You forgot Tequila, Tecate, Corona, Dos Equis, Jose Cuervo...

Si. Senor Blackfive is right. Titicaca, crappachino, and bungholio were also left out. And yes, I learned spanish from Beavis and Butthead's Great Cornholio, so I know those are all real words.

Yo quiero IMAO!
Yo quiero Frank J.!

Yep, that's about all the Spanish I know.

¡Tengo gusto mucho de tequila y de la cerveza! ¿Dónde están los
hombres?

I took French in High School, and on a good day I could probably hold a conversation with a 3 year old. Un, deux, troi, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix.

Tupac Amaru? That rings a bell...

Ah!

What kind of terrorists operate in Peru? There are two main rebel groups operating in Peru, both leftist: the Maoist Shining Path (known in Spanish as Sendero Luminoso) and the Cuban-inspired Tupac Amaru Revolutionary Movement (Movimiento Revolucionario Tupac Amaru).

I'm sure it's just a coincidence...

Remember the key to communicating with people who don't speak English: LOUD and SLOW. If they still don't understand, just repeat it louder and slower until they get it.

Thus, you should have put your reply in all caps, and maybe bold as well.

Mister Green,

What does a yellow light mean?

Slow down!

WHAT....DOES.....A.....YELLOW.....LIGHT.....MEAN?

Shouldn't that be muerte ocho instead of morte? Cause the way you have it, it just doesn't make sense. Dead eight makes more sense, and any spanish-speaking person will immediatley recognize the gist of the statement after the clarification.
Although I believe the original spanish masterpeice said
"loco ocho es muerte queso"
which may seem odd to hear, but remember that Inquisiton-era Spanish was much more formal.

Viva la pistolero bandito Francisco J. con carne, Si!

"Viva la pistolero bandito Francisco J. con carne, Si!"
That sounds so good, I believe you should have a contest, with the winner having their slogan replace your current one for a day. Please, please, please?

I guess the fact that the word gringo was in the original post should've tipped you off. Well, such is life.

Gringo is so dated. As an Anglo-American I prefer the newer, more hip epithets, like Blanc-er, Marshmallow, or Pinky. Bleached monkey is also cool.

Gringo es tan fechó. Como un de Americano Anglo yo prefiero el más nuevo, más epítetos de cadera, como urgencias de Blanc, como el Malvavisco, o como Pinky. El mono blanqueado es también fresco.

Translation courtesy:
www.freetranslation.com

You really should have included an "Olé" in there to really drive your point across.

Pollo diablo sounds tasty. You should enjoy it with some fava beans and a nice Bustamante.

Tupac Amaru? Sounds about four short of a full six-pack.

Can't you picture this guy, Frank? There he is sitting in front of his Imac, wearing his Che Guevara t-shirt and Birkenstocks, typing his furious message on your blog. Of course, he had to stop when his mom asked him to get the keys to her Volvo, fetch a gallon of ice cream for dessert, and pick up his little brother at soccer practice. Hey, he has to do something to earn his keep! He's a 35 year old college student living in his parent's basement!

You guys are all wrong. Amaru is the middle name of Tupac Shakur. Apparently he got sent to hell and is being used to punish a bunch of hispanics by forcing them to hang out with him. I just wonder what the poor hispanics did to deserve such a fate? They must have run a bus load of Nuns off a cliff. As a result Tupac can only type in Spanish now. Yup that is it, Tupac Amaru Shakur is back and will soon resume his career by rapping in Spanish.

I think he has a weird fixation on your ass.

Did you know the French word (damn them all to Dantes Inferno)Jambon means Ham in English? I know this means absolutly nothing to you but the monkeys keep sending out their rays from my computer...

Si tu no estuvieras un cabron culeao, tal vez tu podria tener amigos parte de los perros que te aman solamente porque hueles como un jamon.

Justin's right about jambon/jamon. This more literally translates into: if you weren't such a male goat's ass, maybe you'd have friends apart from the dogs that love you only because you smell like a ham.

There, now--that's not so bad, is it?

One way I have found to test the laungauge skills of those who say 'no comprende' is to reply with
'Comprende AssWhuppin'
The results have been the ability to instantly speak and understand English!

The limit of my bilingualism is the fact that I speak English and I can also communicate with people from Arkansas.

What? Latinos don't speak latin? Next you'll tell me there's no such country as Hispania.

Tupac Amaru: You ready to be fucked man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.

IMAO readers: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

Tupac Amaru: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."

IMAO Readers: Jesus.

Tupac Amaru: You said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

Frank: Eight year-olds, Dude.

El Pollo Diablo?

Could it be... The Curse of Monkey Island?

Sam,
Good catch. I was wondering if anyone would know the reference.

Me toquadisco esta descompuesto.

Bonus Anus...

That is Spanish, isn't it?

No cerveza, no trabajo. My motto.

Y'all some weirdos... get off the sherm man