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August 27, 2003
When it Rains, it Pours
I just said I don't get much hate mail, but now I've got some more. First off, I got this e-mail: Please dude tell me are you a leftie or a righty. Are you taking the piss out of Bush, or really, deeply stupid, I've just got to know. So my choices are to either "take the piss" out of Bush or to be stupid. I inquired back to the writer whether he is stupid so I have a reference. Then I made a gun nut angry (you don't want to make gun nuts angry). In the comments of my post of gun calibers, this comment was left (edited for bad words): Who the f--k told this guy that guns were for killing? Are all arrows for killing? How about all darts or blowguns? Wouldn't it be cool if the liberal media actually paid me any attention? And making fun of my poor .380 caliber just because it's too small to defend itself is pretty low. Let me make this clear: Guns are for killing. When the first gun was invented, Bob did not say, "Wow! This will be great for putting holes in paper!" He said, "Cool! Let's kill sumt'n!" And, if I got a gun and it wasn't good at killing people, I'd march right back to the firearm store and say, "This gun is defective; it won't kill people. Could I exchange it for something more adept at the killing of man?" Sure, there are target pistols, but the original point of those was to train yourself for better killing with other guns. Sure most people only use guns for target practice these days (well, and a lot of hunt'n which involves kill'n) but most guns are still made with kill'n in mind. They are not just a long distance version of a hole puncher. I ain't gonna deny reality so the liberals feel less threatened (I want them more threatened... more!). Anyway, it seems there is some concern that dumb people will stumble onto my site and misinterpret things (and it has happened already). That was especially a concern of my White Glenn is a Nazi joke, that some idiots would stumble on to this and think, "Glenn Reynolds actually is a Nazi!". I’m thinking of putting a warning on each page that IMAO is about satire, but it is not always crystal clear on what is the parody, so this site is not meant for dumb people. Since dumb people deserve entertainment too, I could then link to an alternate site for them, something with blinking colors and dancing hamsters maybe. 34 Responses To "When it Rains, it Pours"
All of my guns are for killin'. I target my purchases to ensure the maximum killin' efficiency. I bought a Glock because I could get pre-ban clips for it and maximize the killin' capacity for my car gun. I bought my PPK/S because the key component of killin' with a gun is to have the gun when you meet someone who needs killin', and since the Glock was too hard to carry everywhere, I got something that was easier to carry (and more likely to get me laid, too.) He is worried about gun-grabbers thinking of guns as killin' machines? They already think of them that way. No one gets killed in America by .50BMG sniper rifles, but that hasn't stopped Kookifornia from banning them. They can't look at one of those ray-gun .22 bolt-action target pistols without seeing big mounds of dead bodies in their mind. I want people to remember that guns are for killin'. I want people to remember that the 2nd amendment is not about hunting. It isn't about punching holes in paper. It isn't about shooting clay pigeons. It is about killin' people. If you try to reduce the 2nd Amendment to paper targets and deer, you are just as dangerous as a gun-grabber. #1 - Posted by: Phelps on August 27, 2003 12:28 PMAmen brudda! As to the warning label for the common-sense-challenged that this is a parody site I hope it didn't rub you the wrong way. A lot of the grief Rush Limbaugh gets is because many lefties just don't "get" his humor or realize that he is in fact not being serious a lot of the time. Rush is *very* funny and makes fun of the left to such a fine degree that it sails right over their head and merely infuriates them. Another example; A parody political commercial on Rush's show about Arnold being the son of a Nazi with marching and Sieg Heil! in the background was thought to be REAL despite Rush clearly saying he ought to make one 20 minutes earlier. I was laughing so hard that day, more at the clueless people calling to complain than the commercial itself. There will always be people who "don't get" parody of any stripe and its a real shame. Fortunately we tend to police each other out here in the blogosphere, so things don't get too far out of hand and end up hurting someone - for real. Frank J. you rock, keep it coming. #3 - Posted by: Neo on August 27, 2003 01:22 PMGee, these people don't realize you have a satire site? Nuking the moon didn't make them wonder? The hilarious polls right near the top of the page didn't make them think for a second that this might not be too serious of a site? Idiots. I vote for a permalink to Hamster Dance to keep them entertained. #4 - Posted by: Indorphin on August 27, 2003 01:24 PMBlog War Geneva Convention. Article: The Humorless shall be considered Non-Combatants, and not sought out for attack. If a Humorless chooses to wade into the Blog Wars, they do so at their own risk. Any Humorless who venture in to wage war shall be considered Prime Targets. The Nature of the Blog War shall be considered self-evident, such that any fool can tell for what they are getting into. quark2, What's the difference between killing defensively and killing varmints? Except that one is a foul, stinking, trash eating, scourge of the earth and the other is a furry (albeit annoying) little critter... Yeah - I think I like it. Next time someone asks why you cc - tell them it's for kill'n varmints. Jon--I have been enjoying your Blog War Geneva Convention Articles very much. Do I have your permission to post them to the Alliance Blog? (or maybe we could get a declared "neutral" blog like Tiger, Jennifer or Eric of Classical Values to post them?) Either way, I think the entirety of this great (and apparently living) document needs to be codefied....(with updates as new Articles are ratified, of course...) #7 - Posted by: Susie on August 27, 2003 01:49 PMGood for you, Frank J, multiple kudos. And Frank Reynolds is an idiot. See today's Dilbert for what kind. #8 - Posted by: Bane on August 27, 2003 01:57 PMGun for target practice? What is target practice? Is that where you have more than one person you need to kill, so you use two shots or the first few, but after the practice, you only need one shot on the last couple of bad guys? #9 - Posted by: John on August 27, 2003 02:07 PMGuns are designed and kept by peaceful citizens for their POTENTIAL to kill. All of my guns could kill humans and most beasts very well, but it is my hope that they never will kill a human. That would mean I've lived my whole life without being put in mortal danger by an aggressive human and that would be ideal and I think it is the true wish of most gun owners. Be prepared with a gun that can kill very very well and hope you never have to use it. As to beasts, my .45-70gvt has quickly and humanely brought to heavenly slumber several tasty steaks on the hoof. That is one hell of a kill'n utensil. I would be really dissapointed and somewhat hungry if that cartridge hadn't been so well designed to kill. Frank, your observations are absolutely correct and only need explaining to those with the intellect of a mollusk. Denying the truth is no way to gain undertanding to a cause, it just makes one look like a liar or an idiot. #10 - Posted by: Ken N. on August 27, 2003 02:11 PMAgreed Susie, we need Jon or someone else to compile all of them together in one spot. They are too damn amusing to lose. #11 - Posted by: Kevin on August 27, 2003 02:35 PMHey Frank, I think the dancing hamster site idea is brilliant. Maybe like all the porn sites (which I've only heard of???) you could have your IMAO welcome page with a small blurb describing the satirical content of your site. Have two buttons, one labeled smart and the other labeled dumb. And dumb would take you to the dancing hamster site where all the words could be single syllables displayed in big chunky letters just like a children’s book. And of course several cute fluffy dancing hamsters. #12 - Posted by: BAM on August 27, 2003 02:47 PMDude! You're site is satire? Dang it! And I was saving up for my own Robo-Suit of Uninhibited Capitalism too. PS, tell Buck I said "Hey" #13 - Posted by: LittleA on August 27, 2003 02:50 PMHere's a Hampsterdance site for the cognitively challenged. #14 - Posted by: aelfheld on August 27, 2003 02:51 PMFrank. Why did you censor "soccermoms"? #15 - Posted by: Ikkonoish on August 27, 2003 03:11 PMAy, carumba. HEY! On a just barely-related note, I'm blegging for gun money! That's right...I've added a PayPal button to Exultate Justi (home of MYONGWATCH! as well as many other obscure tidbits!), and am hoping that, before I die (of natural causes), I can buy me a brand spankin' new AR-15! Then, I can REALLY do me some killin'... #16 - Posted by: Jared on August 27, 2003 03:22 PMFrank, don't bother with putting "This is Satire" signs. People who don't get it now will read "This is a Satire" sign and wonder if you are trying to trick them or something. To those who commented on the BlogWar Geneva Convention Articles.... You're very kind, thank you. I'll continue to write them as they appear necessary, or as I think of them. Which probably means I'm gonna have to read the Geneva Convention again. Damnit. I'd just told another person that I would compile a few and she could post them on her Blog. With her permission, of course, I suspect the Alliance Page would be an ideal place. Jon Henke
#18 - Posted by: Jon Henke on August 27, 2003 03:34 PM I think your hate mail is much more fun than a possible disclaimer. Unless it's "do not paint your face with house paint." hln #19 - Posted by: hln on August 27, 2003 04:30 PMThen you need to take that scrawny POS .380 back and get a real killer! Like the man said, "wet navy raincoat". #20 - Posted by: Frank J(ennings) on August 27, 2003 04:34 PMMy three-year-old niece loves the "Hampster Dance" page. Are you calling her stupid, Ethel? Jerk. (Too lazy to write a whole hate e-mail. Hate comment will have to do.) #21 - Posted by: Jennifer on August 27, 2003 04:40 PMFrank, Amusement park rides at some place like Disney or Six Flags usually have a height limit or some sort of test to see whether a person can safely enjoy. Likewise, maybe it would help to include this on your site: http://butifnot.tripod.com/racecar.html Heh. That idiots spelling was worse than mine. Why did you censor 'soccermoms?' And .380s a fine round...you can still royaly fuck someone up with it. Funny thing is first time i read it i mistook .380 for .308... #23 - Posted by: ThegunsofNevada on August 27, 2003 07:03 PMI can censor whatever w--d I want; it's my site! #24 - Posted by: Frank J. on August 27, 2003 07:09 PMAlrig--y t--n. #25 - Posted by: IkkonoI--i on August 27, 2003 08:20 PMand they came and shot guns at the passenger pigeons. and they killed for hours and hours. the floor of the florest was a thick carpet of death. not carpet bombing.
WTF? Where did the carpet bombing comment come from? It doesn't even make sense in context.
And there was much rejoicing.
Who do you refer to here? Indians?
Please note that morlocks were the actual rulers of the world that it sounds like you reference. Also while the killer'n of bad people is fun and rewarding the creater'n of new ones is quite the thrill as well. #27 - Posted by: IkkonoIshi on August 27, 2003 09:14 PMHere's the perfect site to send the dumb people: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/you.html #28 - Posted by: Mr. J on August 27, 2003 09:56 PMHa! You really had me going, Frank! I almost believed you about this being a satire site. Now, come on, and no more kidding. How do you manage to record exactly what Bush, Rumsfeld, and all the rest of those wacky folks in the executive branch say and do? If I didn't know better, I'd think you were making it up! #29 - Posted by: Mr. Green on August 27, 2003 11:22 PMDeganawada, You do realize that the whole culture of creators vs. culture of destroyers is mimicking some pretty standard White-supremacist talk. I'm not kidding, though the murdering of the Bison thing probably means you had another group for attacking in mind. I could pull quotes out of Mein Kampf disturbingly similar to what you just wrote. I'm being a politically correct a-----e here and I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but gain a sense of humor, lose a little self-importance and you will avoid making a silly argument like that in a more embarrassing situation. #30 - Posted by: on August 28, 2003 12:17 AMWait a minute.... You mean we're NOT going to nuke the moon? #31 - Posted by: Dan on August 28, 2003 12:37 PMAw. I don't mind the serious competitive shooters getting a little haughty with all this talk of "kill'n." If I'd trained for an Olympic sport I might lose all sense of proportion, too. It really is the hunters who bother me--the ones who forget that self-defense is a sacred right, and somehow think that what they do is more "wholesome," and the gun-grabbers will leave them alone and just take firearms away from us "defense nuts." (Of course, most hunters are not this dense. But a few are.) They are wrong. As for the stopping power of a .380--well, I wonder if this guy would like to take one to the chest. I wouldn't. Keep in mind that the mob uses .22's for hits (because they deform in impact, and are almost impossible to match to a gun). If I am in a defensive situation with my smallest firearm (a .32) I promise to aim for the head. Okay? And anyone who doesn't "get" this site doesn't deserve it. And, Jon--it really wasn't about the hits. I love you for your mind, too. ;) That is, I did really feel that the Geneva Convention rules should be posted in one place for all to see. Where that is ain't too important.l #32 - Posted by: Little Miss Attila on August 29, 2003 05:05 AMAs one mouth-watering billboard put it, "There's room for all of God's creatures.. Right next to the mashed potatoes!" :} #33 - Posted by: Flyondwall on August 29, 2003 11:24 AMThe mob not only uses .22's for hits because they deform, but because they are QUIET. Even the classic pillow to the barell will make the shot quiet enough not to be heard downstairs. #34 - Posted by: ThegunsofNevada on August 31, 2003 01:25 AMPost a comment
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