Kelsey J. from Tshane, Botswana asks:
In a fight between you and Aquaman, who would win?

Oh, come on. In any usual fight I would just blow him away with my .45 (does he have any fish powers to stop bullets?), but let's say he somehow catches me unarmed; I'm still going to bounce his head off the pavement.

If he gets me in water somehow, sure he can breathe there and I can't, but that still won't keep me from strangling him. And maybe he'll call some fish on me, which just means I'll kick the ass of some Tuna and Marlin along with his.

Now, if for some reason I fell asleep on an inner tube while unarmed and floated out to sea, then maybe they're be a bit of a fight because he'd have the drop on me. But he'd still end up known as “Aquabitch” in the end.

Maybe the reason Aquaman seems so wussy is that orange outfit of his. Instead, he should try putting on cool t-shirt and then maybe he'll get more respect.

UPDATE: This came in from Stoney and Medb.

I take back all those things I said about you, Aquaman. Please don't kick my ass! (Just wait until I get my own shirt...)

Mark from Omaha, Nebraska writes:
As much as I hate to ask this question, it must be asked. A friend has been converted to the ways of Michael Moore. How do I release his soul from the clutches of that evil man?

Well, if it ever happened to me, I'd hope a close friend would end me quickly with a gunshot to the head. You might try taking him to a priest and see if they'll do an exorcism. Also, you could buy him a Nuke the Moon t-shirt, which has been known to magically convert lefties. Other than that, I'd just slap him silly. It might not cure him, but it will make you feel better.

Paul from Nukus, Uzbekistan asks:
Is the speed of light slower at night?

Good question. This calls for the scientific method. What I did was got a flashlight and a stopwatch (with a nanosecond hand). I marked a spot on the ground to stand, and then timed how long it took the light to reach the tree, both during the day and during the night.

Now, you're probably saying, "You don't have the reaction time to stop the stopwatch as soon as the light hits the tree."

Being Frank, though, I already thought of that, of course. I recorded what my reaction time is, so, once I minus that from the stop watch, I'll have the length of time it took the light to reach the tree.

Anyway, I did it a bunch of trials in each scenario (six times), and it was conclusive that light took on average a couple nanoseconds longer to reach the tree during the day, quite contrary to your hypothesis, Paul.

Here's why, at night, the light has clear sailing and can fly forward without anything getting in its way, but, during the day, there's all this other light it has to dodge around.

It's like, "Hey, could you please let me pass by?"

While the other light is like, "I was here first, bub. Go around me."

So that's why light is slower during the day.

* * * *

Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one.

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