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June 26, 2003
Frank Answers: American vs. Japanese Ninja, Soy Sauce, and The Shirt of Youth
Posted by Frank J. at 01:32 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (9)

Bill McCabe from Ridgewood, NJ writes:
Which are deadlier: American Ninjas or Japanese Ninjas? You see, the film "American Ninja" has the American beating the Japanese Ninja, while "Revenge of the Ninja" has the Japanese guy winning. I'm rather confused as to who is superior.

That's a rather easy question to answer: Americans are superior at everything. While American ninja might not be as skilled as classically trained Chinese or Japanese ninjas, we still win anyways because America always wins. That's because God likes us and dislikes other countries. We know that since we are the only country to get tornados; that's God's sign to us that we are all really cool... though some people interpret it differently.


Aaron from Canada writes:
Does Soy Sauce really kill bacteria? KIKKOMAN told me it did, but I'm not sure, eh.

Obviously a flash animation that well produced has to be right, so, yes, soy sauce does kill bacteria.

Is there anything soy can't do? No, there is nothing it can't do, which makes it a threat to us. Yes, it makes lots of healthy foods now, but soy could have more sinister plans in the future. Instead of a world taken over by apes, we could end up ruled by soy where they use meat from humans to make a non-vegetarian replacement to soy burgers.

I'm not saying destroy all soy; I'm just saying we should keep an eye on it.


Rustmeister from Smartsville, USA writes:
I just bought myself a Nuke the Moon t-shirt for my birthday. My question is: Will this t-shirt slow the aging process?

That's a silly question; of course it will. It will also increase your vocabulary, give you limited x-ray vision, and let you go 48 hours without sleep with no ill effects.

Of course, there was no real reason for me to answer this question, because all knowledge would become known to you as soon as you put on the shirt.

BTW, those who have these wonderful shirts now, remember to get those pictures in for the Peace Gallery.

* * * *

Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one.

Rating: 2.5/5 (6 votes cast)

Frank Answers
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9 Responses To "Frank Answers: American vs. Japanese Ninja, Soy Sauce, and The Shirt of Youth"

You'd think that the outcome of WWII would be enough to settle the American Ninja/Japanese Ninja debate. And today's DARPA-enhanced exoskeleton wearing, see-in-the-dark, network-linked American Ninja using new stealth EM rail-gun technology to throw depleted-uranium "Shuriken" are such a Ninja 'force multiplier' that American Ninja superiority, indeed Ninja dominance, is assured for the next few decades.

Now the real question: Ninja vs. Samurai! How have recent developments in electronically scanned and millimeter-wave radar affected this ancient balance of power? I know I can count on Frank J. for the Samurai perspective, at least.

#1 - Posted by: SparcVark on June 26, 2003 03:00 PM

Actually Australia gets tornados too... even though most Australians don't realise it. Unlike America though, we have crap all population, and the tornados are usually out at sea or in the desert.

#2 - Posted by: Ken on June 26, 2003 07:23 PM

Could that mean that God thinks that Australians are semi-cool?

#3 - Posted by: T.J. on June 26, 2003 07:34 PM

I don't know. God works in mysterious ways.

#4 - Posted by: Frank J. on June 26, 2003 07:59 PM

Thank you for answering my question, oh Great One.

I think it is quite possible that God also favors the Australians, perhaps he considers them semi-Americans, due to our common ancestry.

#5 - Posted by: Bill McCabe on June 26, 2003 09:09 PM

Completely unrelated: Some people have an unhealthy obsession with Soy. Then again, anything that helps us crush our enemies can't be all that bad, can it? Soy is also part of this unholy trinity, which is noteworthy:P

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