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February 14, 2003
Many Fear the Unknown, And Thus I Fear Belgium
Iraq's existance still mocks me. Who's to blame? France, Germany, Russia, and Belgium keep wanting to delay our war with pointless and endless inspections, allowing Saddam to continue plotting while his military goes unkilled. The question is, does America have enough courage to stand up to Belgium? I'm not so sure. I assume that most Americans, like me, do not know much about Belgium. All I know is that they are in Europe somewhere and have some association with chocolate and waffles. For all I know, they exist on a floating fortress, and all the Belgipinos are cybernetic giants who speak their harsh sounding Belgianese. I simple don't know and am too lazy to look it up. I have a better idea than risking a fight with these mysterious Belgillians. If we can't get a vote for attacking Iraq, let's declare war on the U.N. Since the building is in New York, it will be really simple to deploy our troops; we can even use public transportation. Plus, we have lots of good reasons to declare war on them. They associate with known terrorist nations, they interfere with our interests, and we hate them. So let's bomb the U.N. building to rubble thus destroying their power. Then we can make an even more exclusive United Nations where only America is allowed to join. Now the U.N. will actually be efficient and capable of making international law. Also, if any other nations try uniting again, we shall deal out harsh punishments for their conspiracy. The world shall be ours, and all other nations will have to grovel before us. Not even Belgium's fearsome leader, Belgazor, will be able to stop us. Muh ha ha ha! Oh yeah, and then we can fight Iraq. 20 Responses To "Many Fear the Unknown, And Thus I Fear Belgium"
"Belgazor?" WTF drugs are you on, and can I have some? :) #1 - Posted by: trevalyan on February 14, 2003 09:50 AMFor a second I thought you said "BelGilligans"; the image that brought was hilarious - inept morons stranded in their little country with good looking women around that they have no idea what to do with. THESE are the people who are standing in our way? Swipe them away with the backs of our hands . . . #2 - Posted by: sharkman on February 14, 2003 10:55 AMYou would think the Belgians would stop at undercutting US sovereignty, but now I hear they're going to indict Ariel Sharon for war crimes? I agree with Frank. We need to destroy the evil Belgianese before they make more outrageous claims, like declaring war on the Moon. #3 - Posted by: Andy on February 14, 2003 11:22 AMThere is a reason that "Belgium" is an unutterable profanity on all the other planets in the galaxy. Only a truly backwards and crass population would choose it at the name for their country. "Aw Belgium, man, Belgium!!" --Zaphod Beeblebrox #4 - Posted by: Tiffany on February 14, 2003 02:17 PMIt's worse than you think, Frank: the official languages of Belgium are Flemish and . . . French. I'm scared, Frank. Very, very scared. #5 - Posted by: Minstrel on February 14, 2003 02:33 PMMy brother was there years ago as a participant in the reenactment of the 180th anniversary of Waterloo. He said it was like France, only polite. Elizabeth #6 - Posted by: Elizabeth on February 14, 2003 02:49 PMElizabeth,that politeness was merely a cover for the sinister cabal that runs the world......makers of fruit flavored beer! Frank,your idea has merit,but I see problems. My ideas have no problems. Anyone who suggests so will be banned. BANNED! #8 - Posted by: Frank J. on February 14, 2003 06:15 PMFrank, As someone who's actually spent a fair amount of time in the heart of Evil Terra Incognita (AKA Belgium), I have to say this was freaking hilarious, even for you. However, my personal belief is that Flanders needs freedom and independence ASAP, whereupon they'll be allies at least as good as their Dutch brethren (i.e., useless, but not particularly annoying). Since Wallonia simply couldn't survive as a country, we can force France to take it. That should teach them. It's not France but polite, it's France with bad weather and even MORE socialist idiocy (unbelievable, I know, but there it is). As for Brussels, which isn't part of either region, I still think it should be a US colony to make beer and chocolate. #9 - Posted by: David Jaroslav on February 14, 2003 06:51 PMOh, and pedophiles. You can't have a good anti-Belgian rant without calling them all pedophiles. #10 - Posted by: David Jaroslav on February 14, 2003 06:52 PMWell, it does take the Belgians seven years to get around to trying an alleged paedophile serial child killer after arresting him. And it took another six years for Police to make the collar. And how scary is a country whose great artistic icon (and tourist draw) is a statue of a pissing toddler? Be afraid. Be very afraid. #11 - Posted by: Craig Ranapia(OtherPundit) on February 15, 2003 05:52 AMAll this doey-eyed drabble about those Belgians and their beer and chocolate... But you are all forgetting to counterbalance it against the most evil and despicable non-food ever forced down the throat of an American: the Brussels Sprout! Any nation which would inflict this heinous weapon of mass destruction upon the youth of the free world should be nuked until it glows. #12 - Posted by: David Gulliver on February 15, 2003 04:13 PMI disagree with David Gulliver. I saw a lot of movies in the '50s and '60s, so I know what happens when you nuke something. Do we really want to unleash Giant Mutant Glowing Brussel Sprouts on Europe? What if GMGBS take out Luxembourg on route to France? #13 - Posted by: Joanne Jacobs on February 16, 2003 04:43 AMAhh, Belgium. Drove across it one day. Had to take a leak. Went to a "public" restroom. There's some fat bastard sitting in the doorway with a tin out. My travelling companion (OK, I was ordered to drag the freak along) tells me that in Belgium, you pretty much have to "tip" everybody. So I paid some fat bastard for the priveledge of him watching me take a leak. Belgium, more fucked up than you can possibly imagine. #14 - Posted by: thejones on February 16, 2003 06:22 AMThe country that gave us Smurfs, sprouts and Tintin deserves anything it gets. If it really exists, as there are credible reports that "Belgium" is actually a leftist fable. #15 - Posted by: LB on February 16, 2003 05:27 PMI've been there, and it does exist, but that doesn't mean it isn't a leftist fable, too. #16 - Posted by: David Jaroslav on February 16, 2003 11:05 PMany country that legalizes weed is ok in my book #17 - Posted by: anonymous belgian on January 11, 2004 10:05 PMHello, John #18 - Posted by: John on May 18, 2004 09:50 AMno blackjack (sorry Frank, after seeing the SPAM above I couldn't resist... resistance is futile! It says so on my blog!) #19 - Posted by: Gullyborg on October 14, 2004 02:17 AMPost a comment
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