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July 17, 2003
It's Really Just the Thumb Sticking Out Between Two Fingers
Posted by Frank J. at 08:20 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (12)

We're pretty sure North Korea has nuclear weapons, and this would be a serious and scary affair if their leader wasn't so damn goofy looking with his poofy hair and all. He's like the clown prince of evil dictators. Still, Bush seems comitted to a diplomatic solution, and, while I favor... uh... what's the opposite of a diplomatic solution? Oh yeah, a bomb the crap out of them solution. As I was saying, while I favor that, here are some ideas for a diplomatic solution:

TOP TEN DIPLOMATIC SOLUTIONS TO THE NORTH KOREAN NUCLEAR CRISIS

10. Offer free coupon for SuperKutz in exchange for nuclear warheads.

9. At talks, say, "Hey! Look over there!" Then grab nuclear warheads and run away while laughing (laughing makes you run faster).

8. Ask Kim Jong Il to "Please dismantle nukes." If that doesn't work, raise to pretty please. Then put sugar on top. Then offer to be his best friend.

7. Have people negotiating with Kim Jong Il have even larger and poofier hair so that he is shamed.

6. Make nuclear armament a symbol of gay pride. Joke to Kim Jong Il, "I didn't know you swung that way."

5. Dress up cruise missiles in suits and ties so they look like diplomats. Have then be tough, but fair, and then explode.

4. Buy a big meal from KFC and eat it in front of the North Korean people while saying, "Mmmm... this is good chicken! I just wish I had citizens of a country which isn't proliferating nuclear weapons to share it with."

3. Have Bush challenge Kim Jong Il to kung fu fight for the warheads. Cheat like all 'ell.

2. Say we will exchange his nuclear warheads for even better ones. What we give them instead are spray-painted automatic bread makers.

And, the number one diplomatic solution to the North Korean nuclear crisis...

Do that "Got your nose!" trick to Kim Jong Il. Say you won't give his nose back until he dismantles his nuclear weapons program.

Rating: 2.3/5 (11 votes cast)

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