits the country.

  3. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    none of our business now STFU and pay your increased prices like the dumb, stupid, SILENT, sheep you are.

  4. Actually I did use the word plan a whole bunch of times. It’s not my fault you idiots assumed I meant your insurance policy. I was talking about your plan to have someone else cover the risk of high healthcare costs. You can keep that plan all you want. I had a plan to be Tiger Woods. Look how that’s worked out for me.

    The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men Gang aft agley.

  5. If you like your plan you can key Pitt.

    This was an allusion to the website backdoor user account “Pitt” that allows you select any policy options, match your selections with any price model, and select any user’s account to withdraw the funds from.

  6. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    If [indicating an open possibility] you [a generalized group including many, but not specifically an individual] like [conjectural subjective lacking specific definition] your [nominally possessive but functionally inclusive and not necessarily exclusive. see “you” previous] plan [a course of action suggested for the future but open for amending as new facts present themselves] you [See previous definition] can [representative of the probable but not definitive of actual results] keep [two things 1. To provide (a government, for example) with maintenance and support, 2. To raise. Both of which are operative in this statement] it [All inclusive generality without necessarily indicating anything specifically.]

  7. If you like your plan, you can keep it**.

    (*as long as the plan exists exactly as it is and you can somehow get it and at the same price*)

    He’s so smart he said the part between the asterisks at superduper speed. It’s our fault that our brains are too slow.

  8. Actually he did say “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” but there was a disclaimer also being played at a sub-audible frequency that stated “any promises implied or explicit are null and void at the end of this sentence.”

    Actually he did say “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” but he had his fingers crossed so it doesn’t count.

    President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was… if you drag this clip up in a couple years in order to make me look like a liar you are RACIST!!11!!

  9. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    If you like your plan you can keep it,
    Did I promise that to be true?
    Let me help you understand
    Cos I’ve lied to you before
    And I found that lyin’ was more
    Than just using words

    If I give my word to you
    I must be sure
    From the very start
    That you would vote for me more and more

    If you trust in me oh please
    Don’t fume and chide
    If I lie to you too oh please
    Don’t whine and snide just hush
    cause I used the same refrain
    to make a large change and make your hopes in vain

    So I hope you see that I
    Just love to lie to you
    And that you may cry
    When your plan raises by two
    But I certainly feel your pain
    but your increased costs are somebody’ subsidy to gain

    So I hope you see that I
    so love to lie to you
    And that you may cry
    When you learn good plans are few
    but why did you expect I wouldn’t lie to you?

  10. If you like your plan, you’ll really like your new plan which also covers obotomies and walletectomies. Period. If you like your doctor, and he is still practicing under the weighty new regulations, you can keep your doctor. Period. If you like failure on a massive scale, you can keep your president. Period.

  11. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    also accompanied by a high frequency disclaimer that only dogs could hear, and since any self respecting dog keeps his distance when Obama speaks he probably didn’t tell you about it.

  12. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    lost amidst the loud yelling and confusion caused by his pants spontaneously bursting into flames.

  13. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    ..If you like our plan, you can keep it

    …Someone get a fire extinguisher and put my pants out please.

    ..If you like your van, you can key it

  14. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    Would you believe that if you like your plan you can keep it?
    …Would you believe that if you like your plan you might save up to $2500?
    …….Would you believe that if you like your plan, you might still be able to find a comparable one?
    ……….Would you believe that that you are an idiot?

  15. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    I believe for every plan that drops and falls
    A subsidy grows,
    I believe that somewhere where is a broken website
    A scandle grows,
    I believe for everyone who does enroll,
    ANother perosn will be on the dole,
    I believe, I believe.

    I believe in the storm the smallest payer
    can still be billed,
    I believe because someone in the NSA somewhere
    Hears every word,
    Every time we fund a preborn baby to die,
    Or replace your Doc, while prices hit the sky,
    Then You know why,
    I believe.

    Every time we fund a preborn baby to die,
    Or replace your Doc, while prices hit the sky,
    Then You know why,
    I believe.

  16. …if you like your plan, Monsieur Papillon, you can keep it. Offer may not apply in New Mexico.

    …well, your plan or your can, nobody rides for free.

    …never tell anybody outside the family what you’re thinking, so here’s an offer you can’t refuse, they massacred your health insurance, so you can take the canoli or take Obamacare. Capice?

    …you can keep your plan, on life support… oh wait your plan has a living will and wants to die.

  17. President Obama denied saying “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” What he said was…

    President: “You’re cat that you liked, it died.”
    You: “How can you just come out and tell me that? Couldn’t you break it to me gently?”
    President:”How?”
    You:”You could have said it was on the roof, we had so much trouble getting it down, it was up there for days and days when it finally got so frail from lack of food it slipped and fell to it’s death. How about that? That would have been better.”
    President:”Ok I can see how that would work.”
    You:”Great, now how about my health care plan and doctor you said I could keep?”
    President:”Well you see your plan was on the roof…”

  18. …if you like your plan so much why don’t you marry it? Take a picture of your plan, it’ll last longer. Hey you plans, get off of my lawn!!! Don’t go away mad, just go and put your head between your knees and kiss your plan goodbye. Hate to call the kettle black but you’re out of the plan and into the fired. If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, you would be a diabetic squirrel with a preexisting condition and eligible for Obamacare, sign up soon.

  19. President Obama Denied Saying “If You Like Your Plan, You Can Keep It”. What He Said Was…

    “Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
    If You Like Your Plan, You Can Keep It;
    If You Hate Your Plan, You Can Change It;
    If You Don’t Have A Plan, You Can Shove It.

    Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
    Or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
    Unless it agrees with your own reason
    And your own common sense.”

  20. President Obama Denied Saying “If You Like Your Plan, You Can Keep It”. What He Said Was…

    “If you like your doctor, you will be able to keep your doctor, period. … If you like your health care plan, you’ll be able to keep your health care plan, period. … My view is that health care reform should be guided by a simple principle: Fix what’s broken and build on what works. … However, if the HealthCare.gov website breaks and Kathleen Sebelius is still working, all bets are off, exclamation point.”

  21. Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!

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