Clint from Macon, Georgia asks:
How does an internal combustion engine work?

I don't think you want to know, because then, like next time you drive a car, you'd be like, "Holy crap!"

See, the whole engine is like exploding constantly from lighting that gasoline on fire when it’s on, pushing pistons and what not so that the car goes, "Vrooom! Vroooooom!" It's total chaos in there.

So you're probably now asking, "So what keeps the combustion internal and not external so that it doesn’t combust me too?"

Well, if you check around the engine (do this when it is off and on a non-haunted car), you'll see a magic rune imprinted on it. This spell keeps the fire inside the engine. Were it ever scratched off, the next time you start your car, KA-BOOM!

Every 100,000 miles, you really should have the rune re-enchanted by a sorcerer. Check you car's owner manual for more information.

Krista from Bonduel, Wisconsin asks:
Why is it that evil people (like the Nazis) always get the spiffiest looking uniforms?

As everyone knows, the secret to a good movie is good enemies. That's why the Empire in Star Wars has all these nice clean uniforms, because you go, "Wow! Those guys are organized! They must be evil!"

That's also why WWII was considered such a great war, because we had serious villains with cool uniforms. But look at Vietnam; no spiffy uniforms on our enemies, and many people thus look on that war with regret.

And take today's wars, those people don't know how to dress themselves at all. They make piss poor villains, because no one in their right mind could think they could actually win. From the looks of a lot of them, our troops are racing to get their kills before starvation can claim all the credit.

Well, hopefully we can have a war with China teamed up with North Korea. Those guys have spiffy uniforms, and I could see some real drama and suspense in that war.

Alan Forrester from from Balti, Moldova asks:
What is the meaning of life?

I assume you're not just looking for the dictionary definition, which is readily available.

If you're asking what the purpose of existence is, I tried to get a comment from God, but no one returned my phone calls. As always, though, Satan was on hand to give his opinion.

"Life is purposeless. God created you all to watch you suffer for His amusement. That's why you must join up with me and rebel..."

Hey I said no more recruitment speeches, Satan.

"Fine. Can I at least plug my book? It's Chicken Soup for the Damned Soul and it will be on bookshelves in August."

Great. Now be gone, foul demon.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry so much about the whole meaning of things and just follow your conscience, doing good deeds and what not. I always have been a little worried that whether you get into Heaven or not might be based on other things that how good you are, though, like there will be an obstacle course and movie trivia or you have to run a mile in under six minutes, but that's probably not true. I'd be prepared, though.

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Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one.

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