Are you excited? Can you feel the tension?

Yes, it is time for new batch of bloggers to step up to the plate.

Let's meet Group C!

Meet the Bloggers

The Blog of Xanadu (running now as the Campaign Center for Xanadu for President. Donations are now being accepted.)
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? J, jfielek, and on occasion, Xanadu.
* How long have you been blogging? About a year and a half. 16 January 2002 was my first post.
* Description of Site: It's evolved into my Campaign for President. Donations are now being accepted.
* Praise Frank J. and IMAO: Frank J is The Man. Women spontaneously ovulate in his presence. Some even self impregnate. Dogs whimper and cower at his presence, cats flee, and the French piss their pants at the mere thought of him coming to England, much less France. The Eiffel Tower bursts into flame if a Frenchie even mentions his name (it happened just the other day). Monkeys self-castrate and flee into the jungle when Frank J approaches (this is hell on the Zoos and their breeding programs). Strong men feel faint in his presence. I even sign my email and posts 'J' just to emulate his Greatness. I like any of the "In My World" posts. That's why Frank J is Official White House Historian starting in January 2005, after I win the election. Donations are now being accepted.
* What's your favorite movie? Full Metal Jacket, just for R. Lee Ermey, my official White House Peace Envoy.
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Mayor Quimby. I have political aspirations, too. Donations are now being accepted.
* Are you accepting donations? Yes.
* When are you accepting donations? Now.
[Ed. Okay, I added those last two myself.]

Bloviating Inanities
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Bill
* How long have you been blogging? About 10 months.
Description of site: I wouldn't say mine was a personal weblog although I do talk about myself a lot because I love me. I try to talk about stuff people can relate to, like fat ankles and ass pollops.
Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: Frank J. is an engineer and that's very impressive! Frank J. must be really smart! I would love to praise Frank J.'s blog but it is against my policy to compliment a blog when I'm not on their blog roll. Hopefully, this contest will remedy that. OK, it's really frickin' funny. My favorite post is New Agenda.
* What's your favorite movie? South Park - The Movie. Satan, Saddam, Sodomy - it's got it all.
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Bleeding Gums Murphy. Don't ask.

Collinization (he just moved from blogspot)
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? John, or Collins, it really doesn't matter.
* How long have you been blogging? Let's see, started in April, its now July, so carry the 7...it'll be 20 years this Septober.
* Description of site: It's me writing about whatever I happen to feel like
writing about at that time. Cursing and ill-conceived racial remarks abound.
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: Frank J. is the funniest guy I know who's website ends in .us. My favorite post is "In My World: The Press
is Getting Bored of Seeing Daschle Mauled by a Gorilla Every Year", because it is amusing while still factually accurate. What will that zany alcoholic Ari
Fleischer do next? [Ed. Leave the administration.]
* What's your favorite movie? My favorite movie this week is Old School.
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Homer.

What is the name of your site? Uncategorical (formerly GrahamLester.com)
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Graham Lester
* How long have you been blogging? Since April 2003
* Description of site: Limericks, commentary and satire.
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: Awesome!
* Favorite post: Know Thy Enemy: North Koreans
* What's your favorite movie? Casablanca
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Barney

Mike
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Mike
* How long have you been blogging? Since July 7, 2003
* Description of site: My friends think I'm full of shit and my blog is my opportunity to prove them right. Eventually I will use it to take over the world and run it my way.
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO: Frank is the Atlas on whose shoulders the Blogoshere rests. Favorite post? Any that irritate Glenn "I have no original content except for the occasional 'Heh' or 'Indeed'" Reynolds. [Ed. Heh, I like that.]
* What's your favorite movie? The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension.
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Bartman! "I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! You can't prove anything!" So Clintonesque. He's a role model for all politicians and over-paid athletes.

Modularparrot.com
* What is your preferred name as a blogger? Stan, Bob, Jon, Darwin and Guy (The P-Team)
* How long have you been blogging? Stan and Bob for 1 year each in another life. Jon and the bird are virgin bloggers.
* Description of site: Authored by three guys and a talking African grey parrot; one conservative, one liberal and one libertarian. The bird is bipolar. Topics range from Naturally Dead Food™ to navel introspection; there's something for everyone. Worth regular visits to see what's new and exciting.
* Praise for Frank J. and IMAO:
Stan: Who is Frank J? What kind of name is that?
Bob: You know, he's the guy that runs IMAO.US. Lots of quality humor and gratuitous references to puppy blending and ninjas. Excellent material in 'Frank Answers', 'If I Were President' and 'In My World'. Seems like a nice guy.
Darwin: He's that Unablogger guy isn't he?
Bob: Shut up Darwin.
* What's your favorite movie?
Stan: ModularParrot The Movie, of course
Bob: The Incredible Mr. Limpet
Darwin: Yeah, with Aquaman
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with?
Stan: I'm thinking Johnnie Cochran. No fly-funk attorney has more style.
Bob: I'd say that prosecutor guy who was violating that prosecutor gal, but doesn't Frank mean the cartoon Simpsons?
Stan: The Simpsons are a cartoon now? I bet Judge Ito is funny. Heh, heh.
Darwin:

Mamamontezz's Mental Rumpus Room did not get answers in on time.

Here are their repsonses to the question in random order (revealing who wrote which is means for disqualification):

QUESTION: Name your least favorite species of monkey and explain why you dislike that monkey.

ANSWER 1: The European Moss-Back; a nearly-extinct subset of the infamous Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey. The EMB is distinguished by its lack of personal hygiene, infrequent showers and propensity to urinate in the street. Visual identification is simple; the EMB is heavily carpeted in thick hair on its back, arms, legs, and feet and often wears a beret to cover a hairless pate. Always has something in its mouth, usually one of its feet. Older EMBs tend to be grey-backed.
* EMBs chatter constantly, usually unintelligibly, and wouldn't be caught dead communicating with lesser breeds. When they are caught dead, their meat is flabby, gamy and otherwise unpalatable.
* EMBs are not territorial; in fact, they rarely defend themselves except when there's pride or oil involved, neither of which they posses in any significant quantity. So they tend to be red arsed from frequent beatings.
* They can only be moved to action by threats and big sticks, or by yelling "Rarr". (16 words)
* EMBs tend to congregate around African cesspools, art museums, or plates heaped with rotting cheese, foie gras and crackers, and they show a peculiar attraction to whine.

ANSWER 2: The baboon is my least favorite species of monkey:
Baboons have ugly butts.
Baboons are scary.
Baboons will eat anything, including other baboons, and even humans.
The baboon is the most French of all the monkeys. Here are some solid proofs:
If you ask a baboon a simple question in English, he will act like he doesn't speak the language.
If you ask the question again in French, the baboon will act arrogant, like you're not good enough to merit the consideration of a reply.
Although baboons eat anything and anyone, I know of no case of a baboon eating a Frenchman.
Although they will also eat anything, I know of no case of a Frenchman eating a baboon. Obviously, there is an alliance.
If you ask to be served baboon in a French restaurant, they will become angry, like they have something to hide.
French organ grinders never use baboons.
There are no cases of baboon organ grinders using Frenchmen (except in captivity).
If you throw a beret to a troop of baboons, they will wait until you have gone and then the leader will put the beret on his head and quote Sartre.
Stop Press: Absolute proof of the Franco-Baboon Alliance can be found at this link.

ANSWER 3: At the risk of being permanently banned from IMAO, I have to confess that I love monkeys. All of them. The little guys are incredibly handy. They wash my dishes, pick up my dry cleaning, and occasionally pose as me on my blog. They even do windows, although they bitch about it. The only problem is that I can't toilet-train them. Their union contract says that they don't have to wear diapers so they shit wherever they want to.

ANSWER 4: Any form of macaque. Macaque is the French word for 'monkey'. Leave it to the French to name the monkey after their tiny masculine body parts. We should shoot all macaques, and then shoot each French man in is 'macaque'. As President, I'd make macaques illegal. Donations are now being accepted.

ANSWER 5: The Buffy-headed Marmoset. While this particular monkey appears cute, cuddly and harmless enough, I once witnessed two of these little bastards at a zoo. It wasn't pretty. The male not only sexually assaulted the female, he then proceeded to steal her banana. She retaliated by throwing her fresh, steaming poo at him. I was afraid she would turn on me with the poo flinging so I headed over to a more well-behaved animal, the wolverine. Luckily, the Buffy-headed Marmoset is on the endangered species list.

ANSWER 6: Although I do hate all monkeys, my least favorite species is the apus moldus cowardus; the cheese-eating surrender monkey. Easily identified by their long, flowing back hair(females) and small genitals (males), this vile beast was the first species of monkey to fling excriment out of it's mouth. These animals allow their food to rot for months, even years before consuming it. Some think that they enjoy the stench, as it covers their own putrid smell. Others, like myself, believe it is due to their intense fear of inanimate objects. For those reasons, the cheese-eating surrender monkey is the species of monkey I hate the most. Well, that and one of the little bastards bit me one time, and I think it gave me the AIDS. Don't worry though; I put some windex on it.

There are the answers; all very good answers... but which is best!

PLACE YOUR BETS NOW!

POLL CLOSED (results here)

Poll closes 24 hours after this post (well, probably a bit later because I don't have work tomorrow and I'm going to sleep in).

And now next round of questions for Group D!

GROUP D QUESTIONS:

What is the name of your site?
What is your preferred name as a blogger?
How long have you been blogging?
Give a brief description of your site.
Briefly praise Frank J. and IMAO. Name favorite post.
What's your favorite movie?
Which Simpsons character do you most identify with?

SHORT ANSWER QUESTION: In 200 words or less, describe the best way to kill a Communist.

You have 24 hours from the time of this post to get me your answers. Godspeed.

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