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June 20, 2003
The Frank J. Theme Song
While in my first caption contest I got over eighty entries, almost no one tried to caption my last one. I guess the picture was too scary (anyone know what type of monkey that is, BTW?). So I declare myself the winner with my title caption of: "Buy My T-shirt, or I Won't Kill This Monkey" Thus I get the prize of having a song written in my honor. Actually, this is a song I wrote some time ago when I one day decided I needed a theme song. So here it is...
****Verse 1**** Who is better than the average man? Frank J.! Who has never visited Japan? Frank J.! Who's favorite juice flavors have the prefix "Cran"? Frank J.! Who is feared like a god across the nation, The answer to that is just one man... F-R-A-N-K
Who thinks reading about quarks is lots of fun? Frank J.! Who solves every problem with a gun? Frank J.! Who would like nothing better than to destroy the sun? Frank J.! Who always remembers to pay the rent,* And is more fierce than Atilla the Hun? (There's just one) F-R-A-N-K
Who is better than you and better than me? Frank J.! Who floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee? Frank J.! Who claims you're a moron and then, after you speak, replies "Q.E.D."? Frank J.! Who thinks people who vote Democrat are quite odd, And thus, when referring to him, you'll have to capitalize "He"? F-R-A-N-K
To whose greatness can you not compare? Frank J.! Who is smarter than the average bear? Frank J.! Who calls any guy a hippy if he has long hair? Frank J.! Who, unlike Clinton, never lies, There's only one guy who fits this description, we swear. F-R-A-N-K
12 Responses To "The Frank J. Theme Song"
From the sublime, to the ridiculous Frank J. #1 - Posted by: Scipio on June 20, 2003 05:35 PMIs there any music to it? Right now it's just words. I don't know how I'd sing it. #2 - Posted by: LACAstronomer on June 20, 2003 06:45 PMI've often thought you needed a theme song. Or maybe just a few chords that are played everytime you enter a room. hmmmm. Usually I just hum "Eye of the Tiger" whenever I visit this site. Your song is better, though. #3 - Posted by: sunberry on June 20, 2003 07:07 PMYou don't need a theme song. The most powerful men in the world don't have theme songs, they have that thing that you can't quite put your finger on... that elusive thing. If you just had that... what am I talking about?! We both know they have very tangible things that yield them power = armies (and loyal minions). YOU DON'T NEED A THEME SONG TO MAKE YOU SEEM IMPORTANT, YOU NEED AN ARMY. PS having an army would be very cool. #4 - Posted by: Crackpot conservative on June 20, 2003 07:44 PMHmmm, the ugly kind? Let me save someone the trouble: "But they're all ugly!" :P No clue. I even looked at some monkey pages and couldn't find it. I'm guessing it's obscure? #5 - Posted by: Vince on June 20, 2003 10:55 PMHey, I like the idea of you having an army Frank. Tell me when you start recruiting, and I'll bring my gun. #6 - Posted by: Jose on June 20, 2003 11:49 PMIf anyone cares, The "Frank J. theme song" works best when sung to the theme from "Shaft". #7 - Posted by: Frank M. on June 21, 2003 10:55 AMGreat observation, Frank. I'll get back to everyone when I start my army. #8 - Posted by: Frank J. on June 21, 2003 11:26 AMI was humming the tune from the Simpson's Stonecutter episode. Who keeps the Martians under wraps... #9 - Posted by: Jake on June 21, 2003 03:55 PMDo you really want to know what kind of monkey that is? It's a Golden or snub-nosed monkey (Pygathrix roxellana). Native of western China. If the Chinese haven't trapped all of them I'm sure they'd welcome you to bag a few. I hear Kung-pao monkey is pretty good. #11 - Posted by: Mike Peck on June 21, 2003 09:47 PM"Cuniculus?" I challenge. Post a comment
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