Meryl Yourish from a secluded island in the Pacific asks:
Who do you think would win in a fight between the Hulk and Rumsfeld?

That's a hard one. One is a boiling pot of rage that thinks of nothing more than destruction, and the other is large and green. Personally, I'd put my money on Rumsfeld… as long he took his arthritis medicine before the fight.

Vince from NS, Canada writes:
As an evil conservative, I can understand keeping women pregnant and in the kitchen. But why barefoot!? It seems kinda unsanitary. Hopefully you can
clear this up.

Giving women shoes is a big mistake. As soon as they have shoes, they might feel safe venturing outside the house. And if they're out of the house, who will bring you your beer when you are watching football? And next thing you know, women may use the freedom of shoes to go out and vote, and that's how people like Bill Clinton got elected. Even Dole would have won against him if men had just kept their women barefoot and in the kitchen.

And, of course, once women get one pair of shoes, they'll want more. Me, I have one pair of worn sneakers, and, whether I'm going jogging, going to work, or going to the governor's ball, they're all I need. But women will want all sort of wacky shoes for reasons unconceivable to men. Soon, your whole closet will be filled with them and your wife will be saying, "We need to get rid of some of your power tools to make room for more shoes."

Barefoot and in the kitchen; that's the only way to go.

To women readers of IMAO: I'm just kidding!

Michael Colwell of Ucluelet, BC, Canada asks:
You seem to be an expert on monkeys. I want to know this: Why did The Man With The Yellow Hat continue to rescue Curious George from the perilous situations he created for himself? And why was he always dressed in yellow with those funny boots? Frankly, The Man looks French to me. I read Curious George stories to my young kids and I'm worried that I might be corrupting them. Should I stop?

Yes, stop immediately!

My mother read Curious George stories to me as a child, until my father heard one and correctly identified it as a subversive threat. He then burnt all the books and we were better for it.

Why is George so "curious"? Why is he sticking his nose where it doesn't belong? Because he's a spy, that's why. And he relays his information back to France, the most monkey and terrorist friendly government in Europe, through the man in the yellow hat. Of course, most people don't notice the monkey as a spy, because he and the man in the yellow hat (who we quite conspicuously never hear the name of) disguise his intelligence gathering efforts as "misadventures."

Well, no one's pulling the wool over my eyes. Curiosity not only kills the cat, but the monkey as well if I have anything to do about it.

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Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one.

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Frank Answers
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