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May 20, 2003
If I Were President: Open Address to Whiny Countries of Interest
I know they're are many people out there out there who do not think much of America, many who think we are in fact a terrible, evil nation. I just want to make one thing clear to those people: we don't give a rat's ass. Why should we listen to you? Your countries are all small and pathetic, and that's not our fault, that's yours. It not like we set out to be so much more rich and powerful than other countries, it's just we actually went the freedom and the capitalism route, the one that just "too scary" for others to try. And now we're the big dog - partially because of our own success and partially because all other nations are a bunch of dorks. And we never said, "Hey let's be a superpower!" It was never our decision that all other countries be whiny and pathetic, but that's the cards we were dealt. Just feel luckily we took the mantle, fighting back evil and trying our best to keep the world in some order. Think if we disappeared and everything was left up to Europe, for God's sake. It would just be a matter of months until the world was nothing but a bunch of smoldering craters. Still, it's much easier for everyone to hate us rather than dwell on their own incompetence, but don't think we're going to go out of our way to be liked. We'll give foreign aid as always, because, well, we're just too nice of guys to just watch everyone starve. And you people can spout off all your hatred of America while you eat the food we donated to you, and we'll still be back to feed you again. There is just one thing you have to keep in mind, though: if you ever act on that hatred and try to harm us, your worst visions of hell will pale in comparison to vengeance we will wreak upon you. Thank you, and God bless. 20 Responses To "If I Were President: Open Address to Whiny Countries of Interest"
A-Freaking-men. #1 - Posted by: Veeshir on May 20, 2003 09:11 AMthat was so well put, it brings a tear to my eye #3 - Posted by: Joey D on May 20, 2003 10:24 AMFrank, just remember that its a big jump from the Ministry of War to the Oval Office. I think Misha will be willing to part with your services to the Empire, though. When's the first year you can legally run? Hafta be 40 right? So that's..... 2.... carry the 7...... divide by pi.... well, I never liked math much. As Beavis and Butthead said, "I'm mad at numbers.... there's like too many of 'em 'n stuff." #4 - Posted by: Mike the Marine on May 20, 2003 10:44 AMFrank, that is the best statement of american foreign policy EVER. #5 - Posted by: Susie on May 20, 2003 10:49 AMTestify! #6 - Posted by: aelfheld on May 20, 2003 10:57 AMYou have to be 35 to be president, so, if you want, we can start my campaign now for the 2016 presidential election. #7 - Posted by: Frank J. on May 20, 2003 12:33 PMI'll bet the nail has a headache now. Bravo! #9 - Posted by: Roy on May 20, 2003 01:44 PMMy only request is that you revise this speech to address those American-born anti-American scum (not all of them are whiny, smelly hippies) as well to those foreigners who are currently residing in America who have nothing good to say about this great country (I know one Russian and one Pakistani who both fit the latter bill - the Russian is funny I will tell you about her one day) #10 - Posted by: Anton on May 20, 2003 01:56 PM35... 40... like I said: I'm mad at numbers. 2016, eh? Well, by then it might be sporting. I think it's gonna take that long for the Dems to find SOMEBODY that has a prayer of sitting in the big pale home on Pennsylvania Ave. #11 - Posted by: Mike the Marine on May 20, 2003 02:32 PMWho cares if it's sporting or not? If we don't put Frank J. in the White House in 2016, we'll probably get Chelsea Clinton. #12 - Posted by: aelfheld on May 20, 2003 03:30 PM" ...because all other nations are a bunch of dorks." Dan, Australians are too cool to be dorky. I think Frank was referring to those envious weenies that would rather take swipes at our good fortune than to roll up their sleeves and build up their own countries. #14 - Posted by: Bloodthirsty Warmonger on May 21, 2003 03:33 AMGood explanation of the Empire's foreign policy... But u know, a couple of hundred years from now your descendants, let's call'em for argument's sake Lin Da and Mi Kel will be looking back at this fallen Empire of our days at school in the province of Wa Shing Ton and compare it to the rise of the Nazi regime about half a century earlier earlier and they will see the same signs: A very militaristic regime; And as a very special guest star in BOTH CASES - the Bush family with it's business interests in both of those regimes. So have a ball. Luckily enough i (and my descendants) will be living in the province of the American Empire and there's always a bit more freedom away from the center as it's harder to control the periphery. #15 - Posted by: Boobik on May 29, 2003 07:04 PMThis is great. This needs to be carved in the goddamn backs of all the freakin' UN ambassabors of the countries that are against us. #16 - Posted by: Jim on November 5, 2003 09:17 PM Guitar Tabs | i love your site http://dishtv.freehomepage.com #18 - Posted by: dish tv network on October 30, 2004 06:22 PMi'm looking for http://steelbuildings.angelcities.com #19 - Posted by: steel buildings on November 1, 2004 01:51 PMMaking one brilliant decision and a whole bunch of mediocre ones isn't as Post a comment
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