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February 13, 2003
I Don't Think Anyone Has Used a Noogie in a Diplomatic Situation Since Teddy Roosevelt
North Korea supposedly now has nuclear missiles that are able to hit the Western U.S. So what. We're able to hit all of them. And I bet ours are faster, too. They could launch a missile at us, and we could wipe them all out before they were able to find out if their missile hit. And what strategic importance would it be to hit our west coast? They'd just wipe out the Hollywood liberals, the least warmongering among us. Those left would be our most warmongering, and America would probably now be so belligerent that would not only wipe out North Korea but probably also start randomly attacking Canada and Mexico because they're near us. Of course, we need to get missile defense to protect our west coast; those idiots in Hollywood are ours to kill. Once we have missile defense, the North Koreans can't even pretend to threaten us. We'll just keep badgering North Korea saying, "Why don't you nuke us? Huh? We're really scared, you know. Why don't you teach the evil imperialists?" And they'll just continue to bluster about how they can fight anyone, but it will be much more muted now. Then Bush can offer to have talks with Kim Jong Il. As soon as the talks start, he can grab Jong in a headlock and start giving him a noogie. Jong: Ahh! My Poofy hair! You imperialists will pay with... Bush: Why don't you nuke me, Jongy-boy? Why don't you nuke me? Jong: ...will burn while the citadels... Bush: Come on and nuke me, Jilly-Jong. I dare ya. Jong: Oww! That noogie hurts! Please stop! Bush: Then say you're a girl! Jong: No. Bush: Say it! Jong: I'm a dainty little girl. Man, diplomacy will be so cool once we have our missile defense. We'll easily be able to get back at those weasely European countries because we could nuke them and they can't even touch us. We can make all French citizens have to kneel to the West five times a day and surrender. The Germans will have to inhale helium so they don't sound so scary when they talk. And all the waffles in Belgium will be ours. Also, we'll declare that all oil in the world is technically the property of the United States by virtue of us being so kickass. So get to it, you rocket scientists. There are too many uppity countries out there who need to learn their place. 20 Responses To "I Don't Think Anyone Has Used a Noogie in a Diplomatic Situation Since Teddy Roosevelt"
"I'm a dainty little girl." I can picture that "man" saying that. He is quite an odd looking fellow. Like a clown reject from the Ringling Brothers. [Damnit, Frank. "two many" = "too many"] #1 - Posted by: addison on February 13, 2003 10:18 AMMensaMan laugh out loud at work...this bad. #2 - Posted by: MensaMan on February 13, 2003 10:39 AMI think we should send in the US Navy Seals to steal the stupid commies nukes and use blow up North Korea with their own hardware. That way Bush could give them the whole "why don't you stop nuking yourself? why don't you stop nukeing yourself?" schtick. While giving Jimmy Jong a nuggie. #3 - Posted by: MensaMan on February 13, 2003 10:49 AMI agree with MensaMan, a team of U.S Special Forces penetrating deep behind enemy lines, and setting off a North Korean Nuke would be classic. What possible response could they have? "You American Imperialist, we will nuke you with our Cessena delivery system, oh nevermind you just destroyed our only nuke." The just for fun we can launch a nuclear attack on France and blame it on North Korea, we could actually set up launchers from North Korea to make it look real. It would be great. Have a nice day. #4 - Posted by: usa102482 on February 13, 2003 10:52 AMYep, you're fully recovered. Classic stuff. M #5 - Posted by: MM on February 13, 2003 11:12 AMI think we should just broadcast Superman I to North Korea - and tell them Superman will be really pissed if they fire a missle at us. #6 - Posted by: Jim on February 13, 2003 11:23 AMNO MORE GRAMMAR CORRECTIONS! If I wrote anything that is completely unintelligible, e-mail me. #7 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 13, 2003 11:44 AMAlong with the noogie diplomacy, I also suggest wedgie and swirley diplomacy. #9 - Posted by: Ryan on February 13, 2003 12:15 PMRyan, swirley diplomacy will have to be outside of the US- all of our toilets are now of the low-capacity type. #10 - Posted by: Bill H on February 13, 2003 01:14 PMInstant classic Frank. Beautiful. #11 - Posted by: Larry on February 13, 2003 01:47 PMWill Bush do ninjitsu in the future? It would be great if he eventually did a whirling kick of some sort on Peter Jennings...because I cannot stand Jennings. I apologize for the grammar thing. It was just eating at me. #12 - Posted by: addison on February 13, 2003 01:56 PMFrank, I found a video you might find funny: Addison, that video is funnier than shit. #14 - Posted by: General George on February 13, 2003 05:01 PMKick ass! I want a souped up, backwards driving car! #15 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 13, 2003 06:20 PMActually, I think the Belgians should all have to make beer and chocolate for us. They're the two things they actually do well (waffles are overrated). #16 - Posted by: David Jaroslav on February 13, 2003 07:20 PMI want that car. (I'm going to be twenty in September and I don't have my license. Won't for another month. How pathetic is that?) You can't tell but I'm actually clapping. Well done Frank! As a British dog I am for your Missile Defence Program, if only to piss of the French. #18 - Posted by: Poosh on February 14, 2003 07:53 AMThe Noth Kreeans got a nuke that can hit the Western US? Maybe they'll hit Berkeley. #19 - Posted by: JPatterson on February 14, 2003 12:21 PMHey, why is it that all demo's feel the need to nail or get bj's from their interns? #20 - Posted by: josh888tbs2002 on February 13, 2004 08:32 PMPost a comment
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