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April 26, 2003
Filthy Lies Part II
Posted by Frank J. at 09:50 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (34)

It's Saturday, so once again it's time to spread filthy lies about Glenn Reynolds!

By now, everyone knows how he likes to put puppies into blenders. He was so shaken by it, that he hit me with some sort of DoS attack on Monday. But look at his traffic since this scandal came out on April 19th; that looks down from the previous week to me. It's working, but I think with another push soon he'll only get like 3 visitors a week - fellow puppy blenders. So here is the new dirty, filthy lie:

I ran into Glenn Reynolds again the other day, and you can't believe what he told me. First I just asked him, "Hey, Glenn Reynolds, how do you keep up such a great site, updating it all the time and finding all those links?"

"I only find the power through my deep faith," he answered proudly.

"You're a dedicated Christian?"

"No, I'm a Satanist!" he laughed, raising his arms into the air, "Thank you for my traffic, my dark lord!"

"You can't worship Satan!" I exclaimed in shock. "Satan is a bad man!"

"You're right; I can't worship Satan... until I first murder a hobo in his evil name!" Glenn Reynolds then laughed even more evilly.

"But hobos are people, too!"

"As far as I'm concerned, the only reason hobos exist is for a murder'n," he shot back angrily, "Now get out of my way; those hobos aren't going to murder themselves!"

"You inhuman ghoul!" I shouted.

"Muh ha ha ha!" was his only response as he went to blend a puppy to give him the energy he needed to murder a hobo in worship of his dark lord Satan.

And here is really horrible photographic evidence proving what I just made up:

So, here is the new filthy lie to spread: Glenn Reynolds is a puppy blending, Satan worshipping hobo murderer. Make sure the press knows, because I want the first line of any story about blogs to be, "The most popular blog, Instapundit.com, is run by an evil man who blends puppies and murders hobos as part of a satanic ritual. That's why more people are going to IMAO.us which is run by Frank J., a man who loves puppies, denounces Satan, and has never done anything worse to a hobo than give one a minor concussion."

So spread the lie. I can't wait to see his traffic drop like a rock now!

UPDATE: Michele of A Small Victory is sick and twisted too, but I think her readers already knew that.

Rating: 2.5/5 (68 votes cast)

Filthy Lies
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