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August 19, 2003
Bite-Sized Wisdom: Ineffective Republicans, Sword Play, Specism, and Baseball
* I don't know about this whole Arnold thing now. I'm starting to get worried that's he going to be a Bloomberg liberal Republican instead of Giuliani liberal Republican. Though it's nice to have someone in office with an (R) next to his or her name, if the choice is between an ineffective Republican governor or mayor vs. and ineffective Democrat, I'd rather have the Democrat. No reason to sully the good name of Republicans for a short-term gain. If Arnold screws things up, I'll kick his ass. Yeah, that right! * My sister is in California, but I don't remember hearing what she thinks about this recall thing. She told me in the last election she voted for Nader, but that was just to tweak me (she voted for Bush). Aww, my little sister involved in democracy. * Then again, I never got this whole "women voting" thing. If it wasn't for women, Dole actually would have beat Clinton in '96. Then again, I hear woman are now just as concerned as men about issues of national defense, which is good. Still, you shape up, women; we gave you the vote, and we can take it away! * IMAO would like to apologize to all its female readers for that last statement, which does not reflect the opinion of IMAO or its subsidiaries (of which there are none). * I ended up getting that Zatoichi sword. I didn't play with it much yesterday since I wasn't feeling well, but I found out that if you're practicing throwing something in the air and cutting it in two, an orange is too messy... especially in the living room (I had to clean orange juice off the miniblinds). I think I'll stick to apples. BTW, if there is a slowdown in blogging, it's probably from a loss of fingers. * Am I alone in not particularly liking the French? * To all military readers of this site: get off your damn asses and kill some terrorists. What are you doing surfing the net when there are still people out there in need of killing! Hey, my tax dollars pay your measly salary, so get to it! * If I become a successful author and makes lots of money with the book I wrote, screw you guys; I'll only write if I get paid for it from now on. Sorry. * When do we find out who the Democrat candidate for president is? I can't wait for that race to kick into high gear; it should be funny. Wouldn't it be cool if Kucinich surprises everyone and breaks into the lead? He's the only one brave enough to take on mind-controlling space lasers (and tin-foil hats won't save you from those). * I hear there is controversy about Mel Gibson's movie The Passion which is about the final hours of Jesus Christ. Some people think it will cause anti-semitic violence. How would that work? "Wow, that movie was such a touching statement of Jesus belief in love, peace, and sacrifice... NOW LET'S GO BEAT US UP SOME JEWS!!!" * Just for the record, I don't actually hate monkeys. If I did, that would be specist. You can't just hate a whole species; you have to judge each one individually. Like, you may say you hate all mosquitoes, but what if one you saw wasn't trying to such your blood but was instead just admiring your wallpaper? Then you'd be a jerk to swat it. * There is a particular monkey I hate, though. See, one day I heard a knock at the door and there was this monkey. So I said, "Are you lost from the zoo, Mr. Monkey?" and he said, "Ooh! Ooh!" (or maybe it was, "Ee! Ee!"; it was a while ago). So I let him in, asked if he wanted some coffee, and, after he nodded yes, I went to get him some. Soon as I turned around, though, I saw him going out the window with my stereo and yelled, "Hey, come back with my stereo, you damn dirty ape!" That was said in the heat of the moment, but still, that doesn't excuse how specist that was of me. Anyway, I hate that monkey! If I find him, I'm going to hit him with a bat! * So what's the best way to carry a bat so it looks like you’re on your way to baseball practice and not like your just ready to cause trouble? Is there a certain way you can hold it in hand, or do you need a sheath to keep it in. Or does the sheath make you look too prepared? * I really think that baseball is the American pastime, because it symbolizes the values of America. You have to work as a team to succeed, but everyone also gets their time in the spotlight when they're at bat. Baseball is also hella boring, but I'm not sure how to work that into the metaphor. * Wouldn't it be funny to teach some monkeys to play baseball? Probably be easier to have it be tee-ball. That would be funny to watch, unless one bit me, which he almost certainly would. And then I don't like the idea of them having bats in their hand. They'd probably take me down with the biting, and then hit me with the bats. I'd be defenseless! * I hate monkeys. 27 Responses To "Bite-Sized Wisdom: Ineffective Republicans, Sword Play, Specism, and Baseball"
Thank god for the last statement. I can't imagine a world where Frank likes monkeys...that would be like me going to an Alec Baldwin movie and sipping f'ing Tattinger. #3 - Posted by: Blackfive on August 19, 2003 11:21 AMI'm a woman and I'm keeping my vote dangit! But I do apologize for all those gals who got so worked up by Al kissing Tipper that they made a mess out of the presidential election. Double yuck. Maybe neglected women should not be allowed to vote, or maybe women who enjoy seeing carp kiss. I don't know, I just know that there was something terribly icky about that kiss and yet some women were moved to vote for Gore because of it. Ewww. (but I'm still keeping my vote!) #4 - Posted by: jonag on August 19, 2003 11:41 AM"If I become a successful author and makes lots of money with the book I wrote, screw you guys; I'll only write if I get paid for it from now on." Spoken like a true capitalist oppressor. And now, where are the Warmonger Gang T-shirts that you promised? I want to engage in some evil free market activities here! #5 - Posted by: Katherine on August 19, 2003 12:06 PMThe best way to carry a bat is in one of those oversize baseball bags with the little bat sleeve attached to the back. Also, those are good for carrying rifles in, and you can put tons of ammo and pistols in the other part. That way you don't drag your pants down with all your guns. I bought a PPK because my Glock was dragging my pants down and being incovenient (and so I could play James Bond in the mirror when I'm bored) but now I just end up carrying both anyway, so I look extra gangster with my pants dragging. (yo you whadup B?) BTW, have you ever used your PPK to get chicks? They can't resist the damned thing. But I can't resist a gun bunny, so when I start out trying to make them fall head over heels by letting them hold my pistol, I end up falling for them when I see them posing with the pistol. Damned stupid gun. #6 - Posted by: Phelps on August 19, 2003 12:07 PMFrank, DEATH TO ALL MOSQUITOES!!!!!!! As a military reader, I want to apologize for the lack of killing that I have been doing of late. I've been totally remiss. I was distracted by the sexiest female bloggers. Maybe if you got them all togeher in one place for a victory party??? Then we could really get down to business. #8 - Posted by: Alan on August 19, 2003 01:26 PMIf you don't want to get a baseball bag, just get a baseball glove and run the bat handle through the backstrap. Perfect camoflage! #9 - Posted by: Rustmeister on August 19, 2003 02:54 PMPhelps, Instead of taking votes away from women in general, let's just take them away from the LIBERAL women. While we're at it, let's take the right to vote from all liberals! Sure, it defeats the whole idea of democracy, but it's still nice to think about. As a member of the U.S. Army I would like to explain the recent lack of killing. Originally we were allowed to kill all the terrorists we wanted. The only stipulation was that we had to say HOOAH after every kill. Then CNN began broadcasting our successes. Following this broadcast, the EPA and PETA stepped in and declared that terrorists were becoming an endangered species. Now we are only allowed to kill three each, and we get rotated back to the states to waste good taxpayer money until next season. Can't say I agree with the policy but at least this way everyone gets to bag their limit. #12 - Posted by: Ross on August 19, 2003 04:49 PMRoss: it is a damn shame. #13 - Posted by: Katherine on August 19, 2003 05:43 PM"Anyway, I hate that monkey! If I find him, I'm going to hit him with a bat!" What do you got against bats?! An adult bat can eat 50,000 misquitoes an hour! Well the good news is that when I'm rotated back to Iraq with 1st Cav in May, due to the conservation, I should have something to kill besides camels. (Camels very rarely shoot back. It's so unsatisfying.) #15 - Posted by: Ross on August 19, 2003 06:13 PMBy the way, the Zatoichi 9,10, and 11 DVDs are out this week. #16 - Posted by: Ed Flinn on August 19, 2003 07:52 PMHere's another vote for runnin' the bat through the backstrap of a baseball glove. It looks real innocent 'til it's time to go awhompin' an' awhackin'. #17 - Posted by: Peter on August 19, 2003 08:31 PMWell, it is a good thing that you are starting to realize it is not good to condamn the whole group based on bad generalization, Frank. Over time you will discover that communist are actually not that bad at all, we are nice people. (except, of course, when you mess with us then we will not be nice). It is an effective system and will lead the world to peace and growth. It is just not right to condamn communists like in your website; it Rocks! Actually maybe america should use communism instead of democracy.... also, we have a lotta ninjas, don't mess with us China. We dodge bullets. #18 - Posted by: Mao_II on August 20, 2003 04:21 AM"* Am I alone in not particularly liking the French?" No. #19 - Posted by: Morpheus on August 20, 2003 10:21 AMMao II, What is wrong with executing political prisoners? And there is nothing wrong about being evil, actually i think being evil can be sorta cool sometimes #21 - Posted by: Mao II on August 20, 2003 10:12 PMI'm sure that Mao_II is joking or playing devil's advocate. Afterall, anyone who would really advocate that kind of switch to communism/socialism would have to be either a hippy or french. Since those people can't stand the radiation from IMAO, it is unlikely that the person trying to be mao is serious. Actually i am chinese..... But anyway, i just thought your website will be sorta funny when you respond to these devil's advocate.... And really, Communism isn't REALLY that evil, it is a nice idea ran by dumb people, that's all #23 - Posted by: Mao_II on August 21, 2003 09:26 PMNo i dislike the french as well #24 - Posted by: Tomas Maddox on September 11, 2003 09:36 AMann bradstreet we may live togetherwelivetogether angelinawe live together videoswelivetogether pictureswe all live together pornwelivetogethersfree welivetogethercom welivetogetherwe live togetherwe live together girls free videocom welivetogetherwe live together lesbianvideo welivetogetherwe all live together girlspassword welivetogetherclip welivetogetherwelivetogether passwordwe live together girlspass welivetogetherwe live together comdina welivetogethergallery welivetogetherwe live together free xxxfree we live togetherwelivetogether becawe all live togetherfree we live together picturesfree we live together mpegstogether we livewe live together porn #25 - Posted by: We live together on December 24, 2003 05:34 PMHello, a very well done web site! 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