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April 29, 2003
If I Were President: "Boo Hoo... My Speech is Being Supressed"
Posted by Frank J. at 08:24 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (33)

I know everyone and their mother has commented on this topic, but I just couldn't help putting my own two cents in because it pissed me off so much. I'm not as funny when I'm angry, but take what you get. So here is me as President, giving an address to the American people.

I know there have been a number of complaints about suppression of speech here in America. Those in opposition to the war think the harsh criticism they've received has been stifling their dissent. I have just one thing to say to this:

Shut up you whiny little bitches!

I swear to God almighty, that if I see even one of you come and complain to my face like that, I will shake you like a British nanny until He finally deems appropriate to bestow you an ounce of sense.

"Whaa! People say mean things about me. It's like we don't have any freedom anymore."

I simply lack the skill with prose to express how much you idiots disgust me. There are people in other countries who risk their own lives to speak out against oppression, and you pieces of excrement are whining about how people are criticizing you for that diarrhea of the mouth you think is political speak. Well, I can think of any better expression of freedom of speech than people making life hell for you complete and utter nitwits, either by constantly declaring loudly what jackasses you people are or boycotting whatever you are involved with.

"But that's suppressing the debate," you whine. Hey, just like you wouldn't want some KKK member's opinion on the subject of race relations, we don't need the input of assclown pacifists on the debate of foreign affairs. Your opinions are so idiotic, they erode the debate, not add to it. We are all dumber for having listened to you, and democracy is better for having you shouted down.

If some of you still don't get the point, then, next time I hear one of you retards complain about your "speech being oppressed," I'll send some thugs to murder your family, burn down your house, and then drag you out in the street cut out your tongue. Then tell me (or, I guess, sign to me) whether you can't tell the difference between that actual suppression of speech and what you thought was oppression before.

One last note: if you're a hot chick, and you're idea of fighting back is to pose naked, I'm perfectly fine with that. Everyone else, shut up for the sake of the country's sanity.

Thank you and God bless.

Rating: 2.5/5 (25 votes cast)

If I Were President
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