Wow. Just . . . wow.

I especially like Rumsfeld's "This press conference is over unless you wish me to smite thee!" Priceless.

ROFL...again!

Convert away. Might actually do some good.

Man I laughed so hard at this my vision went black.

I think this in my world stuff is just big talk to cover up Frank's cowardice.

That's funny. Funny as hell!

"they're some tough motherf--kers"
I enjoy your work but the phrase above is obscene and unpleasant in the extreme and you could lose it without your work suffering in the slightest.

"You can't force religion on people!" a reporter exclaimed.

"Actually, studies show that torture and threat of death is quite effective at religious conversions," Condi added.

I love that can-do spirit!

Ronald Van Wegen,

Can it hippie. I thought that was the best line in there.

Maybe it's just the "arrogant aggressive uncultured American" in me.

Remarkable, truly remarkable! Rummy shows extraordinary restraint by not shooting even one of those whiny, Vietnam-fixated reporters!!

Instapundo delenda est, from one of the newest members of the Alliance

Ronald,
I have to disagree. I don't use swaering at all in normal discourse, but it makes for extreme statements that are useful in humor. Of course, I'm the worst judge of which lines in my piece are actually funny.

Warmongerer,
He also never said "Rarr!" I realized. Well, I don't want to overdue his catch phrase. This IMW was in response to people saying these had gotten too weird, and so I wanted to do just a regular press conference like in the old days (I've long ago given up trying to make these sound like actual news articles, though).

Frank,

This time you judged correctly: the "except for those Jews; they're some tough motherf--kers." is monitor-threatening hilarious. Like RVW, I can generally pass on the profanity, but it was spot on here.

Now you've done it - the master plan is in the open. Gonna have to get the Rumsfeld alien stormtroopers out to rein you in, boy...

It's been ages since I came across some good smite action. More please!

FINALY! Rumsfeld is back in action! I had been missing his luger.

And with none of that aqauman crap!

"I enjoy your work but the phrase above is obscene and unpleasant in the extreme and you could lose it without your work suffering in the slightest."

- - -Mr Van Wegen,

Please reference the BlogWar Geneva Convention On the Use of Language.
(scroll down if page does not load properly. I've been having problems with that...suggestions?)

You'll find that:
"1: Foul Language shall be permitted, at the users discretion, so long as it is not deposited on the site of a non-BlogWarrior, or a Blog-Warrior who finds such language unacceptable.

2: Language may be edited, to obscure the actual word.

3: It is not necessary that the Second Rule shall coincide with the First."

FrankJ, it did seem kind of "retro" -- like an IMW that you might have written before Rummy went completely insane with rage and Condi went completely insane with ambition. I was just wondering if it was on purpose. I like it! But the crazier stuff is great, too! Whatever... I'm easy.

A brief diatribe from an angry American

I am intensely proud to be an American in 2003. I support our unabashed promotion of democracy with the patient fervor of a patriot who quietly knows we are right. We have the power to overwhelm and conquer any nation on earth, yet we don’t. We consistently work to support struggling countries, encouraging them to nurture democracy and their own rule of law. We often fail at this, but we keep on trying. We are the world’s largest provider of humanitarian and medical aid, while we are denounced as the Great Satan. At this I can only shake my head and sigh. Have we so soon forgotten the lessons of WWII? Can you even try to imagine the looks on the faces of American G.I.’s in Germany as they came across the death camps? They had no concept of the horror, no idea that other human beings were capable of such things…we are just 5 decades removed from this tragic, soul-searing sequence of events, yet people look to the horrendous example of Saddam’s Iraq and want MORE TIME?
I watched footage this weekend that sent a chill through my heart. I saw videotape of the Kurds after they had been put down by Saddam’s chemical weapons. Please understand that we are not talking about battle-ready men of fighting age. We are talking about a VILLAGE. Men, women, children. Strewn in disarrayed piles like so much cordwood. People who were sitting in their homes, going about their meager existence, stopped in mid-movement by a weapon they breathed in with the air they needed to live. This footage is horrifyingly similar to what those American G.I.’s saw in Auschwitz.
Yesterday I read an Amnesty International report (it’s online for anyone to see) about the torture perpetrated by Saddam’s regime. I felt physically sick before I was three paragraphs into it. How would you like to be bound hand and foot, hung from a metal pipe, and be left to listen to your daughter being raped in the next room because your wife’s brother was suspected of sympathizing with anti-saddam rebels? We should give him MORE TIME?
The French have ‘always been around when they needed us’ (thanks to a solemn, serious Marine for that). They are not supporting us now because they have other, more important interests. They sell a tremendous amount of goods to Iraq, both within and beyond the limits set by U.N. sanctions. Their economy is in trouble. They get mileage in the international community by defying the U.S. They are not interested in liberating Iraq. They are interested in their own skin, and what they can do to both save it and clothe it. Who can blame them? I CAN. Lily-livered surrender-monkeys, eating their brie and spouting off about the ‘…uncivilized, brutish Americans.’ I didn’t hear them complaining when we pulled their skinny, pale little quivering asses out of one conflict after another. What do the French make? Great wine and cars that won’t start when it rains. Bad food and good perfume (produced to overcome the fact that a once-a-month bath isn’t enough). They are known the world over for a pompous attitude and poor dental health. And these people have veto power in the U.N.? And guess what? They want us to give Saddam MORE TIME?
Russia. Hoo-boy. If there was ever poster-child for a country needing to be sent to bed without supper, this is it. They have oil problems, crime problems, and garden-variety people-freezing-to-death problems. They need to SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP. We will take care of this little problem in Iraq, and the whole time Russia will keep getting its humanitarian aid from the U.S. taxpayers.
China. Okay, I know: The world’s most populous country, a million men under-arms. We don’t want to tangle with them. But guess what? We could. They don’t want a piece of this. Trust me. It would be terrible, but we could do it, and do it while still going to work every day and picking up McDonald’s on the way home.
North Korea: Listen, you pot-bellied little freak, Kim-jon-ill: We have submarines with more nuclear capabilities than your paltry mind can conceive of. A couple are sitting off of your coast right now. Go ahead, make our day, you brandy-swilling, whore-mongering little excuse for a leader. Go starve a few thousand more of your citizens. I am guessing they will also throw us a parade.
Israel? Look at a map. Israel is a tiny little blip in a huge tract of Arab land. It is freakin’ Rhode Island in the middle of Texas, for God’s sake, and the Palestinians want its land? Israel won that land in the six-day war of 1967 after they were attacked! They drove back the invaders and wound up a little farther in Gaza than they started. Too bad, islamofascists, you again demonstrated how bad you really are at a straight up actual War. God had a few choice words about the land of Israel, and you might want pick up a bible and read it instead of using it to level out that table with a short leg. The United States’ support of Israel will NEVER wane. That little island of democracy will suffer the murder of its people at the hands of cowards for as long as it takes to kill all the cowards, and we will stand by her and we will not flinch.
Oh, and one more: Belgium? Do you remember giving parades to the American G.I.’s who parachuted into your country and kicked the German’s out? Do you remember shaving the heads of the women who supported the Nazis? You have a short memory, and by the way, you’re BELGIUM for god’s sakes! Sit the F*** down!
My stepson is in the Army. My father served. My sister served in the Navy. My father-in-law fought in Korea. My uncle was a marine for two tours in Vietnam. My little brother just signed up, Army Rangers. I have shared a thanksgiving table with these people. Believe me; you do not want to get between them and their American Way.

P.S.; I almost forgot: Al-Queda? Bring it on, motherfuckers. We will mourn our dead and we will shed our tears, but we will root you bastards out wherever you hide. We will not stop; our children and their children will not stop. We will find you, and we will give you a fair trial with competent legal representation, and then we will kill you.

Have a nice day.

Very sincerely,

William Harrison

Bill:

Thanks. You took the words right outta my mouth.

Thank you, I just wanted to give a greeting and tell you I like your website.

Kevin

Hi, just popped in here through a random link. Cool site, keep this good work up :-)

John Freeman

Personally, I would want to see Fleischer throw a GameBoy (suitably lined with lead) at Helen Thomas, but that's just a small quibble. Didn't he actually DO that a while ago?

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