1. First of all, I think that TREES ROCK. Trees are awesome! Especially the Sycamore tree. That tree is totally the bomb. So I think that although the Falling-On-A-Hippy-And-Killing-Him-Or-Her Idea is not without merit, Frank is still full of crap for so blatantly insulting trees. I mean, if it wasn't for trees we wouldn't have people named "Woody", would we? There would be no Woody Harrelsons, no Woody Woodpeckers, no Woodys in general. That would be a bad thing.

2. Secondly, where the heck is "Estonia"? It sounds like a neighboring country of Elbonia.

3. Third, "Poosh"... You are NOT from China, you dolt! For one thing, that's not a Chinese name. It doesn't even remotely resemble the Chinese language, you moron. And Samurais are from Japan you idiot! A Chinese person would not want to be Samurai because they hate the Japanese. That's why they invented Bruce Lee, so they could show the Japanese that they can kick ass without even using any weapons! And as for a ninja making faces... Come on now, Mr. Mashed-Potato-For-A-Brain! How the heck is a Ninja supposed to make a face? He would have to reveal himself to do so. What is he doing? Batting his eyes at you? "Oooh, I'm so scared! That ninja is batting his eyes at me!" Get a grip. In fact, get a grip on a handgun and just blow the sucker away. Why worry it? There are no laws against killing Ninjas in China that I know of (nor in the U.S.).

I agree with Frank, tree's make nice houses...and axe handles...and rifle stocks, but they make poor neighbors. You never know when one is going to draw lightning upon itself and subsequently burn your home whilst committing suicide. Come to think of it they are a lot like those damned suicide bombers, always ready to take out a few innocent bystanders in their quest for the approval of their tree god.

Hi. Trees ARE evil. It's true. I use as proof the following Darwin Awards ::

(22 February 2000, Pennsylvania) A man clearing timber from his lot in Chestnuthill Township failed to notice that the tree he was working on had other trees leaning against it. When the weight of its neighbors pushed the tree over in the expected direction, the erstwhile lumberjack ran for his life, but slipped in the icy snow and fell directly in the path of the looming trunk, which landed on him with the expected result.

(15 June 2002, England) A tree surgeon decided to save time, and throw the pruned branches directly into a fire he built near the base of the tree. Predictably, the tree caught fire, putting an end to his further time-saving innovations.

these and others can be found at www.darwinawards.com

Anyone seen the Discover card commercial with the ninjas?? It's hilarious.

If trees kill tree hugging hippies, shouldn't you embrace them?

Don't hug them though, that's what makes them mad enough to crush hippies.

Plus, what creature, whether animal, vegetable, or mineral, doesn't want to kill tree hugging hippies?

Hey! That Ninja was sooooo making faces at me! Or maybe he was just cross-eyed. Whatever.
And I could come from China, 'Poosh' could be a nick-name. And I might actually LIKE the Japanese. Did you ask every single person in China if they hate the Japs to validate your assertion? After all Japan is where Nintendo comes from. That being said, I use to think I lived in England until this site begged to differ. Who am I to argue!
Now if you don't mind, I have to get back to taking Franks advice. Wish me luck!

Eye of the tiger, Poosh, eye of the tiger.

Teach that ninja who the Poosh is.

Will you be giving kung fu lessons? And if so, does it involve automatic weapons? And if so, do you provide them, or do we have to bring our own?

You are right that all trees are bastards, but some of them are our bastards. As an example one of the scouts in my troop had an eagle project which was to kill all the invasive exotic trees and bushes that were taking over an area of woodland. These invading plants were not only destroying our native trees, but also did not deign to provide adequate food or shelter for our animals causing starvation and death. Admittedly this is New Jersey so we could probably use less deer, but isn't that what hunting is for? Anyway I'm straying off topic. Plants may look peaceful but they're really engaged in constant, vicious life and death struggle with each other and anything else that threatens them. There are no good guys in this war, but it's happening our own backyards and we can't ignore it. We must back root out the heartless foriegn invaders while maintainng enough of our native trees for our own purposes. Sure you can say, "sure our trees may not kill cute furry animals, but they generate pollution, fall on people, and obscure large areas of the country from satellite base cameras. Why don't we just kill em' all?" Unfortunately trees are a major industrial resource which are used to make such diverse items as houses and the New York Times. For now our dependence on trees precludes any major deforestation plans. Fortunately, you don't have to be a ninja to run circles around a tree so even without any concerted national effort we seem to have encroaching forests well in hand.

Clint: Estonia is located in Scandinavia, which is in Europe, which is in Eurasia, which is on the Earth, which is in the Solar System, which is in the Milky Way Galaxy, which is in our Universe.

Incidentally, it's called Estonia because of all the stones lying around. And Elbonia, our sworn enemy, is the one with all the bones.

Poosh,

YES. As a matter of fact, I DID ask every single person in China whether or not they hate the Japs. ALL of them said that they do. So you see? I know what I am talking about...
Poosh as a nickname... How the heck could you get called "Poosh" as a nickname?

Dr. Dna,

Thanks for the information. I was a little unclear on that. Estonia. I guess it's a tough break if you are Jewish and you live in Estonia and also happen to be an adulterer... By the way, what kind of doctorate degree do you have?

Poosh does bring up a very good point though. Nintendos DO come from Japan. At least, so I have heard. That's what most people believe, but I have yet to see proof that Nintendos actually come from Japan. It may say "Made in Japan" on the label, but don't believe everything you read.

It is my opinion that there is a large series of underground caverns just underneath the surface of the earth. Magical fairies live there along with a bunch of dwarves who like to build junk and sing "Hi-Ho-Hi-Ho" all the time.

Most of the dwarves originally came from Japan, so some of them don't like to build stuff and instead run Ninja training camps. Every once in a while, one of the dwarves decides to become a Samurai and then proceeds to massacre all the Ninjas. The other dwarves don't like it when that happens because the bodies tend to stink up the place and you can't really bury them because the dirt is too hard.

All dwarf sewage is dumped into their "Surface-Interface Recycling System." This converts their droppings into useful nuclear energy. The nuclear waste is then pumped out through what we here on the surface call "Volcanos." (People have the wrong idea about Volcanos. It's not the heat from one that'll kill you. It's the radiation.)

Dwarves originally built Nintendos in Japan about 500 years ago. But after the Dwarven Japanese Civil War, they had to move underground. Now Nintendos are grown in birthing chambers deep under the surface. A new Nintendo is born every 11.6 seconds, which is why you can keep finding them on ebay all the time. It says "Made in Japan", but that was only a Dwarven Marketing decision. They thought that Americans would be more likely to purchase their product if it said that in instead of "Made in the Primordial Bowels of the Earth."

And that is why Mario and Luigi are actually Japanese Dwarves, not Italian Plumbers. And that's why they have to eat mushrooms all the time, because that's pretty much all the Dwarves have got to eat down underground.

All hail Clint, the Harbinger of Truth!

You won't read about that in the western media because of the Vast Dwarven Conspiracy®, but at last we know the truth about Nintendo!

- dr.dna MD, PhD, Assistant Professor of Pathology, FU

Thank you, Doctor. But Frank J. is the REAL Harbringer of Truth. There can be only ONE, and Frank J. is THE ONE. I would not want to invoke His Almighty Wrath.

You are right about the Vast Dwarven Conspiracy (insert cool little R symbol that I don't know how to make here). I believe that Dwarves are involved in our lives far more than we ever suspected. The world doesn't realize what is going on when it comes to Dwarves or Nintendos or Ninjas or almost anything else that's important in life. Only the followers of Frank J. (Blessed be His Name) ever know the real truth about anything. That is why it is so important to tell other people about His website.

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