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May 16, 2003
What I See in My Darkest Nightmares
(Thanks to Bill Whittle for sending me the image) UPDATE: Let's make this a caption contest. 104 Responses To "What I See in My Darkest Nightmares"
How is it bill hs time to find assinine pictures of monkeys for you, yet he cant seem to post a new essay. Does this mean we can blame you, Frank J, for delaying the next Whittle release? #1 - Posted by: mike on May 16, 2003 12:34 PMYou see... the future, Muad-Dib. #2 - Posted by: Evil Otto on May 16, 2003 12:53 PM"Dodge this." #3 - Posted by: Just John on May 16, 2003 01:06 PM"Don't move... Slimeball." "Get your hands off me, you damn dirty human!" "I am the Anti-Frank." "You're a disease. I'm the cure." And the best of all... "DAMN IT, I'M A CHIMPANZEE NOT A MONKEY!!! GET IT STRAIGHT!!!" "Step away from the puppies, PUNK!" #5 - Posted by: Lady Gunner on May 16, 2003 01:26 PM"The PETA people are on to you, Frank." "Poking sticks into termite mounds ain't got nuthin' on jackin' Seven-Elevens for food." "Classic grip or gangsta grip? Decisions, decisions..." #8 - Posted by: Spektr on May 16, 2003 01:34 PMThe Colt 1911 - for anyone with an opposable thumb. or The weapon is "fair and balanced". The monkey.... not so much. #9 - Posted by: Mike the Marine on May 16, 2003 01:35 PMOne minute, they screech for handouts. The next, the Statue of Liberty is up to her armpits in sand. Monkeys. Democrats. ENEMIES. OR "God gave us both oppposable thumbs, but Sam Colt made us equal." #10 - Posted by: trevalyan on May 16, 2003 02:00 PMSee, when i hold it this way, im a gangsta monkey #11 - Posted by: mike on May 16, 2003 02:00 PM"No, goddammit, I _don't_ want a banana." "Finally, that Goodall chick is goin' DOWN!" "You ain't gettin' me on that tryke ever again!" "Guns don't kill people, gun weildin' gay monkeys kill people, lots of 'em!!" #13 - Posted by: martin on May 16, 2003 02:16 PM"You've spanked your last monkey, mister!" #14 - Posted by: Lennie on May 16, 2003 02:52 PMThis is much more fun than working! "Michael, you so much as look at me again..." We've said one too many jokes, and the french are mad as hell! "...every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward. " "You homo sapiens and your guns." "Hey, this is much better than flingin' monkey poo!"
"Hi. My name's Hillary Clinton." #16 - Posted by: Bizzob on May 16, 2003 02:56 PMAnthropology 407: "Simian gender issues and semi-automatics: A critical study of chimpanzee societies and the role of firearms through the feminism/empowerment interpretative protocols." #18 - Posted by: Spektr on May 16, 2003 03:24 PMWhoops, should be interpretive. Monkeys at typewriters and all that... #19 - Posted by: Spektr on May 16, 2003 03:27 PM"Step off or get dealt with, Rummie..." #20 - Posted by: elmobowhunter on May 16, 2003 03:29 PMThe caption is "I'm comming for you Frank!" #21 - Posted by: Chris on May 16, 2003 03:51 PMNext week on Fox: When the French attack! #22 - Posted by: Mike F on May 16, 2003 03:56 PMI know what you're thinking. Did he fire fifteen shots or only fourteen? A chimp's got to know his limitations. Go, Speed, Go... but Chim-Chim's still going to blow your head off. #23 - Posted by: Laurence Simon on May 16, 2003 04:26 PM"Punxsutawney Phil, come out with your hands up! Your days of fucking with the seasons are over!" "So, Marlin Perkins, we meet a last! You don't remember me, do you? Well I starred in your stupid Wild Kingdom and haven't seen a single royalty check, you arrogant bastard! So hand over the money and that fucking banana or Jim here is going to take a bullet in the ass." #25 - Posted by: George Turner on May 16, 2003 04:31 PM"Putting a fucking fleece shirt on top of my fur was bad enough, but fucking PINK!?? You DIE now!" #26 - Posted by: Emperor Misha I on May 16, 2003 04:35 PM"It wasn't a bananna in my pocket, and I'm not happy to see you." #27 - Posted by: Frank J. on May 16, 2003 04:40 PMFunnier are those that use the word "frickin'." Why? I don't know. "One more frickin' monkey joke, com'on, just one more . . ." "Gun restrictions? I'll show you my frickin' gun restricktions." "Hey, at least this International Monkey Assassin Organization is better than my last gig. That one had me dancing in the park and wearing a frickin' tassle hat." #29 - Posted by: tim on May 16, 2003 04:58 PMLimo Liberal Dianne Feinstein demonstrates the benefits of having a concealed weapons permit. #30 - Posted by: Tony on May 16, 2003 04:59 PM"Go ahead, make my day. *shriek! shriek! shriek!" "You got somethin' against pink shirts? I didn't think so." #31 - Posted by: Ryan on May 16, 2003 05:03 PM"Oh him? He's just my body guard..." --Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) #32 - Posted by: Brian on May 16, 2003 05:25 PM"I'll tell you what Mister NRA President Kayne Robinson, if that *is* your real name .. . I knew Chuck Heston. I worked with Chuck Heston. And you're NO CHUCK HESTON!" #33 - Posted by: Graham Lester on May 16, 2003 05:31 PMHow about we lock you in a room with a PeeCee for six months and see if you write the complete works of Shakespere, jackass. #35 - Posted by: Tim on May 16, 2003 05:40 PMElmo's got a gun. #36 - Posted by: aelfheld on May 16, 2003 06:17 PMWhat's YOUR position on the 2nd Amendment? Natural selection . . . a game I LOVE to play. Screw American Sign Language . . . I prefer to let my Glock do the talkin'. No habla American Sign Language . . . habla Smith and Wesson. #37 - Posted by: The Evil Doctor on May 16, 2003 06:32 PM"A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the monkey to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed." #38 - Posted by: Luke Spamwalker on May 16, 2003 06:52 PM"Drop the typewriter." "We shall now negotiate your army's surrender, Jacques." "My excellent plastic surgeons have made me undetectable, yet attractive. Hail the Baath party!" - S. Hussein #39 - Posted by: Tynan S. on May 16, 2003 06:57 PM"This is the last time I'm going to ask, WHO ATE MY BANANAS?" or "If you don't reveal the location of this 'Banana Republic', the chick in the red dress gets it!" or "I knew it! The monkeys have come to take back what is theirs." or "I knew this day would come. You stupid humans elected Hillary and now I am the only one that can stop her." #40 - Posted by: Dan on May 16, 2003 07:15 PMThere are no guns within 100 miles of the zoo. Never! This is an illusion!! #41 - Posted by: Chrees on May 16, 2003 07:16 PM"I'm about to Curious George your ass..." #42 - Posted by: Chrees on May 16, 2003 07:17 PM"Bobo no want wear diaper!" "Bobo hate stinky patchouli, shoot hippie in face!" "Bobo say 'gun control is hitting poacher you aim at'" "You looking at Bobo?" #43 - Posted by: on May 16, 2003 07:21 PM"OK, my tribal council is done and the vote is in, so I suggest that you get your camera crews and the rest of your butt-ugly hairless ape friends the HELL off my island, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" #45 - Posted by: Emperor Misha I on May 16, 2003 08:03 PM[cue "Alzo Sprach Zarathustra" from 2001: A Space Oddessy] #46 - Posted by: apotheosis on May 16, 2003 08:03 PMHE'S a superheroic weblogger obsessed with bringing down the evil Glenn Reynolds. SHE'S a gun-totin' monkey obsessed with dating Viggo Mortensen. They can't stand each other, but together THEY FIGHT CRIME! Cheers, "Don't you ever call me Rummie again" #48 - Posted by: Phil on May 16, 2003 08:16 PM"I said no umbrella in my drink you hairless fuckerrrrraaAAAAAAA!!!" KABLAMMA! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! #49 - Posted by: BAM on May 16, 2003 08:29 PMBLAM! BLAM! ............(reloading)...........KABLAMMA! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!..................KABLAM! #50 - Posted by: BAM on May 16, 2003 08:32 PMIt's MY Arrogant Opinion! What are YOU gonna do about it? Glock: So simple, even a monkey can use it. #52 - Posted by: rosignol on May 16, 2003 09:59 PMRosignol, "All I ever wanted was to run around on roller-skates and smoke cigars, but, Bobo, when you started an international drug smuggling operation, you took things too far. Now I have to end it." #54 - Posted by: Frank J. on May 16, 2003 11:03 PMStep away from the banana... slowwwwwly... #55 - Posted by: Chrees on May 16, 2003 11:12 PMHey! Look at me - I'm a monkey with a gun! No one's afraid of me except Frank! #57 - Posted by: Bill on May 17, 2003 12:20 AMBadges?.......We dont need no stinkin badges.. #58 - Posted by: BlackDevilJg52 on May 17, 2003 12:41 AMBear: "OK B.J., I reccomend a name change. Now." #59 - Posted by: Chrees on May 17, 2003 12:41 AMGilligaaaaaaaaaan!!! #60 - Posted by: chuckpro on May 17, 2003 01:31 AMFREEZE KRAZY KRACKER KILLER #61 - Posted by: Joey D on May 17, 2003 01:36 AM"If I can't have Frank J, than no one will" "In this world gone mad, you don't spank the monkey; the monkey spanks you." #62 - Posted by: Shalegrey on May 17, 2003 02:45 AM"When Cheetah say 'take off panties slowly, Jane', Cheetah mean sloooooooooowly..." #63 - Posted by: Mustafa on May 17, 2003 03:06 AMFrank J. at the range. C'mon, you all know he is a monkey, right? #64 - Posted by: Veeshir on May 17, 2003 08:58 AMYou gotta ask yourself, "Do I feel lucky?" Just a point of order: You know that monkey is going to rip his thumb off when he fires that Glock. Always have to learn the hard way... #66 - Posted by: Frank J. on May 17, 2003 10:40 AMFrank, if that is what our children would look like, I rescind my offer..... #67 - Posted by: Susie on May 17, 2003 10:46 AM"Guns don't kill people, damn dirty apes with guns kill people!" - Chuck Heston #69 - Posted by: Anna on May 17, 2003 12:50 PM"So ask yourself, do you feel monkey, punk?" #70 - Posted by: M. Upton on May 17, 2003 01:44 PM"Yes, this IS the only hope we monkey's have of getting any respect from FrankJ. Sorry, Glenn..." #71 - Posted by: Tuning Spork on May 17, 2003 05:03 PM(Cop1) HALT! This the LAPD, put the gun down, get your punk, black ass over here!...Your village called...they want their monkey back. #73 - Posted by: Menkin on May 17, 2003 08:35 PMWow, watching Planet Of The Apes must really Evolution in action. #75 - Posted by: aelfheld on May 17, 2003 09:03 PM"So you touched a black monolith and learned to use a bone as weapon. Look who ain't impressed." #76 - Posted by: Frank J. on May 17, 2003 09:13 PMWell, it was bound to happen. You just could see it cumming ;-) #77 - Posted by: Ç®Önic on May 17, 2003 09:20 PMCharlene the Chimp studies for her Weapons Final at Canadian Frank J's Communist Monkey School of Sharpshooting and Fashion. Frank . . Frank . . Frank . . for shame!! #78 - Posted by: Marie on May 18, 2003 12:02 AMYou there, show me them boobies #80 - Posted by: Joey D on May 18, 2003 02:44 AMor: Weapons of Mass Destruction have been uncovered. #83 - Posted by: serenity on May 18, 2003 03:46 AM"curious george finally settles up with the Man in the Yellow Hat..!" #84 - Posted by: rt on May 18, 2003 06:25 AMAnd I will strike down upon those with great vengeance and with furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee! Mrs. Lincoln, based on your description, here is a composite drawing. To the best of your recollection, is this the man you saw that night at Ford’s Theater? #86 - Posted by: Anna on May 18, 2003 08:43 AM"And this, Mr.Anderson, is what happens when there is a glitch in the Matrix" I think it's your turn to grind the organ, be-yotch!!! #88 - Posted by: Greyhawk on May 18, 2003 06:50 PMMojo Jojo hatches his final plan to defeat the Powerpuff Girls. "No Mr Bond, I expect you to die." "I ain't doin' 'Every Which Way But Loose II', I don't care how much Eastwood whines." #89 - Posted by: Syd Barrett on May 18, 2003 07:37 PMDamn it, I arrested that ass monkey last week. What's he doing out on bail? #90 - Posted by: cait on May 18, 2003 09:56 PMGo ahead, Make my day! #91 - Posted by: Roy on May 18, 2003 09:56 PMAI! I told you I wanted it shaken! NOT STIRRED! or (As Cartman) AY! I'LL BLOW YOUR FRIGGIN' HEAD OFF! #92 - Posted by: Menkin on May 18, 2003 11:19 PMActually, my earlier comment was not a caption. It was a gripe. The little felon puked in the back of my cruiser. I got him on a DWI. He blew a .72. On the field sobriety test, he couldn't even crawl a straight line. Getting the cuffs on him was a bitch, because he wrapped himself around my leg. I had to call for backup. Then Bonzo tried to hump the K-9. We charged his fuzzy ass with DWI, lewd conduct, impersonating a senator, and an expired driver's license. He had a CHL, so we couldn't get him for piece. I can't believe the little crapper bonded out. #93 - Posted by: cait on May 18, 2003 11:43 PMOK, you're out of bananas. STOP SINGING THAT DAMN SONG!! #94 - Posted by: Don on May 19, 2003 10:30 AMWith its 4" barrel, dove-tailed front-sight, 15-shot magazine, original checkered grips with motif and matte blue finish, he was proud to own the finest of all the Rhesus Pieces #95 - Posted by: Anna on May 19, 2003 02:35 PM'Scuse me? You talking to me? You mus' be talkin' to me. I don' see nobody else here. #96 - Posted by: daveman on May 19, 2003 03:11 PMI'll get that damn weasel this time! "Wait 'til they get a load of me!" (/Joker voice) #97 - Posted by: Syd Barrett on May 19, 2003 03:53 PM"Yeah, give ME the steak and give Mister Oh-I'm-King-Of-The-Jungle The Lion over there the bananas, and see how HE likes living on yellow fruit!" #98 - Posted by: on May 20, 2003 03:49 PMGive it up George Dubya, there's a new (powder)monkey in town. #99 - Posted by: corporate cowboy on May 21, 2003 08:36 AMVeni, Vidi, Monki (sorry, Frank, it fit here....) #100 - Posted by: MonkeyPants on June 21, 2003 12:43 PMcunt #101 - Posted by: on January 2, 2004 02:00 AMThere comes a time when you gota ask your self that question, Do I feel lucky? Well do ya punk! #102 - Posted by: Steve on February 16, 2004 05:05 AMmoo i can dance like cheeze ball #104 - Posted by: flyen ryan on October 24, 2004 12:54 AMPost a comment
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