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February 14, 2003
In My World: Clinton Visited by Ghosts of Founding Fathers
Posted by Frank J. at 06:10 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (16)

For the benefit of those wondering what the opinion of a self-indulged, immoral, scumbag is about war with Iraq, Clinton spoke at a Synagogue Thursday. He said the Bush should not take action without guidance from cartoon space monkey Hans Blix. Clinton also said any "pre-emptive strike" against Iraq by the United States should come only with the support of Europe, including inconsequential assclown NATO members France, Belgium and Germany.

To the surprise of everyone in attendance, once Clinton finished speaking the ghosts of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Benjamin Franklin materialized in front of him. "Wow, what an honor!" Clinton exclaimed, "Now you can explain to everyone how great a legacy my presidency made and maybe convince them to make me president again."

A smile formed on Washington's ethereal face. "We've watched you for a long time."

"Pretty impressive, huh?" Clinton beamed, "I knew you guys wouldn't care about a few little scandals here in there when my heart was into making America great. Well, I just want you to know, I humbly accept you bowing before me."

Washington chuckled a bit. "Yeah... that's what we're here for. As we've said, we've watched you for a long time, and we've always wanted to meet you in person like this so we could tell you something."

"Sure, what?"

Washington floated closed, his translucent face seemingly bearing a grave matter. "Now, I want you to listen to this and remember it well."

The ghost of the founding fathers then beat Clinton savagely for three hours straight. Clinton supporters fled the synagogue in terror, but soon other people crowded in when they heard a fight going on. And it was quite spectacular, the poltergeist rage of the founding fathers flinging Clinton against the walls and ceilings, and then ripping objects off the walls to beat him with.

"It was so cool!" exclaimed Sean Cooper, 17, who witnessed the event. "They were totally like railing on the guy. I started feeling sorry for Clinton, but then he started talking again which just got everyone pissed more, especially the ghost dudes. Franklin then held him from behind while Madison whaled on him yelling, 'Feel your pain!' I donít know much about James Madison, but Iím going to have to look him up in a history book; that guy rocks!"

"Clinton may not know what 'is' is," said Jeremy Mitchell, 26, who ran in after hearing the commotion and applause, "but we sure all now know the definition of an ass-kicking."

After the ghosts finally departed, Clinton himself was nowhere to be seen, possibly having been pulled into a ghost world to suffer eternal torments. It was a while later, though, he turned up in a nearby dumpster, disappointing many. Historians are now debating whether to add a new asterisk to Clintonís name on the list of presidents, making it now read "William Jefferson Clinton *impeached **savagely beaten by founding fathers".

Rating: 2.8/5 (28 votes cast)

In My World
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