 |
|
|
|
About IMAO Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!  Buy funniest book ever!  IMAO Podcasts IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter
 Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!
About IMAO
If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK. About Frank J. Bloggers: Frank J. Harvey RightWingDuck Cadet Happy spacemonkey Laurence Simon SarahK Popular Categories
Fred Thompson FactsJohn Edwards Fabulous Facts lolterizt IMAO Condensed Know Thy Enemy Editorials Frank the Artist In My World Other Content
Ode to ViolenceBrief Histories IMAO Audio Bits  Read the Essay Own the Shirt Peace Gallery Search IMAO
Testimonials
"All quotes attributed to me on IMAO are made up... including this one."
-Glenn Reynolds "Unfunny treasonous ronin!" -Lou Tulio* "You, sir, are a natural born killer." -E. Harrington "You'll never get my job! Never!!!" -Jonah Goldberg "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And He did despair, for in His omniscience, He did know that His creations had but three-fifths of the splendor of that which would be IMAO." -No One of Consequence "A blogger with a sense of humor." -Some Woman on MSNBC Blogroll
Ace of Spades HQThe Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler Blackfive Captain's Quarters Classical Values Conservative Grapevine The Corner The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!) Dave in Texas Eject! Eject! Eject! Electric Venom Hot Air Puppy Blender La Shawn Barber's Corner Michelle Malkin Pereiraville Protein Wisdom Rachel Lucas Right Wing News Scrappleface Serenity's Journal Townhall Blog IMAO Blogroll Bad Example Cadet Happy The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles mountaineer musings Right Wing Duck  This Blog Is Full of Crap Fred Thompson Links Fred File Blogs for Fred Fred Thompson Facts Awards
|
June 27, 2003
Frank Answers: Commie Condiments, Ninja Sprays, and Boxing Day
Scott from Heartland, U.S.A. writes: But I like mayo on my fries... Anyway, there is nothing Commie about any condiment. Americans love choice and being able to put whatever the hell they want on their foods. What's Commie is charging for packets of ketchup or mustard like I hear they do in Europe. We're rich capitalist, we get too be wasteful with our many packets of condiments, most of which go unused. Nothing says freedom like a drawer at work full of unused ketchup and hot sauce packets.
Okay, I've used ninja sprays before, and I know they work perfectly fine if you follow the directions. That means to shake the spray vigorously for one minute and then put a light coating on the plants. If you do it properly, that plants would have just enough power to repel the ninjas, but not enough to take over your house and plan world conquest. Obviously, you did something wrong, so you get a chiding. Chide. Chide. Chide. Now that I've finished chiding you, here is what to do next. You need to get the archnemesis of the plants: vegetarians. Round up a bunch of vegetarians and set them loose on the plants. The plants will either flee in terror or be viciously torn apart by the vegetarians. Hope that helps.
Obviously, it can't be about boxing like in punching each other, because the Canadians are too much a bunch of peaceniks. So my guess is that on boxing day they all get together a bunch of boxes and make cool forts out of them. What fun, eh? * * * * Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one. 15 Responses To "Frank Answers: Commie Condiments, Ninja Sprays, and Boxing Day"
mayo on fries...bleh...everyone knows that chili and cheese is the ONLY way to eat them. #1 - Posted by: Darth Monkeybone on June 27, 2003 06:42 PMI think the confusion about mustard being a commie condiment comes from the fact that it's yellow like communists and hippies. As a Canadian I can shed some light on "Boxing Day". The holiday originates in England. On the day after Christmas rich people would get all their old junk they didn't want and leftover food and stuff and put it in boxes to give to the poor. So the name originates from the fact that boxes were used. Later the Canadian government figured it would be better if the poor got money so they now tax us at about 55% and give that to the poor. Bastards. #3 - Posted by: The Meatriarchy on June 27, 2003 10:14 PMSo I'm guessing the Canadian government helped turn many (but not all) citizens into ass (or is it arse?) holes. #4 - Posted by: Guy le Douche on June 27, 2003 10:50 PMActually it is both. In the Maritimes they turned them into arse-holes. While in Central and Western Canada they turned them into ass-holes. I wont make a comment on Quebec. #5 - Posted by: The Meatriarchy on June 28, 2003 08:19 AMWhy do Canadians slather mayo on themselves on Boxing Day? Maybe it's brain freeze. #6 - Posted by: Sociopathocracy on June 28, 2003 03:08 PMWhy do Canadians slather mayo on themselves on Boxing Day? Maybe it's brain freeze. #7 - Posted by: Sociopathocracy on June 28, 2003 03:08 PMI engage in fisticuffs on boxing day, but thats just me. #8 - Posted by: Dave The Australian on June 28, 2003 03:49 PMWe Americans should start our own Boxing day and feature a freak (i.e. Tyson) doint something insane and stupid and then sell millions of dollars worth of tickets. This would prove two things: 1) That Americans are the best holiday-makers and 2) that capitalism is still superior. And to make sure that Canadia got the message that we are directly competing with them, we should make sure that our Boxing day is on the same day as theirs. "Obviously, it can't be about boxing like in punching each other, because the Canadians are too much a bunch of peaceniks" - Hey! Give us a little credit up here. Canada would be a lot more sane without that damn little chunk of Europe called Quebec injected into it. And I always thought that the US had boxing day too (it's just teh day after Christmas when things are cheap to buy. We dont' actually do any celebrating, it's hard to have two consecutive parties). #10 - Posted by: Tynan Sylvester on June 29, 2003 01:26 AMWhile mustard may not be commie, putting mayo on fries is definitely a sign of Belgianism. I'd keep a close watch on Frank..... he could be a double agent! #11 - Posted by: kevin on June 29, 2003 03:46 PMKevin: I doubt that he is a double agent...but I'd seriously watch anyone who puts that crap on fries...I usually ignore his whole "All monkeys are bad" spiels, but tolerating mayo on fries reveals some deep seeded traumas that we can't ignore...maybe he was kidnapped by a belgian monkey as a child...and the monkey rubbed mayo all over him...you never know... #12 - Posted by: Darth Monkeybone on June 29, 2003 09:25 PMYou know, Frank, I hate to say this, but I don't think I believe you about the whole boxing day thing. I think that if boxing day was something like building forts out of boxes we would have adopted such a cool holiday a long time ago. Though, I do think we should start observing a Boxing Day like that. It'll give us all something to do with those left over boxes, and countless miles of ribbon and wrapping paper. #13 - Posted by: Jose on June 30, 2003 02:46 AMWe probably had a Boxing Day, but that was before bums became 'homeless' and took all the boxes condo. #14 - Posted by: aelfheld on June 30, 2003 01:16 PMFortune http://www.poster.us.com/category_24410/Art_Artists_F_Fortune.php Post a comment
|
Buy IMAO T-Shirts 
 
 
IMAO T-Shirts
The IMAO T-Shirt Babe (winning picture) YOU BUY NEW SHIRTS NOW!!! Yay! Books!
Capitalism
Archives
By Category
24American Idol Aqua-Adventures Barackalypse Now Best of IMAO 2002 Best of IMAO 2006 Bite-Sized Wisdom Editorials Election 2008 Filthy Lies Frank Answers Frank Discussions Frank on Guns Frank Reads the Bible Frank the Artist Fred Thompson Facts Friday Cat-Blogging Fun Trivia Hellbender Hellbender Take Two Hillary Clinton Terrible Truths Humor I Hate Frank If I Were President ignis fatuous IMAO Condensed IMAO Exclusives IMAO for the Non-Deaf IMAO Reviews IMAO Think Tank In My World In My World - Fan Fiction John Edwards Fabulous Facts Know Thy Enemy lolterizt Michael Moore Mitt Romney Ads News Round-Up Newsish Fakery No, McCain't Our Military Permalink Contest Precision Guided Humor Assignments Ron Paul, Ron Paul, Ron Paul Ronin Profiles Ronin Thought of the Day SarahK's TV stuff Scary Evil Monkey Simpsons Trivia Songs & Poems State of the Frank Report Superego Totally True Tidbits WEsistance Is Facile Why Me Laugh? Yvonne's Ashes By Month
December 2008September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 March 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 March 1933
|
Stumble It!
