In My World: Laser Guided Concrete Makes Great Practical Jokes
"Man, do I still got to do all these press conferences," White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer complained, “I thought I had all of you idiots embedded."
"Hey, we have important questions and you should give us respect," complained one reporter.
"Just start asking your questions before I decide to embed my foot up your ass."
"Was the tank attack against the journalists in the Palestine hotel on purpose?"
"Of course not. What idiot would think that?"
"Well, there is the transcript of the communications in the tank:
VOICE1: Hey, there is that hotel full of journalists.
VOICE2: Let us fire at it and kill some.
VOICE1: What an excellent idea.
(sound of tank firing)
VOICE1: I bet that killed some.
VOICE2: Hooray!
"
"Whatever," Fleischer responded, "Evidence never proves anything. The coalition forces do their best to no harm non-combatants. We even have come up with this laser guided concrete to avoid collateral damage. They just drop out of the sky, crushing the target with a huge piece of concrete and harming nothing else. It was adapted from the work of Prof. Wile E. Coyote who developed a laser guided anvil for the purpose of hunting a variety of quick moving desert bird."
"Will we be able to hear from this Prof. Coyote?"
"Unfortunately, no. In extremely tragic and unfunny turn of events, Prof. Coyote was himself crushed by the anvil instead of the intended target. He left behind a wife and three kids.
"Anyhoo, the reason I am having the press conference out in this field is so I could demonstrate this concrete bomb. Just stare at the old building over yonder."
"Because that's where you are dropping the bomb?" inquired one reporter.
"Yeah... uh... because that is where I am dropping the bomb," Fleischer said, trying to hold back a laugh. "Now make sure everyone watches it carefully and does not pay attention to what I am doing." Fleischer now aimed a laser on the group of reporters.
"Hey, he's targeting us!" one yelled. They all ran just in time for a large concrete bomb to drop in the center of them.
"You tried to kill us all!" accused one reported.
"No, as I explained to you, it's an inert bomb. It would have just crushed those directly beneath it... hopefully one being Helen Thomas." He saw her approaching with a question. "But no such luck."
"Are you happy now that you've killed Iraqi children?" Thomas asked.
"We didn't kill Iraqi children, you old bat. Actually, I have a drawing from a five-year-old Iraqi boy I want you to see." He produced a crayon drawing. "See, here he drew you. And here he drew a bus that is running you over. Here he drew himself smiling while this happens. Iraqi children hate you, you old hag, just like I hate you."
"You stole my pills again!" Thomas yelled, "Give me back my pills!"
"NEVER!"
Just then President Bush ran up. "That concrete bomb gave me a great idea!" he exclaimed, "Let's go throw bricks through the windows at the Democrats; headquarters!"
"I'm there, dude!" Fleischer said, running off with Bush.
"But we have more questions!" yelled one reporter. "Wait a second... is he pointing another laser at us? Run!"
Stumble It!
