Straight Line of the Day: A New Government Study Shows That the Only Way to Kill Ebola…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

A new government study shows that the only way to kill Ebola…

46 Comments

  1. … is to taunt it by standing in front of it eating Anonymiss’s cookies.
    … is to threaten it with economic sanctions, just like with, um, eh, nevermind (doesn’t seem to work).
    … school lunches.
    … make it read the text of the Obamacare bill. Or attend an Obama speech.

    … create a government program to make it multiply.

  2. A new government study shows that the only way to kill Ebola…

    a sharp blow, slightly under the left elbow. If you can find it’s elbow.

    doing what your mother tells you.

    be alert, be observant and quarantine the hell out of Africa.

    is to NOT listen the government.

    is to use a fluid only available from the heads of clubbed baby seals.

    blame Bush.

  3. A new government study shows that the only way to kill Ebola…

    … is Boooosh!

    … is Gun Control.

    … You have to pass it to find out what’s in it.

    … is to finally finish the research into Formula 410.

    … Duct tape?

  4. …get Michael Jordan to draft it.

    …a semi-withering glare from Fred Thompson.

    …get it drunk and have it wake up next to a tequila worm in Keith Richards’ liver.

    …have a Baptist minister make an offhand remark about it’s right to life.

  5. …is to turn it into a Senate bill and watch it die in committee.

    …is with kindness.

    …is to hashtag it to death.

    …is to make it part of the economy.

    …is to lock it in a room with Joe Biden until it can’t take it anymore and offs itself.

    …is to Wewease da Kwaken!

    …is to redefine it as a third trimester fetus and send it to a Planned Parenthood office.

    …let’s not go on about who killed who….

    …is with one executive order after another….just like our freedom.

    …is late at night, while it sleeps, with a pillow.

    …is to tell the Marines to do it (and stand back).

  6. …is to drive a wooden stake through its heart. -So we’re going to need millions of microscopic stakes and tiny hammers.

    …infect ebola with Lindsay Lohan.

    …start a rumor that Ebola burned a Koran and let ISIS do all the work.

  7. A new government study shows that the only way to kill Ebola… is to pass it in the house so that it can starve to death in Dirty Harry’s desk drawer…. along with everything else that the house passes.

    …. is to make it eat “commercial” cookies, not Anonymiss goodies…

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