In My World: The Fall Guy
"Now that I've made the case for Iraq getting 87 billion dollars, we need to find ways to get that money embezzled back to us through dummy corporations," President Bush said.
"Don't worry," Dick Cheney stated, "I've got it all set up."
"I'm afraid that someone might find out, though," Condoleezza Rice said, "I think we need a fall guy."
"But where are we going to find someone to be the fall guy?" Bush mused aloud.
"Can we go over some notes before the next press conference?" White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan asked as he entered the room.
"Scott! Great to see you!" Bush exclaimed.
Scott stopped for a second and looked at Bush with suspicion. "Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden?"
"Because you're a valued part of the team," Bush answered.
"Really?"
"Yeah, now get over here and stop being such a douche bag," Bush ordered, "I need you to sign this paper before the next press conference. It... uh..."
"It verifies that you are going to be truthful and honest in the press conference," Condi said.
"But Bush always yells at me when I'm truthful and honest," Scott said.
"Change of policy," Bush said, handing over the document. Scott started to look it over, but Bush slapped him on the head. "Don't read it; just sign it!"
* * * *
"Is it fair to ask for 87 billion dollars for Iraq when the economy is in a recession?" asked a reporter.
"The economy is not in a recession," Scott responded, "and we have to do whatever it takes to get the job right."
"I did some investigation," said another reporter, "and the money all seems to be going to corporations in your name."
"What?" Scott exclaimed, "That's ridiculous."
"And they aren't even real corporation," the reporter continued, "They just seemed to be ways for you to take that money and keep it from the needy Iraqi people."
"That's crazy," Scott said adamantly, "I don't own any corporations or would ever do such a thing."
"Why you take money from me and my family?" asked a little Iraqi girl in broken English, "I am sick and hungry."
"I didn't take your money, little girl," Scott pleaded, "Honest."
"Boo!" all the reporters yelled.
"You're not supposed to boo at a press conference!" Scott said with frustration.
"Boo!"
* * * *
"You couldn't believe what I was charged with at the press conference today," Scott said, walking into the Oval Office. "They said..." Scott then noticed the room was filled with canvas bags with dollars signs on them. "You took the Iraqi billions!" Scott accused, pointing a finger at Bush.
"That's crazy," Bush answered, "That's so crazy I should have you locked away in an asylum where you can't tell anyone anything incriminating about me."
Laura then came into the room. "What's this commotion all about?"
"Nothing, dear," Bush answered.
"He embezzled billions of dollars that were supposed to help the Iraqis and then framed me for it!" Scott stated angrily.
"George, is this true?" Laura asked sternly.
"I was going to buy you something nice with it," Bush answered meekly.
"You give all that money back to the Iraqis and you apologize to Mr. McClellan this instant!"
"I'm sorry, Scott," Bush said, "but I was going to quietly pardon you at the end of my term - honest!"
"Well, that's better," Laura said, "Now you be less mischievous in the future." She then left the room.
Bush glared at Scott angrily. "Squealer."
Stumble It!
