IMAO: Frank Answers: Coco the Gorilla, Looting the Dead, the Bright Light Reflex, Aquaman is a Gay Frenchman, and Jupiter's Red Spot

About IMAO

Giving money to Frank J. makes you happy!

Buy funniest book ever!

IMAO Podcasts

IMAO Merchandise and Newsletter

Cool shirts, mugs, stickers, and what-not!

About IMAO

If you want to send something by snail mail, e-mail with subject "P.O. Box" to get mail information for Frank J. and SarahK.

About Frank J.

Bloggers:
Frank J.
Harvey
RightWingDuck
Cadet Happy
spacemonkey
Laurence Simon
SarahK

Popular Categories

Fred Thompson Facts
John Edwards Fabulous Facts
lolterizt
IMAO Condensed
Know Thy Enemy
Editorials
Frank the Artist
In My World

Blogroll

Ace of Spades HQ
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Blackfive
Captain's Quarters
Classical Values
Conservative Grapevine
The Corner
The Daily Gut (with Jim Treacher!)
Dave in Texas
Eject! Eject! Eject!
Electric Venom
Hot Air
Puppy Blender
La Shawn Barber's Corner
Michelle Malkin
Pereiraville
Protein Wisdom
Rachel Lucas
Right Wing News
Scrappleface
Serenity's Journal
Townhall Blog

IMAO Blogroll
Bad Example
Cadet Happy
The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles
mountaineer musings
Right Wing Duck

This Blog Is Full of Crap

Fred Thompson Links
Fred File
Blogs for Fred
Fred Thompson Facts

Awards

July 11, 2003

Frank Answers: Coco the Gorilla, Looting the Dead, the Bright Light Reflex, Aquaman is a Gay Frenchman, and Jupiter's Red Spot

Posted by Frank J. at 12:02 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (25)

Coco “the signing” Gorilla asks:
Do you want a piece of me?

Hey, you don't intimidate me with your massive strength and your simple understanding of human language. You mess with me, and I'll kill your cat.

Ken Nevin from a shack somewhere in Montana asks:
Is taking guns and ammo from de-activated foreigners considered "looting" the dead according to the Geneva convention? What if your gun is broke or they just have a better one? Would it be OK to trade?

Well, I'm no legal expert - actually my only experience in the legal realm was once punching a lawyer - but I'm pretty sure that if you shoot and kill someone, then all their stuff is yours. Fore'ners usually have crappy AK-47's, though, so take them at your own risk.

Carridine from Funkytown, USA asks:
What is the "bright-light" reflex?

That's the reflex Gizmo from the Gremlins has that causes him to scream, "Bright light! Bright light!" when he sees a light. Heh heh; let's dunk him in water.

Brooks from Medical Lake, Washington writes:
I have been sharing your wonderful writings with some of my co-workers, which was just fine, but then one of told me that Aquaman was actually gay, which I don't personally have a problem with, and even worse, French! (which I DO have a problem with.) Is this true?

Sounds true. To be honest, I've never read an Aquaman comic or even remember seeing an episode of Super Friends. So, does Aquaman actually fight villains or anything, or does he just swim around talking to fish (oh, that's got to be some interesting conversations... not!).

George S. from Sixth Street, Austin, TX asks:
What is the Big Red Spot on Jupiter? It's not some marketing gimmick by an Earth-bound company, is it?

I thought it might be some big marketing ploy by 7-Up too, so I built a probe in my backyard and launched it towards Jupiter to find out. We'll just have to wait for it.

...

So, uh, how's that local sports team?

....

...

You know, I've started to have thoughts about... Oh! It's there. Let's see what data it reports back.

Hmm... there is in fact a spot that is big and red. Seems to be some storm... but there is a radio signal coming from it. Let's see...

Whoops, the probe just plunged right in there. I can still get some communication back. Wow, seems to be a voice on that radio signal:

"I am Zoloft, ancient demon who has been imprisoned in the red eternal storm of this giant planet. Your meddling has now freed me such that my wrath may once again go out about this universe. First, I will start with your pathetic planet, the one that is second orb from the sun. Muh ha ha ha!"

Heh heh, dumbass. He's going to attack Venus. Anyway, there is your answer. 7-Up imprisoned an ancient demon there as some marketing ploy.

* * * *

Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one.

Currently 2.00/5
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Rating: 2.0/5 (3 votes cast)

Frank Answers
Email This | Add to del.icio.us | Digg this |

Stumble It!

25 Responses To "Frank Answers: Coco the Gorilla, Looting the Dead, the Bright Light Reflex, Aquaman is a Gay Frenchman, and Jupiter's Red Spot"

I have noticed that two trans-dimensional beings/demons in your work have the names of well-known pharmecuetical products (e.g. Zoloft and Lipitor)... Is it a huge coincidence, or are the pharm companies (e.g. Pfizer, et al) communing with dark beings (as I've always somewhat suspected)?

#1 - Posted by: Phil on July 11, 2003 12:42 PM

Yay! First post in the list!(and second now...)

#2 - Posted by: Phil on July 11, 2003 12:43 PM

He's not gay, I remember one comic where he got it on with this eskimo chick.

#3 - Posted by: Vince on July 11, 2003 01:16 PM

I didn't know the Uncola was unholy. Thanks for the warning, Frank.

#4 - Posted by: aelfheld on July 11, 2003 01:26 PM

I think the evil Triumvirate of Dark Lords (tm) could be rounded out nicely by Choraphor. The Evil Masters of Depression, High Cholesterol, and Herpes Outbreaks could unite for a pay-per-view five man, one dog, tag-team, cage match to the death versus Buck, Rumsfeld, and Chomps.

I know I'd pay to see that.

#5 - Posted by: Mike the Marine on July 11, 2003 02:41 PM

Aquaman may not be gay, but he sure as shooting had the lamest costume ever. What kind of "undersea king" wanders around in a orange shirt and green pants? What, was he some kind of underwater freakazoid leprechaun?

Oh, and it's Koko, not coco.

#6 - Posted by: Joseph J. Finn on July 11, 2003 02:54 PM

The word is "furriners", pronounced as it is spelled. And the Houston Astros purely kicked the ass of them Cincinnati Comminists, too.

#7 - Posted by: jc on July 11, 2003 03:33 PM

"What is the "bright-light" reflex?"
It sounds like a toothpaste advertisement.

"Tea shadows on your tooth, milk toffee on your tongue. Don't let the darkness gain you, Bright-light helps you fight the dull.

Bright-light, the reflex to enjoy a good day!

Bright-light the shine on you !"

#8 - Posted by: Amphitryon on July 11, 2003 05:29 PM

Thanks for clearing that up for me Frank. I'd sure hate to have to give all that stuff back.

#9 - Posted by: Ken Nevin on July 11, 2003 05:45 PM

Listen, If Zoloft the drug is so effective, then why the hell is this demon going to destroy Venus? I mean, I only have urges to destroy Venus when I'm depressed or when I think I see French people on it. "If Zoloft is attacking Venus, It does not make sense!" {Johnny Cochran 13:25, Bullshiticus}

#10 - Posted by: Jon Norman on July 11, 2003 07:07 PM

C'mon Frank, you've already dealt with the bright light reflex in a previous Frank Answers. You went to the Himilayas. Its the whatsis that causes the sun to make people sneeze. Perhaps you could point Carridine to that post.

I would, but I'm lazy.

#11 - Posted by: Robert on July 11, 2003 07:16 PM

Uh, is that 7-Up or the clever marketing ploy of a certain drug company?

"The bright light hurts, Mommy."

"Shaddup and take your pill."

Hmmm.

#12 - Posted by: margi on July 11, 2003 08:15 PM

Well judging by most of the games I have played.
When you kill someone not only does all off their stuff become yours, but you also become stronger.

#13 - Posted by: IkkonoIshi on July 11, 2003 11:22 PM

Bright-light, the light that hurts.
Yourah, mommy done.

Bright-light, and the pile gone !
Yourah, mommy flight.

Bright-light the tooth paste that gives you wings.
To not use with water.
:)

#14 - Posted by: Hot socks on July 12, 2003 08:56 AM

i thought the red spot was a zit.

Actually, aquaman wears orange because that color is easier to see underwater. It is important for him to be seen by the other aquapeople. Why, i don't know.

#15 - Posted by: annika on July 12, 2003 01:01 PM

It's important for Aquaman to be seen by the other aquapeople so they can avoid him.

#16 - Posted by: aelfheld on July 12, 2003 02:08 PM

Burn!

#17 - Posted by: Frank J. on July 12, 2003 03:22 PM

Burn!

Me?

#18 - Posted by: aelfheld on July 12, 2003 11:25 PM

IkkonoIshi is right. It was good old Fred Niche that said "That which does not kill us makes us stronger". Also, anyone who has read 'Elric of Melnibonie' knows that if you have a cursed sword (Doomslayer) you get the power of everyone you kill.

#19 - Posted by: Tomryhmer on July 13, 2003 01:10 AM

Aquaman is not only straight, but he has a magical water hand given to him by the lady of the lake so he can fight dark sorcery mutant fish... and I'm really not making that up!

#20 - Posted by: Sailorette on July 13, 2003 02:38 PM

Yeah, now supposedly Aquaman is a badass. Riiiight.

#21 - Posted by: Joseph J. Finn on July 14, 2003 02:19 PM

I'm not afraid of Zoloft. He's the Unvillain.

#22 - Posted by: angela on July 15, 2003 08:18 AM

I would like to hear more about coco. Can she talk to other animals and tell you what is on there minds.What are her main interest.Does she watch tv.If so what does she think.What does she think of the human race.What kind of special food does she like.

#23 - Posted by: jerry harbour on August 10, 2004 05:06 PM

6545 How can this all be right? Check out my site http://www.pai-gow-keno.com

#24 - Posted by: pai gow on October 5, 2004 08:22 AM

If you are looking for Yoga Mats or want to buy a Yoga Mat, some yoga Sticky Mats or just a single yoga Sticky Mat then Buy Yoga Mats at the best place to Buy Yoga Mat. Meditation Pillows Meditation Pillows Meditation Pillow Meditation Pillow Also find Eye Pillows if you are looking for an Eye Pillow or other Yoga Props and Yoga Products. Peace. http://yoga-mats.freeservers.com/

Click Here, Click here, Click here,
click here, Click Here, click here,
Click here, Click Here, click here

#25 - Posted by: yoga mats on December 3, 2004 07:32 PM