Bush says there is no known link between Saddam Hussein and the terrorist attack on September 11, 2001, but you should hear all the things that intelligence reports indicate that Saddam is behind.

* You know all that graffiti in New York City? One of those was done by Saddam.

* Getting tired of that tacky neighbor? Well it was Saddam who gave him the pink flamingos.

* You know how only the even numbered Star Trek movies are any good. That's because Saddam wrote the scripts for all the odd numbered ones.

* Remember the other night when you were woken up by some weird noise at night and thought it was just raccoons? It was actually Saddam.

* When you heard your kids swearing and was like, "Where did they learn that language?" They learned it from Saddam.

* That horrible Pepsi Blue - all Saddam's idea.

* You know how Perot reentered the presidential race in 1992 and helped get Clinton elected? It was Saddam who convinced him to get back in.

* Remember that time you found your car keyed and you were like, "I'm going to find and kill that bastard who did this!" Well, you better look in Iraq, because it was Saddam.

* You know how people now associate mustaches with being gay. That was all because of Saddam.

* The surge of ninja movies in the eighties - that was funded by Saddam.

* You know of that terrorist group ELF that spray paints SUV's and sets buildings on fire? Saddam is their main foot soldier.

* Gas prices have gone up lately. That's not because of Saddam, but you notice how you've never seen anyone change those prices at the gas station? It's Saddam who secretly changes them in the middle of the night.

* You know why Windows is so buggy and has so many security holes in it? Bill Gates told me it's because of Saddam.

* George Lucas keeps considering putting the original versions of the first three Star Wars movies on DVD, but Saddam keeps convincing him not to.

* You know how Howard Dean is ahead in the polls for the Democratic primary? That's because he has the backing of Saddam.

* You know why the Ninth Circuit US Court of Appeals is the most overturned court in the nation? It's because one of the judges is Saddam.

* MEChA was just going to be a college club about building robots, but Saddam added radical statements about "Bronze Power" to their charter.

* I think he also once was the evil, oppressive, murderous dictator of some country.

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