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January 02, 2003
Frank Test for Terrorists
I had to travel by plane over the holidays, and that got me thinking about what are some actually effective ways to prevent terrorists from getting on board. Why not, instead of bothering me about my trusty pocketknife, they try to psychologically screen for terrorists using a short quiz. Here is what I came up with: TERRORIST TEST QUESTION 1: What is your name? Non-terrorists have names like Larry, John, or SpongeBob. If the person answers with "Mohammed" or the nickname "The Engineer," he's probably a terrorist.
Terrorists will not be able to help themselves from completing the sentence with the word "kill". Non-terrorist foreigners will fill the blank in with "thank", "hug", or "kneel down before".
Non-terrorists will probably become confused by this question and leave it blank since they would need to know more information about the problem before being able to assign blame. Terrorists will instinctively fill in the blank with "JEWS!!!" or "jooooos!".
Most non-terrorist Americans’ knowledge about the Crusades will come exclusively from the beginning of the movie Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (or Robin Hood: Men in Tights), so one should be wary of any answer that doesn't mention Kevin Costner. Even if the person does know something about the Crusades, he or she will probably not have much of an opinion about it as it seems as relevant to modern life as the battle between Thag and Zork in 30,000 B.C. over who got to next paint a buffalo on the cave wall. Only dirty terrorists care about the Crusades.
The terrorist answer to all of these is D. QUESTION 5: QUESTION 6: QUESTION 7: QUESTION 8: QUESTION 9: QUESTION 10:
36 Responses To "Frank Test for Terrorists"
"Non-terrorists have names like Larry, John, or SpongeBob." OMG, i have been laughing uncontrollably since i read this! Thanks a bunch. Larry(non-terrorist) #1 - Posted by: Larry on January 2, 2003 08:37 AMI can't work right now because my eyes are filled with tears. You're forcing me not to read your website during work. Everyone at work is staring at me like I'm crazy because I can't stop laughing. Are you trying to get me fired? #2 - Posted by: General George on January 2, 2003 12:54 PMQuestions 8 and 9 kill me...oops, did I write "kill"? Must be a jew conspiracy to make that a colloquialism. #3 - Posted by: addison on January 2, 2003 05:53 PMGlad your back, Frank. The "WARNING: I'm about to read Frank's wesbite--sudden guffaws and uncontrollable laughter are about to begin" sign has been dusted off again. I made that up. That's not what the sign REALLY says. #4 - Posted by: Mrs. du Toit on January 2, 2003 06:11 PMPriceless! I've been remiss lately about visiting your great site. I'll be visiting daily again! Q: What's a terrorist's favorite seat on an airplane? A: C-4! (I know. I know. It was there. I HAD to use it. :p) #5 - Posted by: B.C. on January 4, 2003 09:30 AMFreakin' hysterical! You might enjoy this terrorist short comedy movie: http://www.slice-of-freedom.com/ LOL!, nice one, i love it,,, QUESTION 3: Fill in the blank: The ones to blame are the ____. "QUESTION 8: LMAO, the best part is, THEY SHOULD REALLY DO THAT! #7 - Posted by: UZI4U on September 24, 2003 11:41 PMHow do you get these ideas? Truly Hilarious. #8 - Posted by: Ravi on October 17, 2003 07:47 AMG-D you are funny!! now i have to read these on a plastic chair in case i piss myself laughing #9 - Posted by: on October 19, 2003 09:48 PMI've just discovered your blog, and this is the first entry I read. This is hilarious, but mostly because it is too true! #10 - Posted by: Scott on October 27, 2003 10:04 PMfrank this is all to much to take..i've never laughted so much...thanks...it was a joy... #12 - Posted by: Libby on January 7, 2004 04:09 PMQUESTION 10:
QUESTION 10:
XD I think that sums up my thoughts. #15 - Posted by: Wumpi on February 14, 2004 09:06 PMI'm guilty of the Robin Hood reference. funny stuff. #16 - Posted by: Barbara on April 5, 2004 10:25 PMthis needs to be on a t-shirt. that way I can wear my how to recognize a terrorist T I got from you on even days and the test for terrorists on odd days. #17 - Posted by: rumcrook on April 25, 2004 02:11 PMSMS, Logo, Dzwonki One word: dude #19 - Posted by: Fingolfin on May 28, 2004 12:44 AMduuuuuude #20 - Posted by: Fingolfin on May 28, 2004 12:46 AMQUESTION 2: Fill in the blank: I want to ____ Americans. Terrorists will not be able to help themselves from completing the sentence with the word "kill". Non-terrorist foreigners will fill the blank in with "thank", "hug", or "kneel down before". Dude, you forgot the option of BURN #21 - Posted by: Fingolfin on May 28, 2004 12:49 AMWhat a bunch of stupid hicks you are. I wonder if anyone here has graduated from high school. Retards....and you make me ashamed to be an American. Go fuck yourselves. #22 - Posted by: phucu on June 25, 2004 10:48 PMHeh heh! Yeah, that was pretty f***in' funny! The funniest part is that IT'S TRUE...you can ALWAYS tell a terrorist by how they look and what their name is... People with names like TIMOTHY and TERRY could NEVER be terrorists. Anyway, I have a feeling that I will be seeing a lot of you in hell, dumb-f***s. -Timothy McVeigh #23 - Posted by: Timothy McVeigh on June 27, 2004 03:48 PMI really DO wonder why people from other countries want to chop off all of our heads? Huh. This webpage provides NO clue to the answers... Have fun in your world travels, folks. Best of luck to you... -The Queen #24 - Posted by: The Queen on June 27, 2004 03:51 PMYou can tell that you're right if you're pissing off the right people. And my opinion about the Crusades is that, in general, they had the right idea, but the execution was shoddy. #25 - Posted by: guest on June 27, 2004 05:19 PMWell, according to question 6, I'm a terrorist! #26 - Posted by: The Reaper on July 26, 2004 03:02 AMWhat a bunch of stupid hicks you are. I wonder if anyone here has graduated from high school. Retards....and you make me ashamed to be an American. Go fuck yourselves. Posted by: phucu on June 25, 2004 10:48 PM Well you can go to hell, my friend. #27 - Posted by: Will on July 31, 2004 10:11 PMcan someone email me the joke, i can't find it! #28 - Posted by: Yvette on August 4, 2004 01:16 PMWell, according to question 6, I'm a terrorist! I think this test allows for one wrong answer. Kinda like "If you answered yes to two or more of these questions..." then you are a terrorist. #30 - Posted by: mlebean on September 16, 2004 03:57 PMGood stuff, all! To all the playa hataz out there...if you don't like what it says on this website, get off! Don't bother posting, because we don't give a shit what you think!! You don't like the US...leave. Move to France, or even better, Holland. They have legalized drugs so you're safe! #32 - Posted by: senior beavis on September 22, 2004 01:04 PMPerhaps we should make a slightly altered test to see if one is a smelly, granola-nut, tin-foil hat wearing, green party, hippie. If they are perhaps we shouldn't shoot them, but simply deport them. I hear the Sudan is lovely this time of year. Cowboy up you bunch of cupcakes. Stop whining like four year old girls with "hurt feelings." Horse-face lost and we have, to quote one intelligencia, 4 more years of money and dead terrorists. #33 - Posted by: martinluther on November 4, 2004 06:12 PMWhat is possible would never have been achieved if, in this world, people had not repeatedly reached for the impossible. #34 - Posted by: fleshlight on December 8, 2004 05:12 AMI hate fucking nazist like you! you should be ashamed of yourself and your ridicoulus test! it's amazing how dumb you are! You shouldn't call yourself an american cause you are only a perverted nazist, you are an insult to your nation! USA is a great country but unfortunately is full of white nazist garbage! try and try harder to think before you talk or attempt to write a test! Marcore #35 - Posted by: Markore on December 14, 2004 10:02 AMAfter all the above had to destroy this hillarious joke, I am converting to conservativism. Just save the animals while you save America, and we will be happy. Its one thing to be vegan, but even animal rights activists have standards. What is the difference between a liberal, a terrorist, and a cow? A liberal is what goes in the cow, a terrorist is what comes out the rear end! #36 - Posted by: new supporter on March 2, 2005 12:25 AMPost a comment
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