Damn strait "Bob" sounds fiercer!

The Superhero I would call on in times of trouble would be The Tick....you know he nuked the moon once, right? (well, technically I think he failed to stop the moon from being nuked, but hey, why quibble?)

I didn't know that Charlton Heston was Aquaman! There is a striking similarity between Aquaman and Heston in the 10 Commandments -- Dumbozo - News Subliminably Delivered

A fellow Marine and reader of IMAO brought up to me an interesting point which I'd like to get everyone's opinion on.

There is NO WAY that Aquaman can be a cool, kickass superhero. It's not even an option. And here's why: there is a link between Aquaman and the French. And it's more than just that they are both totally ineffectual. No, there is an actual, tangible, physical link between the two.

JACQUES COUSTEAU

That's right, Jacques Cousteau. He practically invented Scuba technology and co-invented the "aqualung." Think about it people, get two aqualungs, invent an 'aquastomach', some 'aquakidneys', and a few other 'aqua' parts and you'll be able to build an actual AQUAMAN.

This Frenchman not only was trying to build an Aquaman, he was trying to become one. Throughout his years spent underwater, he must have learned at least a little fish and I'm almost positive he spoke whale quite fluently (being as they're mammals, I'd think the pronunciation would be easier to pick up).

He was also a lying bastard. Remember when Jacques had to admit that he had, in fact, filmed many of his so called "underwater explorations" in large tanks instead of the open ocean? Well he did. In fact, I think he filmed some of that stuff in his bathtub. How his being a lying bastard links him to Aquaman I'm not sure, but it doesn't change the fact that he was a lying bastard Frenchman.

His only redeeming quality was that he was probably the world's cleanest Frenchman, as he kept dipping himself in water. At the very least, that had to help keep the smell down.

So there you have it. Jacques Cousteau was trying to build and/or BECOME Aquaman, thereby paving the way for an army of completly ineffectual and worthless French aquamen. Or would it be a navy of aquamen? Well, either way, I feel this completely discounts any claims that Aquaman may have to being "cool," because the French wanted to BECOME him and we all know that anything that the French like enough to want to become (Socialists, losers, apologists for Islamo-freaks, etc) SUCKS.

So remember: if you like Aquaman, you like France.
And ain't NO MAN gonna accuse me of that.

Here endeth the lesson.

Aquaman is still a pansy.

And the only reason that the SuperFriends let the Flash come along on the adventures was practical. Y'know, after the fighting was done, Superman would tap Flash's special powers --

"Hey Flash, go get the beer."

And zip-zot, there'd be fresh, cold beer, right out of the fridge back at SuperFriends HQ. And thus all is made right in the world.

BTW, one of the big government secrets is that the SuperFund was actually a carefully crafted plot to pay the SuperFriends. The so-called "SuperFund Sites" are actually places where they whooped up on the bad guys and had to move people away since bad guys are often toxic.

On Power Girl -

You totally called it on Power Girl... she actually WAS Supergirl, but found out that the name was being used by a younger version of her on another Earth and got the Power Girl name instead. Of course, she's best known for being comics' most strident feminist. But at least she got a mention on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is more than Aquaman can claim!

Aquaman's a wuss. Always has been, always will be. If he calls to a bunch of humpback whales to handle a situation, then the whales are the badasses, and would probably stomp Aquaman to fish paste if he pissed them off.

But Frank, don't hack on the Flash. He can run so fast he can go back in time. That's gotta be worth something, doesn't it?

So here's an interesting question which just begs for a Frank Answer:

Who would win in a fight between Aquaman and Prince Namor?

Who is Prince Namor?

Is it just me or does Aquaman look like a kinda sober Nick Nolte before he killed Bruce Banner's mum?

Prince Namor is also known as the Submariner; he's basically a Marvel equivalent to Aquaman, where he gets annoyed at "surface-dwellers" and that whole thing.

Aquaman and Namor actually did have a battle during the big Marvel vs. DC crossover.

SPOILER!

After a short fistfight, Aquaman summoned a blue whale to beach itself right on top of Namor. Aquaman then said something like, "That's the difference between you and me, Namor... you don't cheat!"

Personally, I think this Aquaman looks like The Undertaker from WWF (yeah right, WWE..... whatever - I'm old school)

I mean if he like bleached himself blonde and didn't have all the tats.

And wasn't such a wuss an' stuff.

Wow, Just John. I would have guessed Namor would be the one who fights dirty.

Susie - good call on The Tick - the perfect superhero for IMAO. Besides being partly responsible for nuking the moon, he's also fought The French (the Breadmaster), the Communists (Eastern Bloc Robot Cowboy), and... The Swiss! Of course, he also once led a monkey rebellion, but nobody's perfect.

Whatever the content of the comic, that's a kickass cover.

We need to start a bandwagon for the Tick as IMAO's official superhero. As we all know the point of nuking the moon is so that everyone thinks we're crazy. The Tick started his career in an asylum. Plus he has the essential American virtues of being big, powerful and nigh indestructable.

Funny shit! I was just having this conversation a few months ago...

www.jjandbird.com/aquaman.html

NO!!
Its the evil villian spamtor!

Who will save us?

The French actually kick ass underwater (Cap. Nemo) and on the moon, provided that it's an old timey moon with blinky eyes and parasol toadstools. Burt Lancaster kicked ass as The Swimmer, but if Aquaman used that name he might get sued by the estate of John "I fear my orgasm has left me a cripple" Cheever. Who read the one where Aquaman was mutated into this Neptune like immortal god of the sea? There was a nuclear war, all the regular people either died or mutated into australopithecine type thingies, Superman lost his powers, grew a Robinson Crusoe beard, married Wonder Woman, had a kid, then Earth blew up, and the baby escaped with the Green Lantern's ring.