Jennifer from the monkey house, Bronx Zoo asks:
If I were to dig a hole to the center of the Earth and put you in it, would you feel gravity?

I already have a fortress at the center of the Earth in which I float perfectly, absorbing the thoughts of all those throughout the world and plot against the enemies of me and the Alliance (and thus the allies of the Enemy). Watch yourself, Chief Smells Like a Monkey.

Robert from an Undisclosed Location, NY writes:
I recently installed the Seti@Home screensaver because I thought it looked kinda cool, and I liked the idea of helping to make contact with an alien species. (So we can go to war and steal all their oil of course) But I suddenly realized that the origin of this program is BERKLEY! Now, the question is should I accept this fact and continue running the screensaver, confident of the fact that the fools at Berkley are helping the US make contact with aliens and begin walking to the path to interstellar conquest, or should I delete the program, format my hard drive, and burn it so as to avoid the taint of the liberal hippy-monkeys who must have been involved in it's creation?

Good question. My initial fear is that the first beings the aliens encounter when contact is made would be these Berkleyites, and thus the aliens would be so disgusted that they would surely declare war on us. Then again, I bet we could take those pansy-ass gray skins. Let the program run and bring it on, I say.

Aric, Arlington, VA
Why do monkeys like to fling poo?

Because they are disgusting, vile creatures who luckily don't have access to grenades. Let's keep it that way.

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Please keep the questions coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, I'll randomly select one.

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Frank Answers
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