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November 20, 2002
The Homeland Will Be Secure When Our Enemies Are All Dead
Despite Democrat's utter contempt for the safety of the American people, the Homeland Security Bill has been passed. I'm too lazy to read anything about it and thus develop an opinion on it, but here are some provisions I hope are in it: *Makes it clear that the Muslim tradition of murdering infidels is no longer a protected form of religious expression. *Since many terrorists get in through Canada, all of Canada will be mined. As an extra precaution, anyone ending a sentence in "eh?" will be immediately shot. *Panama will be nuked to create a larger gap between peaceful North America and the dangerous South America. *Home ownership of firearms will be encouraged by a declaration that anyone who doesn't own a gun is a "pussy." *Anyone excited about Gore running for the presidency will be placed on a watch list. Gore himself will be placed in a solitary confinement in a sound proof room composed entirely of plastic just in case he has powers like Magneto or plans on speaking again. *Since vast national forests are a good place for terrorists to hide, they will be infested with ninjas. *All liberal universities will be bombed. The six remaining universities will be watched carefully. *It is now illegal to be French. *Ann Arbor, Michigan will be placed on the list of terrorist nations. U.S. will enforce a regime change if they don't tell us where they're hiding their WMD's. *Voting for a Democrat is now considered an attack against the nation's security and is classified as an act of treason. As always, if you have any more suggestions to help national security, put them in the comments section. 17 Responses To "The Homeland Will Be Secure When Our Enemies Are All Dead"
Hey! I thought you were against ninja attacks! #1 - Posted by: Gleeful Extremist on November 20, 2002 10:47 AMHey, I go to a liberal college... #2 - Posted by: Bob on November 20, 2002 11:21 AMI'm against random ninja attacks. Why does everyone have to distort what I say to make me look dumb. And I'm sorry, Bob. There will be collateral damage. #3 - Posted by: Frank J. on November 20, 2002 08:41 PMPatchouli will be classified as a "Chemical Weapon of Mass Destruction" and all of the filthy Left Coast Hippies will be given 8 minutes to hand over all of their supplies or face nucular annihilation. (And yes, we should call it "nucular", just to piss them off before we kill them all) #4 - Posted by: Emperor Misha I on November 21, 2002 01:20 AMWouldn't it be easier just to remove Gore's batteries? Also, I see nothing related to Barbara Streisand. Can we add an Amendment? #5 - Posted by: Dennis Moore on November 21, 2002 09:54 AMWhat non-liberal universities? #6 - Posted by: A student who wants to know on October 4, 2003 06:01 PMAny way we can leave the business schools unaffected? For some odd, unexplainable reason there are far fewer hippies there. *puzzled look* I wonder why... #7 - Posted by: Andrew on October 17, 2003 04:46 AMMariah Carey, Britney Spears, Celine Dion, and anyone else with the name of "diva" (save for Aretha Franklin) will be rounded up and shot. All other female pop superstars will be watched carefully. And the Dixie Chicks will be placed under criminal exile in Cuba, with the rest of the Communists. You know, where they belong. #8 - Posted by: The Vigilante on January 7, 2004 12:49 PMTo make the nation safer we should move all the (Mexican't) to France and bomb the hell out of that dirty cheese smelling of a place! #9 - Posted by: Dale on February 16, 2004 12:08 PMAlso we should get rid of Donald Trumph's hair, it hurts just to look at it. I mean a terrorist could hide something in there, because no one wants to look at it. #10 - Posted by: Dale on February 16, 2004 12:15 PMMake a resolution to send all the liberals to California(and anyone else you don't like. "Ann Arbor, Michigan will be placed on the list of terrorist nations. U.S. will enforce a regime change if they don't tell us where they're hiding their WMD's." Those of us in Ohio have known this for decades... #12 - Posted by: Buckeye on June 6, 2004 02:28 AMThe Baldwin family (Alec, Daniel, Stephen and the rest of the inbreds) shall be taken where they wanted to go if Bush got elected - deported to France. (They dawdled long enough!) #13 - Posted by: American Infidel on June 16, 2004 09:33 AM*Slaps Frank* Wrong UofM campus, it's Dearborn that is the craptacular ghetto haven of Arabs. #14 - Posted by: Michigander on August 31, 2004 01:31 AMWhat is possible would never have been achieved if, in this world, people had not repeatedly reached for the impossible. #15 - Posted by: fleshlight on December 8, 2004 05:28 AMbest Rolex Replica Watches 2004 Collection: Superior http://www.replicashopping.com/html/swiss_rolex_replica_watch.html http://www.replicashopping.com/html/japan_rolex_submariner.html 99% precise Fake Watches Rolex Replica 2005 collection: Rolex Replica, Replica Watches, Swiss Rolex Replica, Fake Rolex watches, Replica Rolex Replicas, fake rolex, fake watches, fake rolex replicaes replica watch part and Rolex Watches at replicashopping.com #17 - Posted by: replicashopping on March 21, 2005 03:53 AMPost a comment
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