The tension is so thick, you can cut it with a knife. That means it is time for a new batch of bloggers to compete!

Group E!

Meet the Bloggers

* What is the name of your site?
Ambient Irony
* What is your preferred name as a blogger?
Pixy Misa
* How long have you been blogging?
Three months and counting.
* Give a brief description of your site.
This is my blog. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
* Briefly praise Frank J. and IMAO. Name favorite post.
Frank is funny. (Err, was that brief enough?)
I always loved the In My World press conferences, particularly when Condi was demonstrating a new toy. The one about the Robot Sipders is
may favourite.
* What's your favorite movie?
Millennium Actress (Sennen joyu)
* Which Simpsons character do you most identify with?
Leela. No, wait! Uhhhh... Simpsons? Identify? With? How about Stephen Jay Gould? He was on the Simpsons, right?

*What is the name of your site? [Think About It]
*What is your preferred name as a blogger? Jarred Nicholls (badass name, yes? My mother gave it to me)
*How long have you been blogging? June 2003. Fairly new, but have always had opinions that need sharing. Opinions are like @$$holes, everyone's got 'em. The difference here is, mine are the only ones that matter.
*Give a brief description of your site. [Think About It] is a Conservative news, views, and humor site with a taste of wit and in-your-face journalism with the goal to make people think (easier said than done).
*Briefly praise Frank J. and IMAO. Name favorite post. Frank J. is a good guy with a lot of humor. He's a brother of anti-liberalism, and for that I respect him. As for a favorite post, I happen to enjoy them all, so I don't have a favorite post. [Ed. Cop-out.]
*What's your favorite movie? The Army of Darkness (Evil Dead III)...funniest damn movie ever.
*Which Simpsons character do you most identify with? Probably Barney. Not because of me, but most of my external family are fat slobby drunks and burp alot.

*What is the name of your site? Beth's Contradictory Brain
*What is your preferred name as a blogger? God
*How long have you been blogging? I started on Diaryland (don't laugh) in April 2002, then moved to http://bethmauldin.com/ in November of 2002.
*Give a brief description of your site. All the contradictory thoughts in my brain on your screen - isn't the internet wonderful?
*Briefly praise Frank J. and IMAO. Name favorite post. Frank J. is wise and sarcastic beyond his years. There is no other blogger equal to Frank J. If IMAO were read by everyone on the planet - we just might achieve utopia.
My favorite entry: A Question of No Importance

Apropos to nut'n, were the can and the can opener invented simultaneously? I figure someone didn't invent the can opener first and then said, "Hey, we've got this great opener, now let's invent something it can open." If that didn't happen, and they were not both made at the same time, that means that, after the first man successful sealed food inside a can, he stood a long while just staring at it wondering, "Now how the hell do I get it out of there? Now this seems like such a dumb idea, because I'm hungry." I know that if someone had taken my food, sealed it inside a can, and didn't have a way of getting it out, I'd be pretty pissed.

* Site Name: Shining full plate and a good broadsword
* Preferred blogger name: Banagor
*How long have I been blogging: Since day 1. Nobody is, however, exactly sure when day 1 originated. Some carbon dating has returned the results of several years, but also going back nearly a decade in other various forms. Evolution is a wonderful thing and it sometimes can confuse the onlooker, especially when the purpose is to study the transformation and pin down the exact point at which one thing becomes another. There is no point to asking this question as the subject has been online longer than most people even know what the heck a modem is. There is also no point to this answer, as the writer has already shown his flippancy towards anything non-coffee related in the morning.
*Brief description of my site: Pain erupted throughout the thoughtless orc's visage as the mailed fist and steel shield smashed into the twisted mass of flesh and bone. The grunting and pig-like squealing from the denizens of evil all around the shining paladin now had a tinge of fear about it and their grubby little green and filthy fingers trembled just as they were reaching up towards him to pull him down into the darkness. There was silence.
And then the face slid off of the shining bright shield in a slow and slithering slump. Dead. It had been crushed and was the first to be destroyed in the mad throes of the fires of Hell itself. There was silence and naught was heard for that moment in battle which can last an eternity - that moment when your opponent sees death in his eyes.
And then begins the singing, and the broadsword shines forth in the darkness, arcing it's way through the air to accompany the song as the hordes of evil begin to flee. They trample each other in terror as the paladin does his best work, slicing and lobbing off heads, limbs, and all with his sword, their blood spilling over into the air like rainbows of light as they are hacked down by the thousands in this version of gritty work for the noble and higher cause. They know that they cannot stand before him so they jump, screaming their horrible pig squeals of pain and fear as they fall within the darkened crevasse - an abyss of their own ignorant making. They leap like lemmings, a single living bridge of contorted and twisted bodies suspended eternally in mid-air, grappling with each other in their doom, forever cursed to claw at only their own wretched bodies as he stands there, on the edge of it all, and continues to chase them with his tools of war and righteousness, ensuring that the final leap of their evil forever remains their last, stupid, painful moment: to have meddled with the forces of good and paid the highest price of all. Eternal damnation from that which is good.
I could, naturally, give you a long version of what my site is about.
*Praising Frank, IMAO, and favorite post: Frank is that dark mysterious black knight which fights on the side of goodness and truth and the paladin way. He humbles all, and teaches wisely about the evils of the world and how to guard against them. His goodness doth reach the very walls of the camp of paladins camped outside the very gates of Hell in that eternal battle, giving them hope and reaching out with the justice of arms. For, is it not said that no man who is wrong may win against one who is good, just, and true in a contest of arms on the field of valor? Yes, verily it is sooth and so, and Frank reminds us all of that. It is a given that my favorite post is the "Nuke the Moon" post, as I have written a long analytical piece on it, explaining the truth and justice behind the very notion.
*Favorite Movie: Where Eagles Dare. Killing that many Nazis in a single movie can only bring joy to the hearts of everyone who sees it.
*Favorite Simpsons: I don't identify with a particular character on the Simpsons really except, perhaps, Lisa. I know that she's a girl but as I see it, she's a paladin. She is oft the voice of reason in the show and she is by far the brightest star there is. However, I see the Simpsons as a single entity comprised of the many. I identify with everyone on the show because the genius of the show is that it has a little bit of everyone in it made up of each individual character. Therefore, it is the nature of God. God cannot be dissected into parts, because it is a wholesome oneness which creates the unique aspect of Godhood. It is heresy to even attempt to dissect the Simpsons in anything more than jest, but if I had to choose, I would then - again - say Lisa.

Who Tends the Fires and A Little Aardvark Never Hurt Anyone did not respond. Banagor turned his nearly 500 word answer in late, so it had to be disqualified on two counts. Thus, there are only three answers to choose from this time.

Here are those three answers to the question in random order (revealing who wrote which is means for disqualification):

QUESTION: Everyone knows my solution to random ninja attacks. In 200 words or less, describe your own solution. Remember, while people hate getting randomly attacked by ninjas, they also hate high taxes, so try and keep your solutions cheap.

ANSWER 1: Ninjas? Are you serious? Unless these "ninjas" are wearing Batman like thick-as-shit rubber tighties that reflect bullets, then whip out your Desert Eagle, put one in each of their nuts (most ninjas don't wear anti-bullet-in-nut shields), put one in each of their knee caps, walk behind them, recite the Boondock Saints prayer, and put one in the back of their head. No more ninja.

ANSWER 2: Hit them with a Dragon Slave spell. This is sort of like a Neutron Bomb, only backwards: it leaves people alive - more or less - in a crater several miles wide. While the Ninjas are boggling at the extent of the destruction (Ninjas often kill people, but rarely destroy entire cities), you can sneak up behind them, slip headphones over their ears and play Alanis Morisette at them until they melt into a puddle of gloop. This really works. (Celine Dion also works, but then you'd run the risk of hearing it and melting into a puddle of gloop yourself.)

ANSWER 3: Easy, breed Chomps, the world's angriest hunting dog, train his offspring what Ninja's are and how they smell, and then say "SicEm." Once the Ninja are taken care of (a week tops), the pups can then be trained to take out any other group, say the French, or the monkeys, causing problems.

Three to choose from, one to win.

PLACE YOUR BETS NOW!

POLL CLOSED

Poll closes 24 hours (or so) after this post.

And now next round of questions for Group F!

GROUP F QUESTIONS:
What is the name of your site?
What is your preferred name as a blogger?
How long have you been blogging?
Give a brief description of your site.
Briefly praise Frank J. and IMAO. Name favorite post.
What's your favorite movie?
Which Simpsons character do you most identify with?

SHORT ANSWER QUESTION: You are on your way somewhere, but a group of hippies incoherently protesting something blocks your way. In 200 words ot less, what is the best way to handle this siuation?

Group F, you have 24 hours to get me your answers. Godspeed.

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