In My Bizarro World: France Replaces America as a Superpower
"You can't hide anything from us!" declared the intrepid reporter, "Tell us the truth!"
"Stop yelling at me!" cried Rumsfeld, slouching behind the podium.
"Admit you hadn't planned for resistance and your war is a failure!" the reported demanded.
"You can't make me," Rumsfeld muttered, now almost completely hiding behind the podium. "Dr. Rice, please save me."
"No," Condoleezza Rice answered as she walked in front of the press, "I've now taken a political position more consistent with my race and gender thus becoming a liberal democratic, a savior of humanity. And I want to announce that this war is evil and a Zionist plot! In fact, ever member of this administration including the president himself is secretly Jewish!"
"Oy vey! Our secret is out!" Rumsfeld exclaimed, "but it doesn't matter how ingenious you reporters all are, you can't stop our war now that it's started."
"But I can!" shouted a voice from the rear as the doors to the room burst open. In strode a hulk of a man, his clothing barely concealing his rippling muscles.
"Oh, it's Michael Moore!" swooned a female reporter, "The protector of truth and justice in this world... and I can't help but remark how great his hygiene is!"
"After my reasoned speech at the Academy Awards, support for this war has crumbled," Moore declared in a booming voice. "It has also embolden the Iraqis to fight against the U.S. imperialism, and now your troops flee."
"Don't hurt me Michael Moore!" Rumsfeld pleaded as he tried to run. He was stopped at the door by none other than Jacque Chirac and Saddam Hussein.
"America is over as a superpower!" Chirac declared, "But France and Iraq have joined together to form a new superpower - Friaqi!"
"And you are under arrest for attacking, me, a democratically elected leader in your greedy pursuit of oil," Saddam said as he handcuffed Rumsfeld.
"And all Americans are in trouble for their crudeness!" Chirac yelled, "Except for a few of your wisest, such as the paragon of virtue, Michael Moore. And your democracy will be replaced with a much better system where France tell you what to do and think!"
"And new dress code!" Saddam added, "Everyone must wear a beret and grow a bushy mustache!"
"And now the world will have peace at last," Chirac announced, "For all conflicts will be solved with endless debate. Now, as a first order of business, lets ship all those troublesome Jews in Israel into the sea and give the land to the peaceful Palestinians!"
"Hip hip hooray!" cried the reporters, ushering in this new era of peace and Frenchiness.
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