The poll is closed.

No offense to the first two groups, but I think we had the best group of answers so far (they probably also got an easier question; everyone hates monkeys). There were a total of 267 votes.

The question was: Name your least favorite species of monkey and explain why you dislike that monkey.

And the winning answer is: Answer 1, written by Stan, Bob, Jon, Darwin and Guy of Modularparrot.com. It got 96 votes (36%).

The European Moss-Back; a nearly-extinct subset of the infamous Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey. The EMB is distinguished by its lack of personal hygiene, infrequent showers and propensity to urinate in the street. Visual identification is simple; the EMB is heavily carpeted in thick hair on its back, arms, legs, and feet and often wears a beret to cover a hairless pate. Always has something in its mouth, usually one of its feet. Older EMBs tend to be grey-backed.
* EMBs chatter constantly, usually unintelligibly, and wouldn't be caught dead communicating with lesser breeds. When they are caught dead, their meat is flabby, gamy and otherwise unpalatable.
* EMBs are not territorial; in fact, they rarely defend themselves except when there's pride or oil involved, neither of which they posses in any significant quantity. So they tend to be red arsed from frequent beatings.
* They can only be moved to action by threats and big sticks, or by yelling "Rarr". (16 words)
* EMBs tend to congregate around African cesspools, art museums, or plates heaped with rotting cheese, foie gras and crackers, and they show a peculiar attraction to whine.

Answer 2 was written by Graham Lester of Uncategorical. It got 67 votes (25%).

The baboon is my least favorite species of monkey:
Baboons have ugly butts.
Baboons are scary.
Baboons will eat anything, including other baboons, and even humans.
The baboon is the most French of all the monkeys. Here are some solid proofs:
If you ask a baboon a simple question in English, he will act like he doesn't speak the language.
If you ask the question again in French, the baboon will act arrogant, like you're not good enough to merit the consideration of a reply.
Although baboons eat anything and anyone, I know of no case of a baboon eating a Frenchman.
Although they will also eat anything, I know of no case of a Frenchman eating a baboon. Obviously, there is an alliance.
If you ask to be served baboon in a French restaurant, they will become angry, like they have something to hide.
French organ grinders never use baboons.
There are no cases of baboon organ grinders using Frenchmen (except in captivity).
If you throw a beret to a troop of baboons, they will wait until you have gone and then the leader will put the beret on his head and quote Sartre.
Stop Press: Absolute proof of the Franco-Baboon Alliance can be found at this link.

Answer 3 was written by Mike of Mike. He got 23 votes (9%).

At the risk of being permanently banned from IMAO, I have to confess that I love monkeys. All of them. The little guys are incredibly handy. They wash my dishes, pick up my dry cleaning, and occasionally pose as me on my blog. They even do windows, although they bitch about it. The only problem is that I can't toilet-train them. Their union contract says that they don't have to wear diapers so they shit wherever they want to.

Answer 4 was written by J of The Blog of Xanadu. It got 21 votes (8%). Donations are now being accepted.

Any form of macaque. Macaque is the French word for 'monkey'. Leave it to the French to name the monkey after their tiny masculine body parts. We should shoot all macaques, and then shoot each French man in is 'macaque'. As President, I'd make macaques illegal. Donations are now being accepted.

Answer 5 was written by Bill of Bloviating Inanities. It got 13 votes (5%).

The Buffy-headed Marmoset. While this particular monkey appears cute, cuddly and harmless enough, I once witnessed two of these little bastards at a zoo. It wasn't pretty. The male not only sexually assaulted the female, he then proceeded to steal her banana. She retaliated by throwing her fresh, steaming poo at him. I was afraid she would turn on me with the poo flinging so I headed over to a more well-behaved animal, the wolverine. Luckily, the Buffy-headed Marmoset is on the endangered species list.

Answer 6 was written by John or Collins (is doesn't really matter) of Collinization. It got 47 votes (18%).

Although I do hate all monkeys, my least favorite species is the apus moldus cowardus; the cheese-eating surrender monkey. Easily identified by their long, flowing back hair(females) and small genitals(males), this vile beast was the first species of monkey to fling excriment out of it's mouth. These animals allow their food to rot for months, even years before consuming it. Some think that they enjoy the stench, as it covers their own putrid smell. Others, like myself, believe it is due to their intense fear of inanimate objects. For those reasons, the cheese-eating surrender monkey is the species of monkey I hate the most. Well, that and one of the little bastards bit me one time, and I think it gave me the AIDS. Don't worry though; I put some windex on it.

This was a hard one to pick a best answer from, and I once again did not vote for the winner as I voted for Answer 2 as I thought the comparison between a baboon and a Frenchman was particularly funny (I especially liked the part about it pretending not to know English).

Hmm... and this is three times in a row answer 1 has won the contest.

Anyway, congratulations to the P-Team of Modularparrot.com who joins Serenity's Journal and Adventures in Trouble Shooting as finalists.

Thanks again to everyone for participating. I hope this has been as fun for you as it is aggravating for me to format these posts :)

Group D's answers are all in, and the poll will be posted Monday morning.

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