Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
… reducing the average American (i.e., the non-“elite”) into a state of serfdom, complete with 1500’s technology. At best.
…making sure tires are inflated properly.
… eating the cookie dough instead of actually baking cookies.
… buying beachfront property in Antarctica.
… blaming Bush.
Giving all taxpayers a haircut.
… instituting blanket amnesty.
… getting full lobotomies so that the “data” makes sense.
… conferences. Lots of conferences. They fix everything.
… running a series of PDAs reminding kids to not do global warming.
… making it illegal to burn anything except dope, the Constitutions, and anti-progressive heretics.
Sweat tax.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
only exhaling on odd numbered days.
finding and confiscating the source of Anonymiss Cookies!
practicing not laughing at Michelle Obama when she wears her halter top and cut-offs.
… reserving some tee times up in Maine for next December.
. . . taking frequent trips at taxpayer expense to wherever it’s cooler.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
rounding up some virgins to sacrifice to Gaia!
… researching dog tartare recipes.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
creating a website to answer people’s questions.
reminding everyone that he’s as outraged as anyone, but that he just found out about this warming in the papers like everyone else.
… by creating “studies” that “show” that the failures of the ACA website were attributable to increases in temperature.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
covering up their eyes and running around the room screaming AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
building a giant Ark.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
having the IRS audit the Environment.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
laying in an extra large supply of ice in his golf cooler.
… figuring out a way to tax people by degree.
By passing the “If you like your weather, you can keep it” act which forces greedy Alaskan, and North Dakotan capitalists to share their cold weather with the rest of the nation.
*don’t hold us to the title of the bill. It’s rhetorical. We’ll decide whether your weather is good or not, how much of it you should have, and when you should have it.
. . . by implementing a methane tax on the sale of beans
. . . by reducing Obamacare reimbursements to hospitals that use too many blankets
. . . by allowing food stamps to cover the purchase of party ice
. . . by adding ice cream to all school lunch programs (low-fat of course)
… by turning the press pool into an actual pool.
… created the Global Warming Bureau for Urban Summerization and Habitation (GWBUSH) so that it could be blamed for any negative effects.
asking Vladimir Putin what we should do.
… bicycle messengers. “Green”, you know.
… bowing to the Sun.
…by calling the environment “RACIST!!!11!” until it stops refusing to warm up.
…wearing short-sleeve shirts in June, July, and August when global warming is at it’s highest.
…manufacturing data to prove it’s happening.
…doing absolutely nothing since there’s no such thing
…by accusing any political enemies of “not doing enough about global warming”
…ordering the Department of Weights and Measures to redefine temperature measurement units annually so that they reflect the predictions of “the settled science”. After all, if “the science is settled”, then clearly our system of measurement MUST be wrong since it doesn’t reflect the undisputed fact that global warming is happening.
…by redistributing temperature.
… passing only “cool” legislation.
… taxing all refrigeration.
applying the Keynesian model for heat reduction by increasing the amount of heat generated by the government. This would include:
– 300% more speeches at Democrat fundraisers
– Burning 1000% more taxpayer dollars
– A marked increase in flaming straw-men
– Afterburners on the Presidential Golf Cart
– Keeping the Democrat portal to Hades open 24 / 7
an aggressive plan to eliminate all warmth on the Earth by 2017
…taxing any thermometer that doesn’t show rising temperatures.
…classifying all weather data under executive privilege and outlawing thermometers.
…doing away with unnecessary branches of government like Congress and the Supreme Court to reduce the Federal government’s carbon footprint.
…taxing farts.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
commissioning a study of chickens who have had their heads cut off and measuring their “running around” so that appropriate guidelines can be written for all low level public employees. More senior public employees and Congress will be exempt and will receive appropriate subsidies for not running around like a chicken with it’s head cut-off while receiving incentive bonuses for acting like a Ostriches with their heads in the sand.
…stick its head between its legs and kiss its bum goodbye (hopefully its bum turns out to be Obama)
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
…taxing and spending just like any other day
…buying stock in sunscreen companies
…buying up all the available property in the Denver area since it will soon be ocean front property
…pressuring the Washington Redskins to change their name while ignoring the Chicago Blackhawks
…using EPA S.W.A.T. teams to reduce the carbon footprint of any opposition.
…converting the Keystone Pipeline to deliver snow from Canada.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
actually doing something instead of creating scandals that the wingnuts keep blaming him for, interferes with his golf game.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
opening a few windows, getting a little stuffy in here.
…cutting taxes, eliminating red-tape, listening to the people, and thereby making hell freeze over.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
twerking.
…increasing funding to Planned Parenthood in order to decrease the production of carbon-based lifeforms.
…by ordering 5 million parkas
…by making sure the Obamacare exchanges have excessive heat exposure coverages required in every policy
…taking it a serious as they took making the Obamacare website!
…by using magnifying glasses to fry ants on the sidewalk then shouting “see!! That’s what’s gonna happen!! ”
…ordering a used copy of “How to surrender to anything” off France’s Ebay
…practicing on the choreography of their flash mob, to the song “Its getting hot in here”
…lighting fires all over the place to prove it’s here, or something, or anything to distract from the Obamacare failure
…after checking with his Goricle, He has decided to set up a task force. The obstructionist Republicans have refused to serve on the task force, except for Governor Eddie Calvo of Guam, who faces the additional peril of capsizing in the rising waters.
President Obama ordered the government to prepare for global warming by…
making ready the only thing PROVEN to lower temperatures and cause snow and freezing rain where ever it may appear. They will deploy…..The AlGore.
…requiring that heat sinks be installed in all the Capitol restrooms.
…installing back-up generators for the air conditioning systems at any location he ever plans to be.
…making all of the church going ladies bring those cardboard fans-on-a-stick back with them next Sunday.
…have a hat made for Arianna Huffington’s giant head, steal it and cover DC with it.
…no more roll-on antiperspirant, all federal workers must use roll-in-it deodorant tubs.
…having all their monitors display a picture of him from 2008, back when he was cool.
…stockpiling Dry Ice.
… forcing a Bill through Congress repealing the Second Law of Thermodynamics; issues Executive Order mandating that refrigeration equipment run at maximum capacity for the next 10 years; blames Republican obstructionism after 10 years when man-made global warming actually occurs for the first time in history.
The 17-year pause in global warming is likely to last into the 2030s peer reviewed paper by
Professor Judith Curry of the Georgia Institute of Technology and Dr Marcia Wyatt
I have no way or wish to make this funny (liberals liers and losers every one)
…by converting all the taxpayer subsidized windmills into giant fans.
…eating a dog
…interpretive dance
… giving a speech.
… Replacing dirty fossil fuels with cookies.
…by constructing more golf courses in temperate areas.
…by making preparations to invade Canada
…re-institute Aztec Sun God worship replete with human sacrifice.
…mandates for only no-bake cookies… BLEAH!
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