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September 19, 2003
Pirate Answers: Keeping People in California, Teflon, and Damn Whatcha-Ma-Callits
Posted by Frank J. at 11:30 AM | View blog reactions | Comments (11)

Time for some advice from a pirate, ye LAN-lubbers. Now listen carefully to what old Captain J. has to say before I have to keelhaul the whole lot of you.


Jason H. from Austin, Texas writes:
I've been hearing a lot about how a lot of Californians are leaving California. It's only a matter of time before they could damage their status as the state with the most electoral votes and I'm sure that a "brain drain" has already occurred. Is it possible that in the not-so-far-off future that the Californians might build a wall around their state in order to keep what brains, jobs and money they have left from leaving, much like the Communists in East Berlin did? It is a liberal utopia, after all? Thanks

Arrr! I say keep them all in California. We don't want their kind befouling our fair ports. Barricade the whole state, and keeps ship patrolling it's coastline, boarding and cutting the throats of anyone who dares try to leave. Just be careful of that Captain Schwarzenegger; he hails from lands far way and could be quite tough. Stories say a musket ball would bounce right off his hide.


Cat Malingowski from York, PA asks:
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does it stick to the pan?

Sound like witchcraft to me. I find anyone with one of these "Teflon" cooking utensils, I would be fearful of what other sorcery he or she may be capable of. A sturdy cutlass may not be enough to keep you safe from ones such as these. Burn them at the stake, I say; and do it on land, far from me ship.


MonkeyPants the Imperial Falconer writes
A variation on the "Worst figures of the 20th Century":
You have a gun and a time machine. Who in history would you go back and erase?

Yarrr! That's an easy one. I would train my musket on whomever invented those damn plastic packaging where you have two solid pieces of hard, clear plastic sealed together, often used for lots of electronics equipment and memory cards. Ye know what I'm talking about? You try to find some edge to pull the halves apart, but usually I end up having to jaggedly cut out the hidden booty with me cutlass. Instead of burying treasure, I could just put it in one of these packaging and it keep it safe for all eternity. Arrr!

* * * *

Please keep the booty coming, e-mailing me with the subject "Frank Answers" and include your name and town after the question and blog URL if you have one. Since I like the whole name and town dynamic, if you don't give me a place you're from, you'll be swimming with the sharks!

Rating: 1.6/5 (5 votes cast)

Frank Answers
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11 Responses To "Pirate Answers: Keeping People in California, Teflon, and Damn Whatcha-Ma-Callits"

Why hasn't ye scurvy dogs congratulated Ethel on 'is one/hundredth of Cap'n Glenn's traffic yet?

#1 - Posted by: Jennifer on September 19, 2003 11:55 AM

Arrr! I don't know what ye be talking about, wee lass. I've nearly 600,000 according to Extreme Tracker.

#2 - Posted by: Frank J. on September 19, 2003 12:09 PM

Aye, that may be the case matey, but hit's from your own ship don't count, savvy?

#3 - Posted by: Pete on September 19, 2003 12:11 PM

Me most humblest apologies, as it was Sitemeter I relied upon. One/fiftieth.

#4 - Posted by: Jennifer on September 19, 2003 12:16 PM

Arr, Frank J, me bucko! I have to disagree with ya'r answer to keeping Californians in CA. Tis such a pretty place, why should we let the commie-wanna-be's take it all when we obviously deserve it more than they! Then we have their ports an gold to boot! But the question be, whar do we put these gun-shy commie pigs? Arghh, Canada seems nice. Thar they can shoot-up an' smoke thar funny-weed legally... 'n' all be happy! Arrh, a reublican CA, i likes the sounds of it!

As for teflon - aye, tis witchcraft of the the craftiest kind! but have you heard, thar makin' toilet-bowl cleaner with teflon in it now to make yar expunged goods flow easier! seems to me that thar tryin' to infect us from the bottom up with their witchcraft 'n' sorcery... Arrr! what will we do?!

#5 - Posted by: Doc on September 19, 2003 12:59 PM

Har that Teflon bit be easy. That bilious coating be having two sides, a sticky side and a slippery side. That foul sticky side keeps it in the pan while ye heat your gruel against the slippery side.

#6 - Posted by: JSAllison on September 19, 2003 04:15 PM

Arr, that be MonkeyPants, THE Imperial Falconer to the big swashbuckler, Misha I.

And if ye ever buckle yer swash, be careful.

#7 - Posted by: MonkeyPants on September 19, 2003 05:00 PM

Arrr... sorry. Guess I wan't paying attention to what I was doing.

#8 - Posted by: Frank J. on September 19, 2003 06:45 PM

5236 How can this all be right? Check out my site http://www.pai-gow-keno.com

#9 - Posted by: keno on October 5, 2004 09:51 AM

Nice site.

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