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September 02, 2003
Bite-Sized Wisdom: "Por lector del IMAO todo. Fuera de IMAO nada."
* Man, I don't have like anything to say. Everyone have fun Labor Day weekend? I don't like it that holiday because it's an evil union one. Well, I never complain about a paid holiday, but I'd rather celebrate something else. Wait a second; does anyone actually celebrate Labor Day? Do we have any labor parades or anything? We should just call it "Day-Off Day". * Actually, they arrested Jesse Jackson on Labor Day. We could make an annual thing of that. We'd just arrest him for no reason, and he'd be like, "This is the worst injustice since Dredd Scott!" but he says that about everything, so no one would listen. Someone should tell him the story about the boy who cried wolf. * My version of that story has kung fu fighting. * What's it with terrorists and explosions? Why can't we settle this man-to-man; fist-to-fist. Because they're a bunch of cowards, and they know Allah actually hates them because they're smelly and stupid. Yeah, that's right. You want to prove me wrong, meet me for a hand-to-hand fight to death at the abandoned warehouse by the docks (heh heh; when they go in there, I'll blow it up!). * An asteroid could hit us in 2014. I hope we have the technology to nudge it and make sure it just hits France. * Maybe one of those asteroids has oil. Our luck, though, it would probably also be covered in Islamic extremists. * Oh yeah, you need dead things to have oil. Can't we just kill lots of animals and turn them into oil ourselves? We're much smarter than nature. * Arnold Schwarzenegger says he'll do a debate. It would be cool if he says, "Here is my rebuttal... my re-headbuttal!” and then head butts Cruz Bustamante. Then he could pick up Gray Davis and throw him against a wall. That would be the coolest debate since the time Reagan cold-cocked Jimmy Carter! * I was only one year old during the Reagan-Carter debates and was quite distracted by a rattle, so my recollection of them may be a bit sketchy. * Did you hear that Cruz Bustamante is a member of some group called Robo or something? It's motto is "For the race, everything. For those outside the race, nothing." Why don't they just make their motto, "We're a bunch of racist numb-nuts.”? * Maybe instead they could have their motto be, "For the race, everything. For those outside the race, free scoops of ice cream." Then, instead of people being threatened, they'd be like, "Yay! Free ice cream!" * Actually, I thought "Hispanic" was an ethnicity, not a race. Bustamante should clarify whether he hates other races or other ethnicities. * Hey, I just read here that they serve nachos and Dos Equis at their meetings. Now I want to join! Bronze power! * Even more disturbingly, I hear that Gray Davis is part of a secret ninja organization called Cyber which motto is, "For the ninja, everything. For those outside the ninja clan, beheadings." * Also, Arianna Huffington is part of an organization called Droid which motto is, "For the air-headed socialite, everything. For those..." Know what? I think I've milked this dry. * I've never been called a racial slur. I've always wanted to be called one, though. The only one I know is "Cracker". Where does that come from? Do white people like crackers? I like Ritz with peanut butter on them. * Once, at college, I was watching Enter the Dragon with a group of friends. When the white guy was introduced in the story, everyone in the room started making fun of him. Then I realized I was the only white guy in the room, so I said, "The white guy ain't so bad." It would have made a great anecdote if one of my friends responded, "Shut up, you dumb cracker!" but, right now, it's only a so-so anecdote. It does involve kung fu, though. * Actually, “cracker” is now being used to distinguish a malicious hacker from a noble one. Hacker used to be a word of esteem (among nerds and geeks, that is) before it became synonymous with breaking into computers. "I am a hacker," some would say, "and the computer doth obey me. Fear me and my power and pray that I use it for good." * Okay, no one ever said that; I'm most likely the first person in the history of time to have come up with that sentence. * Not much else to talk about other than Iraq. We keep hearing about our troops getting killed and then everyone who never liked the military in the first place is griping about it. At least Bush has said firmly that backing down is not an option, and I think we need that repeated. If the terrorists understand that the only thing that will stop us is them being dead, they might think twice about attacking us in the first place. And that's all I have to say about that. 26 Responses To "Bite-Sized Wisdom: "Por lector del IMAO todo. Fuera de IMAO nada.""
Update my link, you drunken mick! (How was that?) #1 - Posted by: Jennifer on September 2, 2003 09:37 AMFirst you want me to link to you, then you want me to change that link. Make up your mind, woman. #2 - Posted by: Frank J. on September 2, 2003 09:46 AMYou're obviously too young to remember "honky" or "whitey". (goes back to rocking on the front porch) #3 - Posted by: LittleA on September 2, 2003 09:49 AMHonky is one I forgot. I used Whitey in the previous post, but I don't consider that slury enough. #4 - Posted by: Frank J. on September 2, 2003 10:17 AM I'd settle for a link, Frank. You could be the very first to link to me, which is bound to confer some degree of prestige on IMAO. By the way, that offer of "prestige for linkage" is open to anybody. www.QandO.blogspot.com One of the best racial-tension satires I've ever seen was the old Richard Pryor/Chevy Chase job interview sketch on SNL. The transcript is Just read it aloud to yourself, Frank. You'll feel much better. #6 - Posted by: Rube on September 2, 2003 10:49 AMI personally like Chris Rock's "cracka-ass cracka". And that white guy in Enter the Dragon wasn't nearly as cool as that big ass Chinese dude who beat up Ogre in "Bloodsport", and then inexplicably got his ass kicked by a nearly blind Jean Claude Van Damme with one of the world's most unfortunate haircuts. That guy's name, incidentally, is Bolo Yeung. Any tribute pages out there? #7 - Posted by: Norbizness on September 2, 2003 11:21 AMNotice how the article says, "the Rev. Jesse Jackson and 13 people were arrested Monday." It does not say, "the Rev. Jesse Jackson and 13 other people wera arrested Monday." So, is CNN admitting that Jesse Jackson is not human? #8 - Posted by: Tom on September 2, 2003 11:21 AMWe can turn dead animals into oil. This has got to be the greatest invention since the gas-operated rifle: Anything into Oil. We should import Saddam's old shredder, and hook it up to one of these plants, and feed Islamo-fascits into it. Then, we could use the oil to run tanks to go get more islamo-fascists (and hippies and Democrats, too) to feed into it, and then we can all start shouting, "War for Oil! Oil for War!" and laughing and drinking blended-pu... uh, blended tasty beverages. Sorry. Got caught up in the glorius evil. It won't happen again. #9 - Posted by: phelps on September 2, 2003 11:28 AMI think the term "cracker" originally meant someone from Georgia. It probably had something to do with the guys who harvested peanuts. So, unless you happen to be from there, Frank, it would be pretty stupid to call you a cracker. Unless I'm wrong about where "cracker" comes from, in which case it's probably a pretty good insult. #10 - Posted by: Howard on September 2, 2003 11:32 AMMr. Henke, I blogrolled you. Ethel...I want both, obviously. #11 - Posted by: Jennifer on September 2, 2003 11:48 AMActually, from what several of my esteemed African-American friends/bruthas have told me (well - OK...just Marcus, but Deion nodded approvingly), "Cracker" is short for "Whipcracker", i.e., slave owner/driver, etc. The best insult I've ever heard hurled at Whitey (hey wait...that's me!) is from the Robert Townsend film, Hollywood Shuffle. In one scene (a parody of Dirty Harry-type flicks, a gang member calls the Clint Eastwood clone a "jive-turkey-fool-honkey-sucka-pig" (said as one long word). Classic. One day, I hope I get called that, too. It's the single coolest insult known to man. #12 - Posted by: Jared on September 2, 2003 11:57 AMActually, cracker is much older than that. It is derived from the Scots word "craik" meaning "to talk". When the Stuarts reigned all of Great Britian, they arrived in London to hold court at St. James surrounded by mnay Scots nobles who's very livelihood depended on James and Charles favor. They were detested by English society as filthy, ragged braggarts (hence "craikers" or loud-mouths). It was also this situation which brought about the stereotype of Scots being very stingy, as they were constantly trying to make a pound, and never let one go. So any Scot, Ulster Scot (Scotch-Irish) or Irishman (guilt by association) can generally be slurred by the moniker "cracker". The idea that it has anything to do with slavery, or was created by witty slaves, is, well, ridiculous. #13 - Posted by: Frank J(ennings) on September 2, 2003 12:29 PMThe UK cracker connection (as opposed to the French cheese connection) is plausible. It would explain partially the existence of that cool British detective show called "Cracker" which starred Robbie Coltrane (not related to John Coltrane, also cool). It was on cable here in the USA for about two days, I think, before it disappeared. I would also trust the interpretation of Jared's homies, too. They should be more hip to the whats up thats goin' down (jive-talkin'!) in terms of the contemporary application of the aforementioned invective. Crackers were merely southeastern cattle drovers. They used whips to encourage the cattle to move along. I'm not sure how "cracker" came to mean "Caucasian" because crackers, like cowboys, didn't come from any particular racial background. #15 - Posted by: SwampWoman on September 2, 2003 01:36 PM"I am a hacker," some would say, "and the computer doth obey me. Fear me and my power and pray that I use it for good." Simply hilarious. #16 - Posted by: joekujo on September 2, 2003 01:57 PMZeb must not get BBC America. I think they still rerun it. I know they were still rerunning it last year. Note his character Fitz is a Scot in Manchester. As for southeastern cattle drovers, usually Ulster Scots to a man. That SwampWoman and Jared's friends have been provided a plausible, if apocryphal, explanation does nothing to prove either conjecture. As they say, just follow the link http://www.scotshistoryonline.co.uk/rednecks/rednecks.html for an explanation of Cracker, hillbilly and redneck, among others. #17 - Posted by: Frank J(ennings) on September 2, 2003 01:59 PMBruce Lee movie trivia note: In "Return of the Dragon", John Derbyshire (of National Review Online) is cast as a "thug". For verification, here are pics: www.olimu.com (Darb's personal site, with pictures), www.olimu.com/Photographs/BackPages/ReturnOfTheDragon.htm (Darb's clips page) #18 - Posted by: Matt on September 2, 2003 02:22 PMSenator John Kerry defended a communist dictator in 1984 calling him a “misunderstood Democrat, not a Marxist autocrat”. This same dictator sent Saddam Hussein a letter in 2003 before the US attacked expressing solidarity with him and referring to him as “brother”. This story is only at the Political Times. Check it out! Joshua Ruszkiewicz Holy Crap; Derbyshire kicks ass (or, more precisely, got his ass kicked). #20 - Posted by: Frank J. on September 2, 2003 03:28 PMI grew up in the southwest, and was one of the baker's dozen of white guys attending my school. The words "gringo" and "cowboy" got thrown around a lot. I guess they meant them as insults... Maybe. #21 - Posted by: Joey on September 2, 2003 10:06 PMMy white friend was called a nigger by a gypsy woman who was, at the time, being chased by a black man attempting to exorcise her demons. #22 - Posted by: Adela on September 2, 2003 11:38 PMJoey, Adela, Even when I was in sixth grade I took "cowboy" as a compliment. I'm still not sure what "gringo" means, though. Oh, and Frank J., you are one hell of a cowboy! #24 - Posted by: Joey on September 3, 2003 11:53 PMJust a wild guess here, but couldn't 'cracker' be originated from 'whip cracker'? Anyway, I'm more interested in 'honky'. Where's that from? #25 - Posted by: Sam on September 8, 2003 09:42 AMInternet and Advertising Specialties massage chair Institute reseller partners in the US coach handbag and abroad. The Concepts has distribution ionic breeze and reseller supplier agreements through replica handbag Kodak Fuji Film into all of the major purse national retailers like Wal-Mart, Target, designer handbag K-Mart, Safeway, Albertson’s, Kroger, contact lens #26 - Posted by: Handbag on May 4, 2004 07:35 PMPost a comment
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