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June 24, 2003
Presidential War Lies
Some people are now accusing Bush of lying about WMD's. I think he was telling the truth and they just haven't found them yet (hint: try checking in the camel humps), but, even if it is a lie, it will probably be soon forgotten. Presidents have told lies about pretty much every single war, and no one remembers them now: PRESIDENTIAL WAR LIES * WWI: President Woodrow Wilson said there is nothing more fun than trench warfare. * Vietnam War: Lyndon Johnson told American troops that they would win the Vietnam War, no matter how smelly, filthy, hairy, and moronic the war protestors were. * Mexican American War: President Polk told the American people the Mexicans eat babies, but the only evidence he produced was a large tortilla waiting for an unknown filling. That wacky Polk; who knows what mischief he would have gotten us into if he ran for a second term. * War of 1812: President Madison said calling it the "War of 1812" was only temporary and they'd eventually come up with a really cool name for it. * First Gulf War: President Herbert Walker Bush said that their victory would be so complete that the war would never be known as the First Gulf War. * Revolutionary War: George Washington helped rally colonists to fight against the British by saying that the British has nuclear weapons they were planning to use on the colonies. After the war, though, he was unable to show any evidence of nuclear weapons or even explain what one was. * Korean War: President Truman said the Korean War would be forever remembered with reverence and would never be the subject for a sitcom. * Civil War: President Lincoln said the South had an army of mutant, man-eating cotton plants they planned to unleash on the North, though only one was ever found. * African Diamond War: Completely made up war so that Teddy Roosevelt could go on safari. * WWII: FDR told Americans that once they liberated France, the French would be eternally grateful, when, according to intelligence he had, he knew the French would be grateful for three and a half hours at most. 17 Responses To "Presidential War Lies"
I heard somewhere that Jimmy Carter supported the Empire in the Star Wars because the Rebels had lightsabres of mass destruction. #1 - Posted by: LibertyBob on June 24, 2003 08:42 AMYou forgot the Spanish-American War, wherein President McKinley promised to liberate Cuba once and for all. #2 - Posted by: Brian J. on June 24, 2003 08:57 AMDon't know much about history. How many wars have we been it? #3 - Posted by: Frank J. on June 24, 2003 09:04 AMYou are ignorant about history! Any reputable institution of higher lurnin will tell you we were in a quagmire or were directly responsible for all of them! The CIA/TechnoMilitaryIndustrial Complex, Inc., was especially subtle in touching off the Peleponnesian War and the Punic Wars (against a great African civilization, donchaknow). #4 - Posted by: Brian J. on June 24, 2003 09:16 AMThere were the bedroom wars with Bill and Hillary where Bill said, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." "How many wars have we been it?" You know what, this coat Im wearing today must have been made in france. * Revolutionary War: George Washington helped rally colonists to fight against the British by saying that the British has nuclear weapons they were planning to use on the colonies. After the war, though, he was unable to show any evidence of nuclear weapons or even explain what one was. What else was he to do when he got word that the British had a psychic as one of their top war advisors? Fortunately, for Washington, the psychic employed by the British was trying to use technology that hadn't been invented yet, which lead to many blunders on the side of the British. You can learn all about it here ---> http://www.campchaos.com/othershows/twistedmojo/history02.html #7 - Posted by: thenothing on June 24, 2003 09:32 AMFrank, watch out, that site above is a trap! I clicked on it, and was greeted with a message saying "Monkey loading." Not having a cool Nuke The Moon t-shirt to protect me, I got out of there fast. #8 - Posted by: Tom the Friendly Ghost on June 24, 2003 10:38 AMThe Spanish-American War: Grover Cleveland told everyone that San Juan was in California, and that Teddy Roosevelt would be bringing home hippy heads suitable for mounting. Bill Clinton, during the "War on the Camels" ...."I will not cum on your dress!" #10 - Posted by: Hodadenon on June 24, 2003 03:30 PMPanana; George H.W. Bush assured us that intelligence reports proved that Manuel Noriega was a "huge drug dealing kingpin". The truth, as it turns out, is that he always made a "huge deal of pingpong." (The report was written with a fountain pen and the ink smeared. or so we're told...) #11 - Posted by: Tuning Spork on June 24, 2003 06:39 PMPanana? Is that related to Sha-na-na? #12 - Posted by: JPatterson on June 25, 2003 02:56 PMRevolutionary War: George Washington helped rally colonists to fight against the British by saying that the British has nuclear weapons they were planning to use on the colonies. After the war, though, he was unable to show any evidence of nuclear weapons or even explain what one was. sounds familiar.. just like george w bush. #13 - Posted by: t on July 1, 2003 01:03 PM3892 How can this all be right? Check out my site http://www.pai-gow-keno.com #15 - Posted by: pai gow on October 5, 2004 02:24 PMPost a comment
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