Ryan B. asks:
Frank just out of curiosity, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

We all know that woodchucks do not chuck wood, and usually I would stay away from hypotheticals, but, if you accept the assumption that a woodchuck would chuck all the wood it could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, the question is answerable. Thus, the main factor to take into consideration is a woodchuck's endurance. To measure this, you put a woodchuck on a treadmill running at 10mph with a cattle prod threatening it if it slows down. Now, take the number of seconds the woodchuck lasted and multiply that by the woodchuck factor. This is an irrational number, being approximately .038215 kilograms a second. When you multiply the two, you'll get how many kilograms of wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood (which, I remind you, it can't). Sorry for the answer being in metrics, but it's the custom in the scientific community to use metrics when answering hypotheticals about woodchucks.

Bane asks:
How come people use f**k when they mean to say f**k? Isn’t everybody wise to this by now?

I'm sorry; I have no clue what you’re talking about. You have to fill those stars in with actually letters. This isn't a grep program.

David G. asks:
If you are in a car traveling at the speed of light, and you turn your blinkers on, do they do anything?

You know that as soon as you finally get your Hyundai up to the speed of light, there's going to be some jerk riding your ass who wants to do the speed of light plus five miles per hour. Now, this creates a dangerous situation for both of you, because, if you see a squirrel and have to slam on your brakes, you're both screwed. So, you finally decide to signal your move to the right lane to let the guy pass, but the question is will your blinkers work at the speed of light? By the theory of relativity, this depends entirely on your speed as relative to the asshole behind you. Even though he's in no real rush, he thinks you're going like 30mph, and, at 30mph, your blinkers will work. So, the answer to your question is yes.

David G. also asks:
What is the difference between a duck?

To most, this sounds like a nonsensical question, but it is actually a protolanphismal question. Now, I'm sure you're not familiar with the concept of protolanphism, as it is very complicated, so complicated that most dictionaries omit the word because trying to explain it would actually double the size of the dictionary. But, of course, I do know the concept and can tell you with quite certainty that the answer is Eddie Murphy.

NOTE: If you understood protolanphism, you'd know that the joke behind this answer is much more blasphemous than that answer in my previous Frank Answers™.

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Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers". If I didn't use your question today, I still may use it later (I need to pace myself). Also, I have a subscription to Scientific America, and sometimes I actually read it, so I really like science questions.

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Frank Answers
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