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May 03, 2003
Filthy Lies III
Posted by Frank J. at 09:39 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (21)

It's Saturday, so once again it's time to spread filthy lies about Glenn Reynolds!

Now everyone know that not only does Glenn Reynolds puts puppies in blenders, but that he also worships Satan and murders hobos, and it looks to me like his traffic has declined once again. At this rate, he'll have negative 20,000 unique visitors by the end of the year, but, to be on the safe side, here's a new filthy lie:

So I was taking a walk through the park when suddenly I saw Glenn Reynolds talking to an Asian man. All I caught was the end of the conversation where the Asian man told Glenn Reynolds, "Thank you, comrade."

"What was that about," I asked Glenn Reynolds.

"I was just talking to someone from the Chinese government."

"Getting inside information to do an expose on Chinese human rights abuses?" I inquired.

"Of course not," he laughed, "I was giving him information. I had gotten my hands on some government secrets that I thought would help the Chinese fight our capitalist nation."

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I looooove Communism!" he said, pumping his fist in the air, "Down with liberty! Down with the free market system!"

"You pinko scum!" I yelled, "I'll stop you!"

He answered me with mocking laughter. "Someone whose website gets as much traffic as mine can do whatever he wants. I'm untouchable! I'm Glenn Reynolds! Now I must celebrate."

He then started doing the robot dance and singing this rap song:

"I'm Glenn Reynolds and it's puppies I drink,
And I like to kill hobos because they stink.
Gotta give props to Satan 'cause he's an evil guy;
It was through his help I became a Communist spy."

Though I've heard better rapping, his robot dance was quite good. Finishing his grotesque celebration, he hopped on his moped and sped off laughing evilly all the way.

And here is yet more unconvincing photographic evidence of my blatant lie:

I also wanted to have an animated .gif of him doing the robot dance, but my photoshopping skills just aren't that good.

Anyway, here is the new filthy lie to spread: Glenn Reynolds is a puppy blending, Satan Worshipping, hobo murdering, Communist spy who does a better than average robot dance. Now go out and spread the word, especially making sure the FBI knows. They'll put out a report saying, "Make sure not to visit Glenn Reynolds's site; he's probably collecting information on you to give to the Chinese Communists. Instead, visit IMAO.us, which, if anything, makes Communists know even less than they did before after they've read it."

Muh ha ha ha! Soon all the traffic in the blogosphere will be mine!

UPDATE: Fritz of On the Fritz made this animated .gif proving Glenn Reynolds dances the robot - or some similar dance - thus proving all the lies I've said.

Rating: 3.0/5 (12 votes cast)

Filthy Lies
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